Afficionados of How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk HELP please

[unknownrebelbang]

Ok, the thread's too long for me to something similar has been covered, but you seem quite impressed with it, so.......

DS2+3, 10 and 8, can sometimes be a pita at bedtime. (Sometimes aided and abetted by DS1).

They're loud and boisterous lads, and tbh most of the time they're only sitting talking, but they're soooo loud.

The problem is DH sometimes has vvv early starts and often goes to bed before them, and then is kept awake by their nattering.

What should we be saying to them to get them to show some consideration, be quieter, and ultimately go to blardy sleep?

But I can still smell it

Boco are you having a convulsion on Miss Dogsby's parquet?

I think this parenting approach would work so much better when either stoned and/or pissed.

Yes fox, is a bit like being stoned though, because you get to talk so weird. Is great. Worry I'm not really selling it very well though. I got tired. Dogsby had so much more presence I think, was commanding.

so

dd2, pain, nearly 3, very cute

wants to wear ALL HER CLOTHES AT ONCE

and obviously 7 dresses get noticed in Asda

solutions please?

I thank you

ooh I miss the olive

this is just a bit of harmless nostalgia

is that an answer or are you fobbing me off whilst trying to find the chapter entitled Mad Nearly 3 Year Old Clothes Fiend?

Olive put on seven of your own dresses, both of you go to Asda together, all 14 dresses. Say to her 'look darling, see how all the people are staring at us? Isn't this fun! We should always dress like this! Look, they're laughing and pointing! Hahahahhahahahah!'

It might take a few attempts before she realises that its better if you conform to social norms - it's a lesson some of us are still learning, and one of the hardest i find.

oh god. Another client.

Well, I want to say, let her wear them. Or else, I could refer you to the fantasisng thing (wouldn't it be cool if I wore all my clothes to Asda, look! And all DHs too!) or stating the problem and consequences - if you wear all your clothes today then I'll have to wash them and you'll have nothing to wear tomorrow and then you'll catch cold and die. (These kind of apocalyptic consequences work best ime.)

Just remember, don't say no.

Oo I do not give the ANSWERS round here, I have not read the book nor got past chapter one of cod's idiot's version

tbh, I would blend in with all the other freaks round here

where is Dogsby then, is she backcombing her hair ready for her hols?

Has gone which is why I'm in charge of the office, and why Boco's been employed and why we're sitting around with our feet up on the desks plotting a newbie revolution, once we've got into the filing cabinet.

you could try

'so you would like to wear 7 dresses'

cue mini olive nodding

'7 dresses would be fun wouldn't it'

cue mini olive nodding

'are you sad that we are not going to get 7 dresses. Mummy would quite like 7 dresses too'

cue mini olive and olive wailing

'but how about instead of 7 dresses we get a packet of buttons and a bottle of wine'

hopefully lots of nodding. Well, bribery always solves everything in my book

have just stormed out of ds (7yrs) bedroom as have been reading harry potter to me and he keeps reading over my shoulder and correcting mistakes. He just told me i pronounced 'centaur' wrong and I shouted at him that he was rude and I spend loads of time reading to him and he should not correct me.

Next move please.

Quick!

n.b. no body popping or being sick in my mouth please.

Learn how to pronounce 'centaur' correctly. He is quite right to point this out. Talk to him through gritted teeth, say 'you'd like me to read to you like I'm blardy Lawrence Olivier wouldn't you? Wouldn't it be great if I was Stephen Fry and PAID A SHED LOAD OF MONEY TO READ HARRY POTTER TO YOU?'

He will nod and sink back on pillow in state of bliss, imagining if his mother were indeed Stephen Fry.

That will help. Ok. Am off now.

When i get bored reading to my children the same books over and over and over and over, the only way i can sustain my own interest, is by practicing my different accents. I can do liverpool, manchester, scottish, northern and southern irish, i do a great bristolian (one of my favourites) suffolk, australian, french, german, russian, khazakstani, indian, african - quite good at Kenyan - still practicing.

Anyway, the children hate it. they get annoyed. So, i say, we can read this one again - but only if i can do it in the style of a visiting African dignitary. They either agree, or we have my choice, in a normal voice.

So, DT, i suggest you say 'we can read hp with your correcting, but me reading with strong Slovenian accent, or i do my own voice- but you button it sunshine.'

I read to dd2, the ones with Apple Tree Farm, tons of them

anyway it says Mrs Boot and Poppy and Sam

and she says "who is that?" "who is that?" as I am trying to read it

so it ends up as "Mrs Boot and" "Mrs Boot" "Poppy and" "that is POPPY "Sam" "do you want me to read this or not dd2????"

Olive, I hate that family. Them and their blessed red boots AND that wretched sheep called Wooly, over whom NOBODY has any control.

Oh and that IDIOT dog they got who wouldn't round up the sheep until they happened - big coincidence non? - to meet someone on the lane who had once known this dog and knew the right signals to give him.

This is a book? A story? Of interest? No, I say, no.

me: and they have dog called Rusty

dd2: what is the dog called

me: RUSTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that fucking duck

have not had the pleasure of the duck

we have about 5 of them

a pig caled curly, daft git ended up in a ditch

"what's the pig called mummy?"

aah poor you olive. Ds used to do that and one day, I had to leave the room to throw the book across another room (not in front of him) because it was driving me SO mad.

And then I got them a radio and lots of story CDs .

Actually, weirdly, ds liked the same book over and over AND OVER again and STILL used to ask the names of the people (even though he knew). I think they do it because they are memorising the words in their heads. He can still, years later, regurgitate those books whilst his poor mother sits rocking in the corner.

and don't start me on the Gruffalo

it was on Come Inside once (weirdy house with face program) and I KNEW ALL THE WORDS!

oo theres a DUCK ON EVERY PAGE