MIL moved in

[Hannabee123]

Post natal depression has really kicked me in the nuts. I will clarify before I begin... I have no desire harming my child she is perfect and kept me alive when I went to kill myself.
I'm just so down all the time I'm a mess and feel like a bad parent. I'm under the care of a crisis team and mental health professionals. Here goes..
My daughter is rolling on 9 weeks old. A few weeks ago I tried to kill myself. I had been keeping my mother in law at arms length throughout pregnancy as she kept upsetting me and becoming too overbearing and generally annoying the hell out of me. When I tried to kill myself my mother in law took the opportunity to become the night in shining armour and move into the spare bedroom / baby's future room. She's been living with us for rolling on 4 weeks now.
At first it was great don't get me wrong. Even now I still appreciate some of the help but this is not turning into a negative for me and here's why...
She's started leaving the house a mess, crumbs on the side and plates and stuff about. She will wash bottles but doesn't do alot to help out. Buys the odd bit of shopping but mostly sits cuddling my daughter.
She's been critesising the fact I'm not doing alot to lose weight. Judges what I eat and drink and is 'encouraging' me to lose weight. Slags off the meals I cooked so I've stopped cooking something which I used to enjoy.
She has her foot in the door and slowly takes over with her routines and the way she does things which I don't like. She put a dummy in my daughter's mouth and kept tapping it with her nail!? Kept not giving her medicine for her reflux so she is pukey and uncomfortable because she does not want to medicate her.
She has taken over my daughter at nights and won't give her back. I was happy for the sleep at first but she has my daughter all night long in the spare bedroom and when we tell her to take a night off she refuses.
I feel like I'm under 24 hour surveillance. She is always sitting next to my daughter's Moses basket. MIL went out today and I took my daughter upstairs so she was with me while I put my makeup on and MIL came back and came charging up in to my room looking for her and took her off into her room.
I feel so low. I feel like I'm unable to be a mother. I was happy for the help but now I'm really not. Do I sound ungrateful or unreasonable??
The health visitor had a word with me in private and said she thinks it's fulfilling my mother in laws needs more than mine.
I'm going to talk to my partner tonight bit I have no idea on how to even begin phasing her out of our house she seems too comfortable. It kills me to see my daughter spending more of her life with my MIL than me.
Has anyone had this!? I feel at a loss

I nearly cheered out loud when I saw you'd got her back!

It would be worth considering not getting your stuff back. It can all be replaced in time. You can't. Well done you. And a big fat YES to counselling, you've been through an unimaginable hell x

Hello Hanna, how's you day been? I hope all is great and you and your family doing well.

My heads just telling me to run I'm a wreck I don't know what they are going to do next I'm just scared all the time

You have been seriously gaslighted and I hope you are still being attended to by your health professionals now that they know the true picture.

No the crisis team fucked me off before court because there was nothing wrong with me id just been abused.
I'm really struggling being a single parent. I know I'm better off out of that environment and there's definitely no going back but it's just really hard work. I hate my life right now everything's just gone to shit I can't even see what my future is going to be like or how I'm gonna manage

Hi Hanna
Its hard being a parent to a tiny baby, let alone a single one!
Take each day as it comes, try not to think about the future. Go for walks, take baby out.
Join some mother and baby groups to get out etc. It does make things better.
The more you stay in with your baby the harder it is.

Hanna you have come so far and have battled the bad around you for so long. You are mentally and physically exhausted, that's for sure. You need to try and get out and about to the park, trip to the shops, anything to get out there. A talk with people, whoever in passing will do wonders to your mood and stress. The suns out and springs about and babies love getting out especially when their eyesight has improved so much for them to see and fresh air can do wonders. Don't forget Hanna you are an incredible inspiration to others in you situation you are the strongest of the strong but you need to relax and rest now. Don't worry things will turn out as you want but rest is the best medicine for now. X

Hanna have you applied for all the benefits you are entitled to? Make an appointment and go down to your local d s s and they can check what you're entitled to. They can also advise on housing it worth a visit anyway just see what you can have.

Hanna the first weeks and months are hard. They nearly broke me and I’ve “only” got depression - and that’s with a supportive dh.

You are not only doing this on your own; you’re doing it with a background of horrific and prolonged abuse.

You, my dear, are fucking amazing. You’re fighting, you’re surviving and you’re looking after your beautiful little girl. I’m in absolute awe of single parents anyway, but you? You’re absolutely something else.

I really hope that you believe all of us who say you’re doing an amazing job

OK, Hanna, you're going to be all right. Yes, it's bloody hard work, but it's far better to have your baby and to be able to make decisions about her and about your care of her, than to have all that imposed on you by mil.

