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Original poster

MIL moved in

883 replies

Hannabee123 · 27/02/2018 18:58

Post natal depression has really kicked me in the nuts. I will clarify before I begin... I have no desire harming my child she is perfect and kept me alive when I went to kill myself.
I'm just so down all the time I'm a mess and feel like a bad parent. I'm under the care of a crisis team and mental health professionals. Here goes..
My daughter is rolling on 9 weeks old. A few weeks ago I tried to kill myself. I had been keeping my mother in law at arms length throughout pregnancy as she kept upsetting me and becoming too overbearing and generally annoying the hell out of me. When I tried to kill myself my mother in law took the opportunity to become the night in shining armour and move into the spare bedroom / baby's future room. She's been living with us for rolling on 4 weeks now.
At first it was great don't get me wrong. Even now I still appreciate some of the help but this is not turning into a negative for me and here's why...
She's started leaving the house a mess, crumbs on the side and plates and stuff about. She will wash bottles but doesn't do alot to help out. Buys the odd bit of shopping but mostly sits cuddling my daughter.
She's been critesising the fact I'm not doing alot to lose weight. Judges what I eat and drink and is 'encouraging' me to lose weight. Slags off the meals I cooked so I've stopped cooking something which I used to enjoy.
She has her foot in the door and slowly takes over with her routines and the way she does things which I don't like. She put a dummy in my daughter's mouth and kept tapping it with her nail!? Kept not giving her medicine for her reflux so she is pukey and uncomfortable because she does not want to medicate her.
She has taken over my daughter at nights and won't give her back. I was happy for the sleep at first but she has my daughter all night long in the spare bedroom and when we tell her to take a night off she refuses.
I feel like I'm under 24 hour surveillance. She is always sitting next to my daughter's Moses basket. MIL went out today and I took my daughter upstairs so she was with me while I put my makeup on and MIL came back and came charging up in to my room looking for her and took her off into her room.
I feel so low. I feel like I'm unable to be a mother. I was happy for the help but now I'm really not. Do I sound ungrateful or unreasonable??
The health visitor had a word with me in private and said she thinks it's fulfilling my mother in laws needs more than mine.
I'm going to talk to my partner tonight bit I have no idea on how to even begin phasing her out of our house she seems too comfortable. It kills me to see my daughter spending more of her life with my MIL than me.
Has anyone had this!? I feel at a loss

OP posts:
catlady45 · 19/03/2018 21:16

I agree - get in contact with solicitor and they will arrange for you belongings to comeback to you someway. Xx

LoveProsecco · 19/03/2018 21:17

Hanna thank you for updating, like many others here I've worried about you both. So glad you are together.

Stay strong & keep fighting, keep logging things you can use as evidence against him

Mix56 · 19/03/2018 22:26

Hopefully your solicitor will advise you, but you can ask the police to accompany you collect your belongings I believe.
Or when he goes to work take a possy of family ?
Wait & see how much your strengthen now you have escaped these people. You may discover your mental health is actually much better now the abusers have lost the initial battle
You do sound extremely determined & strong.
Slowly you will feel stronger, & staying near your family will help you.

bastardkitty · 19/03/2018 22:31

Hope you can just concentrate for now on your own well-being and being with your baby. They are the important things.

BlueEyedBengal · 19/03/2018 22:37

Well said kitty

Srilli · 19/03/2018 22:38

So glad to hear you have your baby back xx

Gottokondo · 19/03/2018 22:59

I'm so happy that you have her back. I've been thinking about you a lot. Keep on fighting, you are strong enough. Your life will get better.

Barmaid101 · 19/03/2018 23:28

Such a fantastic update! You are doing amazingly!

ohtheholidays · 20/03/2018 00:02

Great to hear you have your DD back Hannabee please make sure that you report everything to your solicitor about when you went to get your DD back,tell them about the clothes so tight you had to cut them off,about the baby being ill(from the wrong milk)about him attacking your Father and smashing the cot up and stopping you from having any of the baby's things and about his Sister starting on you all as well.

The more you can tell your solicitor the better picture she can give to the courts and the Police,tell them everything,paint a bad enough picture and fingers crossed they'll keep him and his family away from you all.

KJE2017 · 20/03/2018 07:52

I'm so glad you got your daughter back! She's in safe hands with you!

Justturned50 · 20/03/2018 08:22

Amazing news. You're one strong lady and a wonderful mum. Please don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. You will have more tough times but this as shown you and others around you how strong you are.

blueskyinmarch · 20/03/2018 08:31

Glad to hear you have your DD back in your care.

