MIL moved in

[Hannabee123]

Post natal depression has really kicked me in the nuts. I will clarify before I begin... I have no desire harming my child she is perfect and kept me alive when I went to kill myself.
I'm just so down all the time I'm a mess and feel like a bad parent. I'm under the care of a crisis team and mental health professionals. Here goes..
My daughter is rolling on 9 weeks old. A few weeks ago I tried to kill myself. I had been keeping my mother in law at arms length throughout pregnancy as she kept upsetting me and becoming too overbearing and generally annoying the hell out of me. When I tried to kill myself my mother in law took the opportunity to become the night in shining armour and move into the spare bedroom / baby's future room. She's been living with us for rolling on 4 weeks now.
At first it was great don't get me wrong. Even now I still appreciate some of the help but this is not turning into a negative for me and here's why...
She's started leaving the house a mess, crumbs on the side and plates and stuff about. She will wash bottles but doesn't do alot to help out. Buys the odd bit of shopping but mostly sits cuddling my daughter.
She's been critesising the fact I'm not doing alot to lose weight. Judges what I eat and drink and is 'encouraging' me to lose weight. Slags off the meals I cooked so I've stopped cooking something which I used to enjoy.
She has her foot in the door and slowly takes over with her routines and the way she does things which I don't like. She put a dummy in my daughter's mouth and kept tapping it with her nail!? Kept not giving her medicine for her reflux so she is pukey and uncomfortable because she does not want to medicate her.
She has taken over my daughter at nights and won't give her back. I was happy for the sleep at first but she has my daughter all night long in the spare bedroom and when we tell her to take a night off she refuses.
I feel like I'm under 24 hour surveillance. She is always sitting next to my daughter's Moses basket. MIL went out today and I took my daughter upstairs so she was with me while I put my makeup on and MIL came back and came charging up in to my room looking for her and took her off into her room.
I feel so low. I feel like I'm unable to be a mother. I was happy for the help but now I'm really not. Do I sound ungrateful or unreasonable??
The health visitor had a word with me in private and said she thinks it's fulfilling my mother in laws needs more than mine.
I'm going to talk to my partner tonight bit I have no idea on how to even begin phasing her out of our house she seems too comfortable. It kills me to see my daughter spending more of her life with my MIL than me.
Has anyone had this!? I feel at a loss

Oh Hanna what a relief. But i can understand your worries from here on. I would love to know how you are doing a few months from now. Keep us posted if you can xxx

So, so glad to read your update. I trust that whoever is treating your PND now realises that these toxic humans were the root-cause of your problems.

Another thing to make sure is clarified by the court is who collects and who drops her off. Where the she must be collected and dropped off from. You don't want him collecting her and then saying you have to go and get her - 50 miles away.

My friend / work mate ended up going back to court 5 or 6 times to sort access out. So it ended up costing her a fortune legal bills all the time the arsehole was getting legal aid. It was everything from the initial access arrangements, to the dividing access over Christmas, getting 2 full weeks during the summer to go on holiday, taking her abroad. My friend didn't drive so him saying it 7.30 LO is waiting wasnt ever going to work for her.

Oh hanna, so great to hear from you ! I'm so glad you have your little girl back. Some great advice been given already so i dont think i have anything new to add. As a pp said, may be worth seeing if ex wife can give supportig evidence to how abusive he can be. Keeps ball.firmly in your court and supervised contact in a contact centre sounds like a good shout.

Please keep in touch if you can though i know you have more important things going on in your life just now. Your doing an amazing job of standing up to your abusive ex, and fighting foe your daughter. She will be so proud of her mamma xxx

Hanna so glad you have your little one with you and you have the support of your parents. You are amazing to still be fighting despite what you have been through. Stay strong, take baby steps and each day will get easier

Hanna, this is BRILLIANT news. So happy for you. Good luck for all that comes next.

