MIL moved in

[Hannabee123]

Post natal depression has really kicked me in the nuts. I will clarify before I begin... I have no desire harming my child she is perfect and kept me alive when I went to kill myself.
I'm just so down all the time I'm a mess and feel like a bad parent. I'm under the care of a crisis team and mental health professionals. Here goes..
My daughter is rolling on 9 weeks old. A few weeks ago I tried to kill myself. I had been keeping my mother in law at arms length throughout pregnancy as she kept upsetting me and becoming too overbearing and generally annoying the hell out of me. When I tried to kill myself my mother in law took the opportunity to become the night in shining armour and move into the spare bedroom / baby's future room. She's been living with us for rolling on 4 weeks now.
At first it was great don't get me wrong. Even now I still appreciate some of the help but this is not turning into a negative for me and here's why...
She's started leaving the house a mess, crumbs on the side and plates and stuff about. She will wash bottles but doesn't do alot to help out. Buys the odd bit of shopping but mostly sits cuddling my daughter.
She's been critesising the fact I'm not doing alot to lose weight. Judges what I eat and drink and is 'encouraging' me to lose weight. Slags off the meals I cooked so I've stopped cooking something which I used to enjoy.
She has her foot in the door and slowly takes over with her routines and the way she does things which I don't like. She put a dummy in my daughter's mouth and kept tapping it with her nail!? Kept not giving her medicine for her reflux so she is pukey and uncomfortable because she does not want to medicate her.
She has taken over my daughter at nights and won't give her back. I was happy for the sleep at first but she has my daughter all night long in the spare bedroom and when we tell her to take a night off she refuses.
I feel like I'm under 24 hour surveillance. She is always sitting next to my daughter's Moses basket. MIL went out today and I took my daughter upstairs so she was with me while I put my makeup on and MIL came back and came charging up in to my room looking for her and took her off into her room.
I feel so low. I feel like I'm unable to be a mother. I was happy for the help but now I'm really not. Do I sound ungrateful or unreasonable??
The health visitor had a word with me in private and said she thinks it's fulfilling my mother in laws needs more than mine.
I'm going to talk to my partner tonight bit I have no idea on how to even begin phasing her out of our house she seems too comfortable. It kills me to see my daughter spending more of her life with my MIL than me.
Has anyone had this!? I feel at a loss

also PND is a sickness, you are/were fragile, he abused you at your most susceptible time. he is abusive & tried to kill his Ex.....
The whole lot are bullying someone already in difficulty
You are the victim, & you have already shown how strong you can be fighting for your baby .... You waere almost helped to injure yourself.
Have faith, all abusers throw down the unfit card

Blue is right, stay calm & focused.
you are really doing well
make notes of all the abuse they have thrown on you

We All think you are an inspiration to women. Keep fighting and never lose faith you and baby will be fine. You are an incredible woman and mum you just believe in yourself your future will get better x

Hanna, my love, he will say whatever he can think of, but always remember that both your hv and sw have already stated they have no concerns about your ability to care for your daughter.

Don't worry about any mental health assessment; you've got rid of the cause.

Were you successful in getting the visitation order suspended?

I'm sure she must think she's helping you but you need to make her realise this could make your postnatal depression worse. You need to tell your partner that it has to slowly change so everyone is comfortable.
I wish you all the best

The order was suspended he's called social services on me today accusing me of drugging my child and cutting my wrists I don't even have any self harm scars on my wrists

Have you heard the expression give a man enough rope and he will hang himself? His hatred for you will ultimately show a judge he is unfit to be around your dd.
Keep records of his harassment of you.

And stay strong.

curious86 you really need to read the whole thread.

Hanna, thats actually the best news for you. Add it to the list of documentation that you already have as evidence to use against him. The more he lies, the more likely you are to succeed.

Well done on everything you have achieved so far. You are doing amazingly well. Keep on being strong.

Don't worry what he said about you drugging your baby and cutting your wrists shows how desperate he is , these are things that can easily be shown as an untruth. A test would show anything in you child's blood and as for cutting your wrist I saw someone who did that and they have permanent scars years after. Everything he says will just look bad in the face of the true evidence. Like the other lady said give him enough rope.

