MIL moved in

[Hannabee123]

Post natal depression has really kicked me in the nuts. I will clarify before I begin... I have no desire harming my child she is perfect and kept me alive when I went to kill myself.
I'm just so down all the time I'm a mess and feel like a bad parent. I'm under the care of a crisis team and mental health professionals. Here goes..
My daughter is rolling on 9 weeks old. A few weeks ago I tried to kill myself. I had been keeping my mother in law at arms length throughout pregnancy as she kept upsetting me and becoming too overbearing and generally annoying the hell out of me. When I tried to kill myself my mother in law took the opportunity to become the night in shining armour and move into the spare bedroom / baby's future room. She's been living with us for rolling on 4 weeks now.
At first it was great don't get me wrong. Even now I still appreciate some of the help but this is not turning into a negative for me and here's why...
She's started leaving the house a mess, crumbs on the side and plates and stuff about. She will wash bottles but doesn't do alot to help out. Buys the odd bit of shopping but mostly sits cuddling my daughter.
She's been critesising the fact I'm not doing alot to lose weight. Judges what I eat and drink and is 'encouraging' me to lose weight. Slags off the meals I cooked so I've stopped cooking something which I used to enjoy.
She has her foot in the door and slowly takes over with her routines and the way she does things which I don't like. She put a dummy in my daughter's mouth and kept tapping it with her nail!? Kept not giving her medicine for her reflux so she is pukey and uncomfortable because she does not want to medicate her.
She has taken over my daughter at nights and won't give her back. I was happy for the sleep at first but she has my daughter all night long in the spare bedroom and when we tell her to take a night off she refuses.
I feel like I'm under 24 hour surveillance. She is always sitting next to my daughter's Moses basket. MIL went out today and I took my daughter upstairs so she was with me while I put my makeup on and MIL came back and came charging up in to my room looking for her and took her off into her room.
I feel so low. I feel like I'm unable to be a mother. I was happy for the help but now I'm really not. Do I sound ungrateful or unreasonable??
The health visitor had a word with me in private and said she thinks it's fulfilling my mother in laws needs more than mine.
I'm going to talk to my partner tonight bit I have no idea on how to even begin phasing her out of our house she seems too comfortable. It kills me to see my daughter spending more of her life with my MIL than me.
Has anyone had this!? I feel at a loss

Bengal that's true.

Hanna you have been in my thoughts constantly. I'm hoping that you are enjoying sweet baby hugs. Wishing you all the happiness in the world. xx

That was the same message i got avoidingdm

Hanna i hope your alright and taking a break to get better and spend time with your baby girl

Do you think this would be a case of a good time to use crowd funding? What's that site called where people raise money for causes that are in need? Is it even called crowd funding. I mean if @Hanna needed cash to set up house once she gets out of the unit if she is in the unit or wanted to leave her current house to find a safe house with her child. Or even if people wanted to donate furniture or household items or children's toys or clothing whatever they think she and her child might need. Not because I think Hanna deserves to be pitied like patronising or for people to look condensendingly at her but isn't crowd funding for such causes? Maybe knowing so many people in this world care might be enough to help Hanna pull through the darkest thoughts in her mind whilst in the mental unit if she is there or to help her believe she truly deserves such happiness and Love. Then again if she didn't want 'charity which it wouldn't be then fair enough. I don't even know if anyone thinks that's a idea that's worth thinking about?

It’s a lovely idea Kittycuddles but possibly a bit premature until we hear from Hanna.

It’s also a bit risky to set up funding and leaves MN open to abuse. MN is already a target for people begging in various ways.

I think our best bet at the moment is to just keep letting Hanna know that we are all thinking of her.

I think we have to wait until we hear from her. I was thinking the legal fees might be something that she needs help with but I'd hope she is entitled to Legal Aid.

Hanna hoping knowing everybody is on your side and thinking about you helps. xx

Lovely thought kitty cuddles (great name) but like the other ladies have said the best thing we can do for Hanna at the moment is offer kind and encouraging words and hope. Like every one I so hope to hear of her wellbeing and I must admit I have a lot of worry for Hanna at the moment. I have only been a member for a short time. Hanna if you can read this I hope you are well and you are where you want to be in your life, hope to hear from you soon sending hugs and strength

Okai maybe it was a silly idea Sorry! I was thinking of if she was moving around it might be a nice idea to get some cash. I saw an article the other day about a woman on here who's husband needed a heart transplant and people were rooting for them and stayed up online to know what had happened and a lot of money got raised. Sorry I jumped to conclusions I just thought if Mumsnet could do such good things maybe this was a one of them times. And thanks Blue

It was a lovely idea but we need Hanna to come back and say what help she needs / wants.

At the moment I'm worried the court went against her sending her in to the deepest despair. If things were good I'm sure she would have come back.

