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Original poster

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883 replies

Hannabee123 · 27/02/2018 18:58

Post natal depression has really kicked me in the nuts. I will clarify before I begin... I have no desire harming my child she is perfect and kept me alive when I went to kill myself.
I'm just so down all the time I'm a mess and feel like a bad parent. I'm under the care of a crisis team and mental health professionals. Here goes..
My daughter is rolling on 9 weeks old. A few weeks ago I tried to kill myself. I had been keeping my mother in law at arms length throughout pregnancy as she kept upsetting me and becoming too overbearing and generally annoying the hell out of me. When I tried to kill myself my mother in law took the opportunity to become the night in shining armour and move into the spare bedroom / baby's future room. She's been living with us for rolling on 4 weeks now.
At first it was great don't get me wrong. Even now I still appreciate some of the help but this is not turning into a negative for me and here's why...
She's started leaving the house a mess, crumbs on the side and plates and stuff about. She will wash bottles but doesn't do alot to help out. Buys the odd bit of shopping but mostly sits cuddling my daughter.
She's been critesising the fact I'm not doing alot to lose weight. Judges what I eat and drink and is 'encouraging' me to lose weight. Slags off the meals I cooked so I've stopped cooking something which I used to enjoy.
She has her foot in the door and slowly takes over with her routines and the way she does things which I don't like. She put a dummy in my daughter's mouth and kept tapping it with her nail!? Kept not giving her medicine for her reflux so she is pukey and uncomfortable because she does not want to medicate her.
She has taken over my daughter at nights and won't give her back. I was happy for the sleep at first but she has my daughter all night long in the spare bedroom and when we tell her to take a night off she refuses.
I feel like I'm under 24 hour surveillance. She is always sitting next to my daughter's Moses basket. MIL went out today and I took my daughter upstairs so she was with me while I put my makeup on and MIL came back and came charging up in to my room looking for her and took her off into her room.
I feel so low. I feel like I'm unable to be a mother. I was happy for the help but now I'm really not. Do I sound ungrateful or unreasonable??
The health visitor had a word with me in private and said she thinks it's fulfilling my mother in laws needs more than mine.
I'm going to talk to my partner tonight bit I have no idea on how to even begin phasing her out of our house she seems too comfortable. It kills me to see my daughter spending more of her life with my MIL than me.
Has anyone had this!? I feel at a loss

OP posts:
catlady45 · 03/03/2018 12:06

Aw hanna that sounds awful. Stay strong. Are your parents with you yet ? I second sitting down with your partner and mil and trying to talk this through. Are the crisis team coming out to see you ? X

ohfourfoxache · 03/03/2018 12:06

Do your parents know the truth about what they’ve put you through?

Willswife · 03/03/2018 12:11

Withholding a young baby from it's mother is not in the child's best interest and neither is it going to help you which is what everyone should be working towards.

Show this thread to the crisis team. Is a mother and baby unit an option? It would give you the support you need but away from the evil treatment you are getting from those that are supposed to love you.

Qcumber · 03/03/2018 12:13

OP I don't think they can legally keep your baby from you. You need to go with your parents now and take her back.

Qcumber · 03/03/2018 12:13

The longer she stays with them, the harder it will be to prove you're the primary carer.

seven201 · 03/03/2018 12:15

Oh my gosh. My friend was in a mum and baby unit for severe post natal depression. It was a great place. You mentioned it earlier. I think you should ask to go to one and get the support you need and space away from MIL and 'd'H. Keep fighting for her

gingergenius · 03/03/2018 12:24

Bloody hell what an awful situation. I hope you find a way through it OP

AvoidingDM · 03/03/2018 12:27

Can your parents go with you to demand that baby is handed back to you?

OliviaBenson · 03/03/2018 12:27

The thing is if you are taken to hospital it should be to a mother and baby unit.

Can you show the crisis team this thread?

StaplesCorner · 03/03/2018 12:58

100% show them this thread. I had a bad feeling this would escalate quickly.

