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Original poster

MIL moved in

883 replies

Hannabee123 · 27/02/2018 18:58

Post natal depression has really kicked me in the nuts. I will clarify before I begin... I have no desire harming my child she is perfect and kept me alive when I went to kill myself.
I'm just so down all the time I'm a mess and feel like a bad parent. I'm under the care of a crisis team and mental health professionals. Here goes..
My daughter is rolling on 9 weeks old. A few weeks ago I tried to kill myself. I had been keeping my mother in law at arms length throughout pregnancy as she kept upsetting me and becoming too overbearing and generally annoying the hell out of me. When I tried to kill myself my mother in law took the opportunity to become the night in shining armour and move into the spare bedroom / baby's future room. She's been living with us for rolling on 4 weeks now.
At first it was great don't get me wrong. Even now I still appreciate some of the help but this is not turning into a negative for me and here's why...
She's started leaving the house a mess, crumbs on the side and plates and stuff about. She will wash bottles but doesn't do alot to help out. Buys the odd bit of shopping but mostly sits cuddling my daughter.
She's been critesising the fact I'm not doing alot to lose weight. Judges what I eat and drink and is 'encouraging' me to lose weight. Slags off the meals I cooked so I've stopped cooking something which I used to enjoy.
She has her foot in the door and slowly takes over with her routines and the way she does things which I don't like. She put a dummy in my daughter's mouth and kept tapping it with her nail!? Kept not giving her medicine for her reflux so she is pukey and uncomfortable because she does not want to medicate her.
She has taken over my daughter at nights and won't give her back. I was happy for the sleep at first but she has my daughter all night long in the spare bedroom and when we tell her to take a night off she refuses.
I feel like I'm under 24 hour surveillance. She is always sitting next to my daughter's Moses basket. MIL went out today and I took my daughter upstairs so she was with me while I put my makeup on and MIL came back and came charging up in to my room looking for her and took her off into her room.
I feel so low. I feel like I'm unable to be a mother. I was happy for the help but now I'm really not. Do I sound ungrateful or unreasonable??
The health visitor had a word with me in private and said she thinks it's fulfilling my mother in laws needs more than mine.
I'm going to talk to my partner tonight bit I have no idea on how to even begin phasing her out of our house she seems too comfortable. It kills me to see my daughter spending more of her life with my MIL than me.
Has anyone had this!? I feel at a loss

OP posts:
LadyCassandra · 03/03/2018 06:10

I really hope your parents are a good support for you. Please contact your crisis team and see if you can get placed in a mother and baby unit immediately. I pray your baby is back first thing.
Please keep posting, I hope you’re ok

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 03/03/2018 06:31

Was there a time agreed for your dd to be returned? If there was, and they are late, I would be calling the police. I wouldn't trust your MIL - or your partner - in this situation.

Last night wasn't your fault AT ALL but I suspect your MIL and DP will not be playing fair, so I'd advise keeping calm as much as humanly possible so that they have no ammunition against you.

Sending you many, many good thoughts. This is just awful for you, but YOU WILL COPE.

Qcumber · 03/03/2018 07:02

Yes as PP said. If they are not back at the arranged time call the police and say your mother in law and ex have kidnapped your daughter. Because that is what it is. He has no right to take your baby from you. They don't have 'father and baby' units for a reason!
You're going to be so much better off without them. I hope your baby is back soon x

ThatsWotSheSaid · 03/03/2018 07:22

How are you today op? Did you get any sleep?

honeysucklejasmine · 03/03/2018 07:24

Oh Hanna. I am so sad for you. I am pleased the HV is on your side and can advocate for you about what's been going on. Definitely go to your parents or ask for a place at a mother and baby unit.

Afreshcuppateaplease · 03/03/2018 07:30

So sorry your going through this op Flowers

LavenderDoll · 03/03/2018 07:56

Hope you manage to get to your mum and dad's with your baby.
MIL is a nasty piece of work

Panickypete · 03/03/2018 08:27

Are you ok Hanna? If they took your baby from you then you need to log it with the police, the attack also. And run away to your parents.

