MIL moved in

[Hannabee123]

Post natal depression has really kicked me in the nuts. I will clarify before I begin... I have no desire harming my child she is perfect and kept me alive when I went to kill myself.
I'm just so down all the time I'm a mess and feel like a bad parent. I'm under the care of a crisis team and mental health professionals. Here goes..
My daughter is rolling on 9 weeks old. A few weeks ago I tried to kill myself. I had been keeping my mother in law at arms length throughout pregnancy as she kept upsetting me and becoming too overbearing and generally annoying the hell out of me. When I tried to kill myself my mother in law took the opportunity to become the night in shining armour and move into the spare bedroom / baby's future room. She's been living with us for rolling on 4 weeks now.
At first it was great don't get me wrong. Even now I still appreciate some of the help but this is not turning into a negative for me and here's why...
She's started leaving the house a mess, crumbs on the side and plates and stuff about. She will wash bottles but doesn't do alot to help out. Buys the odd bit of shopping but mostly sits cuddling my daughter.
She's been critesising the fact I'm not doing alot to lose weight. Judges what I eat and drink and is 'encouraging' me to lose weight. Slags off the meals I cooked so I've stopped cooking something which I used to enjoy.
She has her foot in the door and slowly takes over with her routines and the way she does things which I don't like. She put a dummy in my daughter's mouth and kept tapping it with her nail!? Kept not giving her medicine for her reflux so she is pukey and uncomfortable because she does not want to medicate her.
She has taken over my daughter at nights and won't give her back. I was happy for the sleep at first but she has my daughter all night long in the spare bedroom and when we tell her to take a night off she refuses.
I feel like I'm under 24 hour surveillance. She is always sitting next to my daughter's Moses basket. MIL went out today and I took my daughter upstairs so she was with me while I put my makeup on and MIL came back and came charging up in to my room looking for her and took her off into her room.
I feel so low. I feel like I'm unable to be a mother. I was happy for the help but now I'm really not. Do I sound ungrateful or unreasonable??
The health visitor had a word with me in private and said she thinks it's fulfilling my mother in laws needs more than mine.
I'm going to talk to my partner tonight bit I have no idea on how to even begin phasing her out of our house she seems too comfortable. It kills me to see my daughter spending more of her life with my MIL than me.
Has anyone had this!? I feel at a loss

I'm praying it will be in a contact centre worst case. No contact would be a dream

I get the impression courts do everything to make sure fathers have contact as much as I don't want it

As he keeps contacting SS himself with ridiculous claims, they are aware of what he is like and by now they'll know that he is just talking bollocks. This will go a very long way in your favour.

See your solicitor, and find out for sure whose testimony the Court will take; will they take info from SS, your SW, CAFCASS, police, WA, GP, HV, nursery, who?

When you know whose reports will be standard in the Court, then collect letters from as many agencies/organisations as you can - letters or reports, saying what they think. Find out what you can submit for your evidence, and then get as much as you can, from your mum saying she's prepared to help (if she is and is able to and you want her to) to an official reportfrom your gp as to your state of health, WA outlining your case and reiterating their willingness to support you, etc etc. Everyone who has a good word to say about you and your care of dd!

This will stop, really it will. And you and dd will be happy.

OP agree with JUX and if he contacts you, don't pick up the calls if you can but save anything in writing and record anything he says to your answer phone so you can use it as evidence and take to your solicitor.

It just doesn't seem to end. He's out for blood but he's not contacting me directly just making loads of calls to SS in hopes they will barge my door down and take her off me

Ah Hanna it will end, hang in, try and smile every time he is a tosser. It will probably end sooner rather than later if he carries on like this. Hopefully SS are logging it all, he is doing a great job for your solicitor in that she won't have much work to do on evidencing his character and why he shouldn't have baby. He is laying it all bare for everyone to see - much better for you that he is like this rather than a smiling assassin who hides his true colours.

He is laying it all bare for everyone to see - much better for you that he is like this rather than a smiling assassin who hides his true colours.

It's true that.