I had to take her to a court hearing with me last minuite and he saw her a moment after my dad had fed her and she wasn't interested in him now he's made reports saying I've drugged her and she's limp and lifeless. Why didn't he raise these concerns at the time. My dad used a ready made milk and asked the security guard to open it at court. Why the hell would he say I drug her and do things to her it's really getting me down

I am so glad your baby has you as a mother, someone who never gave up the fight. The idea of any child being in the care of those two makes my blood run cold.

& you would drug her, Why?
So your dad was feeding her, she was dozy after being fed.
He is using anything to try & force the contact. it will fail, in fact it will work in your favour.

You need to try and stop giving him so much headspace. His accusations are nonsense and easily defended. He's pathetic really.

Detach as much as you can, record everything in terms of the harassment and work with social services, and anyone else involved.

Stay strong op. You can do this.

He's never heard the term "milk drunk" then.

He's just clutching at straws all this is shown him to be mentally unstable to ever have this rubbish in his head really, it's not the words of a rational person. Please write and record everything get your witness statements together. Make sure everything even the tiniest thing that you might think is insignificant, put it all down. What is worrying is, these might be the last ditched words of a failing man but this is a incredible untrustworthy man with past form. Don't give him an inch not a cm nothing you are the one in control, believe it cause he hates that and you will be able to study him next time look him in the eye show him you are not scared that you are as strong a woman he has never seen he's running scared you have all the power and need to believe in your power, believe in yourself.

Hanna, he says these things because he is angry with you and anything he can think of he will say. He knows it's not true, but he also knows that it will inconvenience you (to say the least). The more he does it the better. It's all proof of his harrassment of you and of the sort of person he is.

He is actually playing right into your hands, and you don't even have to help him do it! None of it will make him look good when you do get to Court. It will all make him look unstable, bonkers, dangerous - all the things he accuses you of are the very things he is guilty of.

Keep everything. Do not delete anything.

Can you think of it all positively, rather than becoming upset by it? Think "ah! more proof of his madness", rather than allowing yourself to be upset by it? No one believes him, no one who matters. No WILL believe him. Court will recognise what he's up to straight away and what sort of person he is therefore. This is all good news really.

He's going to make so many mistakes. I can see he's already started. That's all you have to do is keep being that strong and caring woman, the lioness watching her cub he will never get his way ever again believe in your strength and it will be better before you know it . Rest well and keep your nourishment you will be fine.

Hanna as hard as this may sound, laugh indwardy at him, he is sooo desperate. I don't know about the legality alongside his allegations but surely they won't take his word for it, just pass it all on to your solicitor and whatever you do don't react negatively, loose your temper, shout etc, just stay calm. He wants a reaction from you. They will see through him. He's getting rattled, all by himself. Deep breath and enjoy your baby

Love and nurture can make you feel a little bit drugged. Glad your DD gets these feelings from you and your parents. It’s what she needs.

As everyone else has said, pay no attention to the lies except to say to yourself that Ex is making an evidential burden for his own back.

Hanna as hard as this may sound, laugh indwardy at him, he is sooo desperate

this is so true!

I just fear what s going to happen next or what I'm going to be accused of when he finally gets any contact with her. Will I have to strip her and take pictures before he sees her so he can't accuse me of anything!? Drugging my child!? Slitting my wrists!? What the actual fuck is wrong with them. I'm terrified in case I get the social or the police I don't know what the hell he's going to accuse me of. I know social services knew it was a malicious call but it's a serious accusation to claim. I just feel sick all the time

Keep a record of absolutely everything. The more he makes these complaints the bigger the hole he digs for himself. Time and again his complaints will be proven false, so he makes himself less and less believable as time goes on.

Hanna you just carry on being a wonderful mum. That is all you have to do

You have struggled with mh but many people have. These people are poisonous and all of your past threads prove it.

Keep protecting your little girl, you have the whole of Mumsnet behind you, and we are not going down without a fight.

Hanna I know it's a lot right now, but keep working on documenting everything. Every single contact, what he's said, when.

Given what's happened in your shoes I'd be working towards ensuring as little contact as possible between my daughter and him (working with a solicitor on it!) The intensely abusive messages and claims and actions (taking and keeping her) are all part of a pattern that needs to be recorded so that the courts can see it. I think you shoudl be going for not having any contact at all with him but to justify that, you have to show just how abusive he is being - every single incident.

It's more work and it's all upsetting, but if you possibly can, I think this could make your and your daughter's life far better in the future.