There is a lot that can be done, but OP is probably not in a state to do it - maybe your parents could help with the crisis team, you need a strong advocate to get the baby back to you so you can go to a mother and baby unit.

AvoidingDM · 03/03/2018 12:58

Hanna who called the crisis team? Your MIL or parents?

Demand the baby back, you don't want to be going through courts.

AvoidingDM · 03/03/2018 13:01

Have you spoken to the team, police or anybody?
Have you made sure baby's documents ie birth certificate is hidden, under your control.

StaplesCorner · 03/03/2018 13:05

I think the most important thing here is to get over to the police and the crisis team that your MiL and DH caused this to happen - its a form of coercive abuse. Has anyone from the team come out to actually see you Hanna?

WednesdayAddams2525 · 03/03/2018 13:11

Sounds like she's doing you no good at a time when you are already feeling vulnerable and don't need this extra pressure. You need to think of yourself at this time and I'm sure she's big enough to accept your decision.

Sounds like you have really been through the mill, just remember to put your needs before hers, you and your partner and baby are what is important here.

I really feel for you reading this, sounds like you've done all the right things with getting help. I really hope this all turns around for you soon xx

AvoidingDM · 03/03/2018 13:27

Hanna I really feel for you I've just checked back 2 of your old threads. Written in August.

*Hannabee123

I just feel like things are really out of my control and it's all so unorganized I could pull my hair out! I appreciate that once she arrives I will needs lots of different things but I would atleast like an input on certain items.
The way the mother in law is acting is just awful. She's hounding my mum about baby items which is uncalled for and she is being very controlling and possessive sometimes.

I actually feel like she will snatch my baby away when she is born*

You need to let people read this I think MIL has got exactly what she wanted. Baby in her house and you out the picture.
I'm thinking she is not going to hand baby back without a fight. I'd have no fears about sending some big blokes round to get your baby back.

catlady45 · 03/03/2018 13:37

Aw op, I wish we could help you :(

Rach000 · 03/03/2018 13:55

Hope you are getting this sorted. Wishing you lots of luck. Try to stay strong and show everyone you will be a great mum. X

Panickypete · 03/03/2018 13:58

It can’t be legal to remove the baby from the mother and refuse to give her back! And going through the courts would take months! Op you should phone an emergency solicitor and call the police back as a 999. Tell them EVERYTHING, not just what has happened with her taking the baby.

My heart aches for you.

AvoidingDM · 03/03/2018 14:15

The trouble is the father of baby is there too in the eyes of the law he has equal rights to the mother. Hence the police saying it will need to go to court.

Hence the op / ops family are going to have to take things into their own hands or face a legal custody fight.

mintich · 03/03/2018 14:20

I hope you have called the police to say that she has been kidnapped, because that's what has happened

Ginger1982 · 03/03/2018 14:22

Hanna, you need to get your baby back. Can you go and take her, with your parents help? Then go home and have your parents stay with you and don't let MIL have baby. Also, I would contact a lawyer ASAP to get an emergency hearing on residence and an order preventing baby being removed.

RandomMess · 03/03/2018 14:27

I think your best tactic is to ask DH to come home with baby and your parents will stay with you to help. That if the crises team are worried you will go into a mother and baby unit.

Thanks
Notamorningperson84 · 03/03/2018 14:46

Could you agree to let 'D'H and MIL come back with the baby and carry on as before for a few days. Then arrange a place in the mother and baby unit without them knowing and just go the first chance you get?

AvoidingDM · 03/03/2018 15:05

Any further updates op?

I really feel for you and can't stop thinking about you.

Original poster
Hannabee123 · 03/03/2018 15:44

My partner called the crisis team on me. The police told my parents to go over and ask for the baby and if they don't give her it needs to be settled by courts. The mother and baby unit is my only option they are trying to arrange it niw. Social services are now involved and said the baby should be with mother so I'm hoping she gets removed soon I want her so badly

OP posts:
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