Hope you're doing okay and that your little love is thriving

Sorry this ex of yours is still being such a pain. Ideally any contact he has should be in a contact centre and be supervised throughout. He really does sound mentally unstable so hopefully his behaviour over the last month with social services will convince the court that unsupervised contact is not a good idea.

I really do think he is his own worst enemy and therefore your friend, legal-wise. He is showing SS every time he contacts them exactly what he is like. When it comes to Court, his record will be seen, his behaviour assessed by the Judge, and the incontrovertible FACT that he and mil absconded with your baby and kept you away from her.

You will have so much reasonable evidence backing you when you ask for supervised contact.

Luckily mil was involved in the kidnapping of your baby, and has made a few unreasonable calls to SSherself, so it's unlikely Court would approve her as a supervisor.

It seems to me (but I am not qualified) that you have a very strong case for Contact Centre.

Try to view his shenanigans as a good thing, force a mental 'whoop' each time you know about it.

I can't believe the difference in you, from how you were when you first started posting. You are so clearly intelligent and strong and capable. Believe in yourself, Hanna, you're a

He has contact centre and his mum isn't allowed to see her cafcass are doing a section 7 on how to make contact safe for future.
I've contacted CSA because I don't have alot of money they are going to sort it for me. Feeling quite fragile at the min

You're doing so well Hannah, look how far you've come since the beginning of this thread. I'm glad MIL isn't allowed to see her.

Well done

Hanabee this sounds like good news, the wheels are turning although it may take a while. Hang in there, it must be so draining, but think of how far you have come since your first posts and pat yourself on the back. You could still be hiding upstairs with MIL holding DD hostage if you hadn't gathered your strength and pushed back. It's no wonder that you are feeling fragile, you've had all this as well as the long days/nights with new babies- should be jolly proud of yourself. Pat yourself on the back, cuddle DD and try and plan some R&R, a long bubbly bath perhaps?

This has been an incredible thread to watch. Go hanna go!

Just looked to see how you are doing and so glad that you are still doing well and also in control of things. Well done Hanna and so glad that he only sees her supervised and mil does not these people must never be trusted alone or near her really just inform anything that they do anything and the authorities must know!

Taking her for her first contact today my stomachs in free fall and I just feel sick and stressed. Il await the call from social services with whatever he wants to make up I guess

Good luck Hanna. Don't let him get the better of you. SS seems to have got his measure so he can do what he wants and he will come out of it looking bad not you.

At a Centre? It'll be fine, they're there for one purpose only, and that's to keep children and babies safe during contact. She will be safe, and she will settle again when she comes back to you.

He can make up whatever he likes, the more the better really - it will come home to roost upon him. SS already know what to expect from him, so let him hang himself.

Keep your chin up. You have every reason to be damn proud of yourself.

I wish it all goes well for you today

Yeah it's at a supervised centre. No calls off social services yet but it's still early I guess.
He's going to be hit with csa this week so expecting abit of trouble from it.
What worries me is that it won't stay in a centre forever and moving forward she will be in contact with his family and his dreaded mother. I'm not sure where to go should I make recommendations to cafcass that handovers should be supervised in future to cause less conflict and stress and reduce the risk of any violent incidents?
I'm abit miffed that courts allow abusive people to have access to young children I was reading about people killing children to get back at other parent. Extreme I know but it's just scary. I feel so tense and edgy with the situation at the moment and him seeing her but I know I'm going to have to get over it and I have no choice as it's all going to be set out in court orders

Stick to your guns you are the one in control now make him pay. Let them know how concerned you are about them sticking to the rules. He won't be able to so much as fart without someone watching him. Just stay strong your future is there for you to enjoy as the mother your daughter needs. Make sure you enjoy being a mum as they grow in a blink of an eye. You have been through so much just relish your mum daughter time that's really important for you.

Good luck, Hanna. Thinking of you.

A link to this thread has been posted on another. I hope you and your little girl are doing well now Hannah.

I'm another one who came here from the link posted in another thread. I do hope all is going better now Hanna.

Same here, thread was recommended. Hope you are doing ok @Hanna

And me. Thinking of you and hoping all is as well as it can possibly be xx

What thread??