Hi everyone

I have her back. The judge granted her to be put in my immediate care last week. We had a battle over visitation he wanted 3 days a week and a full day Wednesday probably to take her back to his mother. I said no to all day as I'm terrified of losing her again.
When we went to his house to pick her up after court and as agreed, he had threw the cot on the pavement outside and him and his sister started calling me and my family scum. He then went to attack my dad. I've spoke to my solicitor and he's not allowed to visit until the next hearing / arrangements. I'm living with my parents and honestly just feel broken but in a much better place.
Cafcass are doing a telephone interview I'm worried he's going to make up loads of lies about me being mental.
I'm worried sick about what will be done about visitation I am terrified of them and the family and what they will do. They put a top on her that said daddy's little princess and it was that tight I had to cut it off with scissors. I can't imagine what they will do to her to get back at me. I'm happy to be over 50 miles away from them but I just feel sick knowing they have involvement in her life. I just feel so scared.
It's great having her back. She looked ill when I finally got her after 2 weeks of not seeing her. I had her on HIIP Organic because she didn't do well on any others. She was badly constipated took a few days I think they changed her milk. She's settled now and is more regular and happy with her tummy after being back on it a few days.

I feel so overwhelmed with trying to rebuild my life. I've been changing all my addresses rediverting my post. I also contacted my ex partners ex wife of 9 years. She was abused too he tried to smother her and kicked her down the stairs. 4 years being away from him and she's in a refuge.

I can't help but feel I got out at a good time. My parents beat themselves up because they said if I would of stayed they would be burying me.

I still have loads to do there's going to be another court hearing I don't know when. I just don't want them in our lives he doesn't care about his child his mom just wants her for herself

So happy for you.
We are all still here to support you, I have battled with an ex for my dc and it's tough, but you will win when you are right.
Stay strong.

Mn is behind you all the way.

Oh Hanna, I'm so so happy for you that you have your baby girl back. I've been following this thread and can't believe what they've out you through. My heart goes out to you.

At least your baby is back with you and she's back to normal with her milk etc. Enjoy making up for lost time with her

Fantastic to hear that you and your little girl are reunited sending you strength for the battle ahead

So good to hear from you! And so happy you have your baby back.

I think you will have a battle but thank God you are away from them and with your parents.

Oh Hanna, that's wonderful news you've got her back!

As far as visitation goes, I'd say he's blown it by attacking your dad and throwing the cot on the pavement. He's shown himself to be violent and you need to tell the court asap what he did. Hopefully his ex will provide you with additional evidence. Keep a record of everything - messages he sends, anything from his family - and also make a note of your DD being poorly when she was returned to your care.

Stay strong, you're doing brilliantly!

TFFT Hanna - so pleased to read your update xx

Was he charged for what he did to his ex? Can you not push for 2 hours in a contact centre since they abducted her? So happy you are out and have your baby.

The best news ever keep her as close as you can and us whatever you find out about his past behaviour and keep a log of how he behaves now and in the future if he phones record any abuse. I am so relieved for you sending lots of strength to you and your family. X

Great news, I hope all goes well in the future.

So pleased she is back with you. Surely he should only have contact through a centre or something. Especially if he is violent at times and controlling. Hopefully if he isn't too bothered about her and it's more his mother he get loose interest if the court process goes on for a while. Not sure how it will all work but hope he doesn't get contact each week on his own.
I am sure there is others on here that will be able to give you some good advise.
I am sure he will mess it up if he hasn't already with what they have done.

Report him every time he steps out of line so it's on record, it will soon add up and the court will take it into account.

That’s great you have her back, I’ve been worried for you. You’re doing so well.

Fantastic news op.

Every time your ex kicks off, call the police. Keep all records of abusive contact and all texts etc. You need to build a case up against him.

Make sure you ref to CAFCASS the fact that his ex had to escape to a refuge. Were the police involved then? It would be helpful if so.

If there is any contact at all it should be at a contact centre. And him alone, not his mother.

Best of luck to you. I'm so pleased you have her back though. You are far stronger than you think x

So glad you have her back, Hanna.

So pleased you have her back, enjoy being a mum.

As PP have said it won't do him any favours but attacking your dad. Well done for contacting his ex also.

Hannabee
you are an amazing woman and you have shown him and his family that you are strong and no longer isolated.

Be proud and if the going gets tough in the future remember the worst is over. It won’t be easy but you can do this.
Keep in touch with Women’s Aid they will have seen all of this before and know more than any of the state agencies how manipulative these men can be.

Wishing you all the very best

Oh Hanna it's bloody good to hear from you. I and many others have been so so worried about you.

I'm glad you have her back and are at your parents with their support. Do lots of skin to skin cuddles with her will make you both feel good and will help to re-establish your bond.
As other people have said make sure you call the police if he ever threatens you or your family. That is a criminal offence which he can be charged with, all charges against him will help your case.
You will rebuild your life, but Rome wasn't built in a day, and you have been put through far more than most people.

Things to think about (I sincerely hope your lawyer is on the ball) 3 days per week is too much and highly intrusive into your life.
Wednesday's check out what day Christmas and he birthday falls on over the next 12 years.

I know somebody with an arse for an ex, he got awarded every other weekend and one night midweek. However he wouldn't come and go over Christmas or the kids birthday most Christmases and birthdays were due to fall on his days. So she ended up going back to court over it.

Good luck lots of well wishers on here for you.