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Original poster

Crazy ex husbands GF

129 replies

justamum1234 · 04/05/2018 18:07

I'm not sure really where to post this, but here's my dilemma anyway.
Divorced for at least 6 years and remarried. Ex husband also in long term relationship with GF. GF has always had problem with me. I think because me and ex have 2 DDs together. 10 & 12. Ex has always been the weak kind. Not assertive.
Anyway they are due to take dds to Kos in summer hols, but gf has said they need to cut their hair. My dds have told me they don't want their hair cut. They are trying to grow it. So I text ex husband to say not to cut their hair and I get the text below back from the gf. I think she has a screw loose. What does one do with this ?

"That's fine. In which case I will need to cancel the holiday. Ask them if they are sure about this. As when this was discussed before the deposit was paid they were fine with shoulder length hair to swim everyday. Let me know by tomorrow morning at the latest. Only the deposit will be lost."

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 04/05/2018 20:19

Text back to say no problem. You'll take them yourself.

Original poster
justamum1234 · 04/05/2018 21:22

Now she has what's app them privately at first calling them sweetie saying their dad is very worried about the holiday. Mr dd 12 told her she can't make her cut her hair and she said she's not talking about that she's talking about cancelling their holiday. It's just cruel

OP posts:
AuntLydia · 04/05/2018 21:27

Block her on their phones. Seriously. This is absolutely out of order.

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Justinecase1985 · 04/05/2018 21:33

Absolute weirdo.
I am with PP. I would be letting her cancel the holiday and I wouldn’t be allowing them to go on any future trips away with this lunatic. Your exH must be an absolute doormat to condone this behaviour.

wormery · 04/05/2018 22:00

Block all her access, text your ex and tell him they are not going on holiday and she is not to contact them again. If they want to ever speak to her they must go through you. She sounds horrible, take your girls on holiday with you, you'll have a great time.

OldHag1 · 04/05/2018 22:21

Where the hell is your ex in all of this?

She is absolutely bonkers.

fontofnoknowledge · 04/05/2018 23:35

Why aren't you on the phone to their father OP asking what the hell does she think she is doing ? Why are you BOTH being so passive in all this and allowing this woman to bully and coerce your children??

Original poster
justamum1234 · 05/05/2018 01:32

She controls his phone. I text him, I get her. Exh and gf have a house together. Dds see him, they See her.
Exh and I we're together for 14 years so I can tell when he replies or when she replies. Dds dote on their dad this makes things difficult when he accepts everything his gf says.
Dd 10yrs doesn't want to cut her hair but wants to go on hols with her dad so says she'll cut it to go. I'm so angry she has put them in this situation. Dd 10 yrs is now blaming me. Dd 12 yrs told her where to go, but it hurts me so much to see her worry about this. Worried myself that when exh collects them next week they will be forced to get their hair cut against their will, but at same time I can't stop them from going to their dads as they want to see him.

OP posts:
Prettylovely · 05/05/2018 08:00

I would arrange a holiday for them myself.
She sounds really controlling and really blatant with it as well trying to tell children that arent even hers they have to have their hair cut.
It sounds worrying tbh, I wouldnt want my kids going on holiday with someone like that. I get that you are in a very difficult situation as your girls are older and aware.

Thanksgiving · 05/05/2018 08:04

She sounds deranged, how controlling and cruel. Definitely a power thing.
Tell her to cancel it and discuss her emotionally upsetting your dc with your ex.

Walkaboutwendy · 05/05/2018 08:18

Can you phone your ex during the day when he's on his own or via a different email address? Or last resort send a letter to his workplace?

I would state that it is controlling and coercive behaviour that is causing the children great distress. That continuation of such behaviour is in the long term is going to damage the relationship. Reiterate the children have the right to make decisions about their own bodies free from bullying or blackmail. That you are keeping records of all messages to protect your children from bullying and will continue to do so.

That you co-parent with him and not his girlfriend and would like to continue to do so without interference.

If he doesn't or won't respond then I would step in and cancel the holiday. If he cannot put his children first then how can he reasonably look after them in a foreign country? What if they get distressed and want to come home?

Walkaboutwendy · 05/05/2018 08:19

Plus I think the GF having access to messaging the girls direct is a bad idea. It's insidious.

bastardkitty · 05/05/2018 08:20

I would also advise him that you will block both his and her numbers from your DC's devices and he should find a way of having contact with them that is not accessible to his bonkers girlfriend.

bastardkitty · 05/05/2018 08:20

*crosspost

Lichtie · 05/05/2018 08:24

Buy them two swimming caps and send her a photo tagged "problem solved"

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 05/05/2018 08:27

Classy - blackmailing childrenHmm

Wannabecitygirl · 05/05/2018 08:37

Why not just reply that you’ll get them a swimming hat?!

NukaColaGirl · 05/05/2018 08:42

Shock What the actual fuck?! My DDs (7 and 5 at the time) have bum length hair. ExDP (single) took them abroad for 10 days. I got my DSis (hairdresser) to Dutch braid their hair for them to make ExDPs life a bit easier for the first few days! They came back with it Dutch braided because ExDP watched a few YouTube videos and taught himself how to do it. Admittedly it wasn’t a good as when DSis did it but I was impressed because I can’t do it at all Grin

What a spineless tosser. ExMIL is forever suggesting hair cuts and ExDP tells her to shove it every time because it’s DDs (now 10 and 8) decision what to do with their hair. How the fuck are you meant to co parent with someone so spineless, petty and controlled by his gf? Poor you and your DDs OP Sad

bionicnemonic · 05/05/2018 08:43

Brush and plait it with a hair band before swimming and it won’t get so knotty (can let it dry like that) do a dry run before hand

Spottytop1 · 05/05/2018 08:51

I wouldn't have this at all.
She has no right to be making calls like this to your dds or any demands.

Tell her contact is between you and ex only and she is not to blackmail your children!

I would say no to the holiday and take them myself.

DontDrinkDontSmoke · 05/05/2018 08:56

You need to have a private meeting or phone call with your spineless ex to discuss all the points walkaboutwendy made.

This woman’s batshittery should not be inflicted on your kids.

My mother (also wildly batshit) used to answer her husband’s emails from his ex wife (without his knowledge I think). His kids from his first marriage really suffered at her hands.

RiotAndAlarum · 05/05/2018 10:25

My DD's hair is very fine, but has got much less knotty since being long and being tied back during the day. For swimming, she has a hat, which prevents tangling. By demanding that they have short hair, she might be setting them up for more tangling (and attendant aggro) rather than less...

Clutterbugsmum · 05/05/2018 11:37

I'd text back saying that you will not comply to emotional abuse. Your girls will not be cutting their hair, because she wants it not them. If she chooses to cancel their summer holiday that's down to her and NOT because the length of their hair.

I would also block her/dad on your children phone and on whatsapp and explain to the children that what she is doing is emotional abuse and how it is right to treat people in this way to get they want. And make it clear that if this holiday is cancel by her and their dad that has nothing to do with anything they have done.

TryingToForgeAnewLife · 06/05/2018 06:32

Why is yr daughter blaming you?

fontofnoknowledge · 06/05/2018 06:58

Phones make calls as well as texts !! Pick the phone up and SPEAK to him!!! .
You may well be able to 'tell' if she texts.. but surely you can say 'i need to speak to Dcs father ' if she picks up the phone .

You can then explain that HIS children's hair is his responsibility to brush if they can't manage it themselves. (There is no way this is the case surely for a 10&12 yr old )

That their will be no haircuts. None of this is his GF business.

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