Hesburger · 03/03/2018 08:52

Wishing you lots of strength Today. I have cried reading your thread. A fresh start without them is what you need. Good luck.

ladymariner · 03/03/2018 09:10

Wishing you all the best, Hanna, hope things start to improve for you.

snowdrummer · 03/03/2018 09:15

@Hannabee123 hope you're holding up ok this morning? I'm so sorry you had to go through that last night, your partner really is a big part of the problem. I can't believe he did that. There's often a good reason for being a single parent and this is definitely one of them.

You deserve so much better. I'm so pleased your parents are coming to get you. I hope you get your daughter back ASAP this morning and both get away safely. Do not hesitate to call the police if you feel in danger.

Thinking of you Hanna

CotswoldStrife · 03/03/2018 09:16

I hope this works out best for the OP but I am amazed that so many people here think it's fine for the OP's mother to be involved but not the MIL. It could be that the OP is not well at the moment and needs some support. Please bear in mind that the Police seem happy that the baby was safe last night. OP, I would urge you to call your crisis team if the Police didn't contact them for you last night.

I hope it works out well for everyone involved.

Qcumber · 03/03/2018 09:19

Cotswold the OPs mum isn't trying to prevent her from holding her own baby Hmm this isn't a MIL bashing thread. If it were the OPs mum acting this way, posters would still be giving the same advice.

GreenTulips · 03/03/2018 09:40

but I am amazed that so many people here think it's fine for the OP's mother to be involved but not the MIL

OPs mum hasn't attacked her

AvoidingDM · 03/03/2018 09:54

The Mil put herself between mum and baby. Op needs support. Not somebody to barge in and take over and criticise her cooking and body shape weeks after giving birth.

Hanna have you got your baby back?
If not phone the police.

ohfourfoxache · 03/03/2018 09:56

Hanna I’ve just felt sick reading your update. I’m so sorry, that is absolutely disgusting.

I’m so glad your parents are coming to get you and dd.

Please, update your HV and crisis team (have you got a crisis card?)

Sweetheart my gut feeling is that you’ll feel less depressed when you’re away from both of these abusive arseholes.

I wish I could reach through the screen and give you a huge hug. You’re going to be ok x

Withhindsight · 03/03/2018 10:22

Oh Hanna I'm so pleased your parents are coming for you and baby. You do need time just you and your baby away from all this conflict. You must contact the crisis team or hv to at least keep them in the loop otherwise if DH starts a custody battle you have the health professionals fully aware of what is happening and they can help you.

MrsDrSpencerReid · 03/03/2018 10:53

Is everything ok OP?

MrsDrSpencerReid · 03/03/2018 11:13

I’ve just read some of OP’s other posts (I had to search to find this one again, didn’t mean to go looking) and I’m really worried for her, her DH and his family sound horrific Sad No wonder she’s ended up in this state, they’ve been interfering since she found out she was expecting Shock

Hopefully you’re on your way to your folks place now with your precious DD Flowers

LoveProsecco · 03/03/2018 11:20

Hanna what you are going through is horrendous. Keep being brave and asking your crisis team etc for help

Fishface77 · 03/03/2018 11:40

Hope everything is ok hanna x

Original poster
Hannabee123 · 03/03/2018 11:47

My baby still smisnt here and they called the crisis team and they are saying I can't go with my parents and I'm in no fit state to make any big decisions. My parents are here and they called the police and the police said to my parents to gonand ask for the baby back and if they refuse they can keep her and we will have to go through courts

I'm so devastated

I'm worried I'm going to be sectioned if I go with my parents and I'm worried about my daughter

OP posts:
Original poster
Hannabee123 · 03/03/2018 11:53

I feel sick

OP posts:
AvoidingDM · 03/03/2018 11:57

Where are you? Are your parents with You?

CiderwithBuda · 03/03/2018 12:02

Can you and your parents sit down with your partner and his mother and talk this through calmly. Maybe with someone from th crisis team or a HV if one can get to you?

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