"This too shall pass" is an old MN mantra which is really useful at the baby stage. This is a stage, your baby won't be this dependent for terribly long, and actually, when she's 6 months old, or a year old you won't believe that time has passed so fast (just wait until she's 18! I can now absolutely understand my own father's utter shock when he realised I was 30! ).

So keep saying that mantra to yourself. I'm saying it to myself again, as dd is approachingA levels, and getting more and more stressed!

I'm sorry, that's not perhaps a very helpful post.

I am thinking of you, and am deeply sympathetic towards you and the struggles you are undergoing. I also believe that you will win through, hard though it can be.

You have been through the mill, Hanna, but you have come out with flying colours. Enjoy your dd, babies change so fast, they are a real lesson in being in the here and now.

Morning Hanna,

I hope you are getting plenty of sleep. I'll second what Bengal said, get LO out in her pram and go for a walk, the weather will be great today and you will both feel better.

Are you still getting regular visits from professionals? If not, I wasn't sure if that was what your last post was about, mention to the Health visiter that you need extra support at the moment just to see you through the adjustment, and I repeat what I said earlier and so many others have said, push for counselling quickly, push very hard.

you will, hannabee, you will.

Take it day by day, hour by hour if you have to. You've been through an appalling ideal - I still can't believe your MIL took your newborn every night and then took her away completely!

You've been through nearly the worst that any mother can go through, though thank god you got her back. But you have PND (mind you I bet it came from them), you have this horrible, horrible experience, lost all your illusions about your relationship with your exP, and have moved homes. On top of that, you have a very tiny baby to adjust to and care for and just about everyone finds that stressful in itself!

You are a very strong woman. When you look back in ten years you'll see that. Right now it's one foot in front of the other. If you can, enjoy the very small good things - her smiles, that hour of sleep you do get, the sense that at last your parents were there for you. Give yourself time to grieve and be angry too, it's ok.

Don't forget Hanna you are an incredible inspiration to others in you situation you are the strongest of the strong but you need to relax and rest now.

This. even if you can't see it right now. Print it out and read it every so often.

Hanna parenting is hard, like others have said. You are doing amazing and you have your DD.

Phone your health visitor and tell her how you’re feeling.

They can refer you on to the support you need.

You doing amazing Hanna, stay strong

There's a quote by Lisa Vanderpump, I admit I watch real housewives of B H "Throw me to the wolves and I'll return leading the pack" I have a print of that a4 size on my bathroom wall. Something about me haveIng 5 sons a daughter and an ex army husband I look at that today because of my crazy Bengal who just scratched the wallpaper on D D bedroom window! Nowhere near what you are going through. Anyway I thought this saying could apply to you or any women having a bad time at the moment . Because this is what this is a moment in time . You and your little princess have a fabulous future ahead of you, I know it's hard to see at this time. And because you have had to fight so hard you will cherish and respect it a incredible amount more than the average person out there. Remember what a wonderful woman you are. X

Blueeyedeagle - my thoughts exactly

Went to court again today to get his visitation order suspended until the next hearing. Him and his solicitor claimed I'm mentally unstable and said social services said they had concerns over my mental Health??? Surely if that was the case she wouldn't be allowed with me.
He's trying to make me out to be mental and unstable. I just feel devistated how many times do these people want to ruin my life will this ever end. Apparently wants me to undergo a mental health assessment

Do he and his mother get MH assessments too? If not, why not?

If MH was a primary concern then the crisis team would still be involved.

And even if MH is/was a concern then that doesn’t mean that you and dd should be separated - quite the opposite in fact

How are you doing?

Him and his solicitor claimed I'm mentally unstable and said social services said they had concerns over my mental Health???

Just how often have they told the truth, been supportive or shown you respect since your baby was born?

In the gentlest way, why does their muck-spreaking suprise you? It was bound to happen, and SS know that as well as you. They are the target of more lies by people trying to manipulate them and get at the ex, than a school canteen is full of dinners.

I hope your

I hope your parents are looking after you and supporting you

Don't let this get to you he's still trying to control. Keep strong if you fall apart it's what he wants, you to lose control don't let that happen. You are the one on the high ground, now show them how well you are improved since they were removed from your environment. You must enforce to you team that they are the unstable people and also their anger issues that they should undertake capability checks and how you are worried about the safety of you and your child. He is just trying to power grab don't lose your temper, keep calm and try to get all the things that has been done to you. You are doing great but this will take some time to sort out so rest and plenty of sleep, recharge and make sure you eat well

I don't feel like it will ever end