Hanna I’m in tears reading your update, I’m so relieved for you. And I’m not going to lie, I’m very relieved that you’ve posted. There are so many people on your side

Right, what can we do to help? What do you need? You’ve got our ongoing support regardless, but is there anything practical that we can do? Xx

I'm hoping I can get supervised visits if I have to allow it. She's better off without them. They were so evil to me like they expected me to leave her with them. They've done too much to harm me

Do you think you might be able to get a non molestation order given their abuse?

I don’t know much about them but I wonder if it might help?

I’ve never been more happy to read an update. I’m so glad you have her back. I’d say contact centre supervised access and would not back down or budge an inch. I don’t think it’s safe for you to supervise. Has your dad made a statement about your ex attacking him? Did you photograph the cot in the street?

That is such fantastic news, well done Hanna please make sure you get plenty of sleep especially with your mum around to help, you need to take the time now so you can heal.

I really hope you can get supervised visitation as I am sure he is a 'flight' risk.

All the best

Oh god, I'm so glad you have your baby back! I saw your thread at the start and then lost it, it popped up again today and I have been reading and feeling sick for you I'm so relieved she's back with you

So glad you are been so strong , make sure that they are never left alone unsupervised due to his anger issues and they took her before. Use every thing that you know to make the court know how dangerous these monsters are. X

I need to do what I can to keep him away from her I'm terrified of them doing anything to harm her. She is innocent in all of this. I'm going to have to try and find out how to recover my stuff from his house I have so much there dryer etc. Which I can't get to. He wouldn't allow it. He didn't even give her any blankets which I bought or bottles or steriliser or anything that I bought. He just sent her out in a thin all in one with the top I had to cut off. I'm going to tell them everything he's disgusting and doesn't at all have her best interests at heart. I feel low some days I cried earlier and told her i'l give her a better life. I wonder if I can get housing in Scotland that's about as far away as I can get from them. It's on my mind to run away. I spend my days worried with everything locked in case they come to attack me and take her again. How could people who were supposed to love me do this?
I think I need some councelling

I've set up a go fund me page so I can get on my feet a little. Don't worry about donating though the support on here has been enough. I think a new life in Scotland may be needed eventually these people aren't going to go away I just know it. They harassed my friend at the shop today she called me

[link to crowdfunding site removed by MNHQ as we don't allow these]

Hanna, don't feel bad for having a cry, its an outlet that you need and yes you definitely need some counselling after everything you've been through, goodness me, anyone would.

Please don't run away as it will give him ammunition when it next comes to court.

Make sure you document absolutely everything, with pictures if you can, the cot in the street, the lack of clothing or blankets in this weather. etc.

Supervised visits would be a good shout. I hope that is what he is awarded.
Does he have any other children who he's been denied or given limited access to?

Please don't move you will need your family around you watch out for you both many eyes can see much more than one pair and you will need to rest and regroup for the time ahead. If you are worried about them coming to get you you must make the police and courts do the job they should have done in the beginning. Ask w a for advice as they have experienced this many times before and can advise you about protection and I think he should not be allowed contact unsupervised outside a contact centre due to what he as behaved like in the past. Make sure you reconnect with your little princess and you will find no one will ever part you again a. A mothers love for their child is eternal and unbeatable by anything else. Please never forget how much you have been through and how incredibly brave you are.

Hanna - a crowd funding link won’t be allowed to stand on here. It will be removed. Please just use MN for emotional support and advice.

I don't think relocation to an area with no family or friends is a good idea either. You are going to need your families support.
Not just now but in 5, 10, 12 years time.

Scotland might sound attractive but it has the same pressures of council / social housing as England. You might end up with a flat somewhere but in a crummy area with all the issues of crummy areas.

If I was to advice you on finances you will need to make a appointment with c a b you should be entitled to benifits and legal aid as a person coming out of an abusive relationship the sooner you apply the better. My eldest works in the social housing sector so if you would like I could ask how and where you can look? Housing should be a iced on at a later date when things are heading the right direction.

I know you have so much to sort out it will be alright in the end.

So pleased to hear from you!!!! Huge sigh of relief you have her back, you are doing amazing!

Can the police help me get my stuff back? I've emailed my solicitor to see if she can help