Please don't move to Scotland on a whim. I am a social worker in Scotland and i can tell you that the places that you would likely to be housed are not places you would want to raise a small child. The nice places are very hard to be housed in. Stay where you have the support from your family. That is what will get you through all this.

Jux · 20/03/2018 12:21

What good news, Hanna.

I think if you keep a diary of everything regarding them and give it to CAFCASS and your solicitor, then a Court will think carefully about contact and whether it should occur at all. Write everything down.

Otherwise, just get used to being with your baby and living your life. Running off to Scotland isn't the best idea at the moment. You do have a network of support where you are and you are 50 miles away from them. Do you know people in Scotland? If there's no one there, then you would be making your life more difficult by going. Wait until you're on your feet a bit more and have had time to digest what has been going on.

Yes, I think counselling would be very helpful to you, if you can do it.

Original poster
Hannabee123 · 20/03/2018 16:18

My heads just telling me to run I'm a wreck I don't know what they are going to do next I'm just scared all the time

OP posts:
bastardkitty · 20/03/2018 16:22

It's instinct to run from danger and fear - but you are a mum now and sometimes you have to calm down, dig in, and take all the help you can get to protect your daughter and yourself. You can't run. You have to tell people how scared you are and why. Hope you can do this.

Aprilmightmemynewname · 20/03/2018 16:36

His hatred for you will go against him in court. My ex didn't get any access as judge deemed his hatred for me a harmful environment for the dc to be in. Don't agree to supervised unless it's court ordered. Tell your friend to report him to the police. Every statement will help your case to keep him away. And don't you dare move. You need your family supporting you - and your dd needs lots of love around her - and you.

Jux · 20/03/2018 18:43

Yes, I think writing everything down is essential; it really will help. Also reporting all reportable actions/speeches on his part. Threats, angry diatribes, the lot. So yes, get your friend to report.

martellandginger · 20/03/2018 19:00

I've been trying to find your post for days. I'm so glad you updated and very glad to know you have your baby back. You sound like you getting control back and you already have your daughters best interest at heart that is obvious. Its clear you love her so so much.

Might be worth writing everything down. Grab some paper and jot down stuff you remember. The cot on the pavement and his family shouting abuse at you can be the first thing you write down. If you have witnesses jot their names down next to what you are writing.

Hope everything works out for you xx

Goldmonday · 20/03/2018 22:21

Once you have gone through the courts and established what he is and is not allowed to do you will feel better.

BlueEyedBengal · 20/03/2018 23:01

Hi Hanna you sound extremely exhausted and what you have been through that is know surprise that for sure you really need to rest and try and learn some relaxation techniques you will need your strength. Try and put them beasts out of your mind and get as much sleep as you can. When baby sleeps get some sleep or just rest you can deal better with the stress of all you have been through if you are not so tired, and try and eat even a like and often you will find thing easier to deal with. Just enjoy that little one keep strong you are a incredible women and you are an incredible mother you have got her back now the worlds yours and you will be able to deal with whatever comes your way. X BearThanks

Withhindsight · 21/03/2018 00:36

Hanna, I keep checking in and here you are, wonderful news that you are safe with baby. Stay with your family, everyone knows where you are and that means he can't try anything. If you disappear there won't be anyone on hand to turn to both physically or emotionally. Advice from others is good, keep solicitor and police involved in everything. Can you record phone calls or any conversations you have with him/ his family? Did the police charge his mother with anything?

Mix56 · 21/03/2018 06:56

Keep all communication by email. That way you have evidence,
Don't talk to any of them, they will only make you scared & unhappy.
Us only written communication, you can choose or not, to read, you can ask your mum to read it first even, then if she says its just threats & poison, you can leave it for the solicitor,
Anyway there is nothing to say to him. He does not have court access.
Ignore them all

billybagpuss · 21/03/2018 07:18

Hi Hannah, just read your returning post again and I'd missed the bit about his ExW the first time. It sounds like if she's willing she could be very useful in supporting your case and showing he has history of abuse and violence and clearly tried the same with you.

Also can we help you feel better and focus on the good that you now have. Tell us of some of the things your DD has done that makes you laugh. You need lots of positivity as well as the fantastic practical advise you have from this thread.

Hoping you have a great day

Loyaultemelie · 21/03/2018 11:13

So glad to hear you have baby back with you. As pps have said just keep everything written down and keep passing it on to your solicitor the more information they have the better.
Although getting far away is instinctive being supported is more important right now Thanks

RazzleDazz1e · 21/03/2018 12:57

Hanna please feel free to direct message me your link if this is allowed? Would love to help.

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