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Original poster

MIL moved in

883 replies

Hannabee123 · 27/02/2018 18:58

Post natal depression has really kicked me in the nuts. I will clarify before I begin... I have no desire harming my child she is perfect and kept me alive when I went to kill myself.
I'm just so down all the time I'm a mess and feel like a bad parent. I'm under the care of a crisis team and mental health professionals. Here goes..
My daughter is rolling on 9 weeks old. A few weeks ago I tried to kill myself. I had been keeping my mother in law at arms length throughout pregnancy as she kept upsetting me and becoming too overbearing and generally annoying the hell out of me. When I tried to kill myself my mother in law took the opportunity to become the night in shining armour and move into the spare bedroom / baby's future room. She's been living with us for rolling on 4 weeks now.
At first it was great don't get me wrong. Even now I still appreciate some of the help but this is not turning into a negative for me and here's why...
She's started leaving the house a mess, crumbs on the side and plates and stuff about. She will wash bottles but doesn't do alot to help out. Buys the odd bit of shopping but mostly sits cuddling my daughter.
She's been critesising the fact I'm not doing alot to lose weight. Judges what I eat and drink and is 'encouraging' me to lose weight. Slags off the meals I cooked so I've stopped cooking something which I used to enjoy.
She has her foot in the door and slowly takes over with her routines and the way she does things which I don't like. She put a dummy in my daughter's mouth and kept tapping it with her nail!? Kept not giving her medicine for her reflux so she is pukey and uncomfortable because she does not want to medicate her.
She has taken over my daughter at nights and won't give her back. I was happy for the sleep at first but she has my daughter all night long in the spare bedroom and when we tell her to take a night off she refuses.
I feel like I'm under 24 hour surveillance. She is always sitting next to my daughter's Moses basket. MIL went out today and I took my daughter upstairs so she was with me while I put my makeup on and MIL came back and came charging up in to my room looking for her and took her off into her room.
I feel so low. I feel like I'm unable to be a mother. I was happy for the help but now I'm really not. Do I sound ungrateful or unreasonable??
The health visitor had a word with me in private and said she thinks it's fulfilling my mother in laws needs more than mine.
I'm going to talk to my partner tonight bit I have no idea on how to even begin phasing her out of our house she seems too comfortable. It kills me to see my daughter spending more of her life with my MIL than me.
Has anyone had this!? I feel at a loss

OP posts:
Withhindsight · 04/03/2018 22:22

Hanna hold tight, you are doing so well under all this pressure. I too wonder if most of your PND diagnosis is due to your partner and his mother. Yes, yes to solicitors and keep SS on side. The mother and baby unit will be like a tailor made holiday if you can both get there. It is all about supporting you and baby and for you to build up your relationship without other things getting in your way. Try and get some sleep- almost impossible at the moment I know, sending you strength

Justturned50 · 04/03/2018 22:47

You've come so far already. Take this time to focus your energy on being strong for your baby. Everything is pointing at you being the best person to look after her.

FrozenMargarita17 · 04/03/2018 22:57

Sending you all the strength in the world OP. You are remarkable xx

Jux · 04/03/2018 23:15

Justturned50 is so right. You've come so far already, and I suspect a large part of that comes from spending time with supportive people, as well as from NOT spending time with your h or MIL.

Once you've got your baby too, there'll be no stopping you - you'll take on the world!

Original poster
Hannabee123 · 04/03/2018 23:51

I don't know if he will bring the baby to the unit or willingly give her up I just need to take tomorrow with how it comes

OP posts:
catlady45 · 04/03/2018 23:52

Has ss given you any indication on what they are going to do or can do, a plan of action so to speak x

AvoidingDM · 05/03/2018 00:06

I'm thinking he's going to be a dickhead and not bring her. This is going to be a court fight. If I was you I'd be trying to line up a suitable solicitor first thing in the morning, women's aid should be able to recommend somebody.

I hope I'm wrong and he sees sense that if he doesn't bring her it will put his future rights to access in jeopardy.

Does he and his mother work? Their is a potential that lack of childcare might make them hand her over.

I don't know how your coping with this. But stay strong and you will get her back.

Original poster
Hannabee123 · 05/03/2018 02:42

His mother's retired but apparently he's taking time off work. He isn't looking after her anyway his mother is he's probably drinking.
Reading through all my old posts it hit me like a brick that I'm being abused and have been for a long time.
I don't know what's going to happen now my parents are on to good solicitors I feel so sad

OP posts:
bastardkitty · 05/03/2018 02:50

I hope you can get some rest Hanna as today is likely to be a big day and you need to muster all the calmness and determination you have. You can get through this.

Original poster
Hannabee123 · 05/03/2018 03:33

I don't know how long I can carry on for not seeing her beautiful little face and the way she moves her little arms around when she's happy and the content little sleepy face she has

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 05/03/2018 04:39

Be brave, Hanna, your baby needs you.

catlady45 · 05/03/2018 04:45

Keep strong hanna xxx

notanurse2017 · 05/03/2018 05:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsDrSpencerReid · 05/03/2018 06:02

I hope you get your precious DD back today x

Afreshcuppateaplease · 05/03/2018 06:19

Praying you get to be with your dd today op Flowers

Stuffofawesome · 05/03/2018 06:31

thinking of you. you can overcome this. use your anger to propel you forward.

OutComeTheWolves · 05/03/2018 06:39

I'll be thinking of you today. I really hope this is the day you get your dd back Hanna.

Qcumber · 05/03/2018 06:59

Good luck today. Keep pushing. What evil people.
I'll just say I had PND and I didn't get help for over 5 months. I wasn't myself. And I didn't bond with my baby at all until she was around 6 months.
Now she's 20 months and we have the most amazing bond. I spend all day cuddling and playing with her and she loves me so much. She doesn't remember that time at all. And neither will your daughter. Soon all this will be a memory and you'll have your lovely baby with you where she should be you're so strong, keep going x

Panickypete · 05/03/2018 07:01

Hanna I pray (and I’m not even religious) that you get her back today. All our thoughts are with you. Stay strong.

Justturned50 · 05/03/2018 07:27

Stay strong Hanna. You can do this 💛💚

AvoidingDM · 05/03/2018 07:49

Hanna use your posts to remind you of everything that's gone on for your solicitor, copy and paste them into a word document with the dates and links to each thread if you can. Even think back to the beginning of the relationship. Were you together very long when he purswaded you to move in then isolated you from your family?
Regardless of what SW sort your going to end up in court to sort out access arrangements eventually you might as well start working on building your case.

I'm praying that the SW manage to get your daughter back today and you both get to the unit. Everybody is behind you. Good luck.
.

AvoidingDM · 05/03/2018 09:15

Your baby will be back in your arms soon. And you'll be the best mum to your baby ever.
Chin up you'll get there.

ohfourfoxache · 05/03/2018 09:17

Hanna stay strong.

This is the point that the truth comes out.

Tell everyone EVERYTHING. Start with your parents so that they can support you property. Then be open and honest with every single professional and agency you meet.

Good luck, we’re all rooting for you xx

Withhindsight · 05/03/2018 09:31

Hanna, one step at a time, if he refuses to hand her over, I suspect he'll be forced. Stay strong for baby and the moment she is back in your arms

BlubberBlubber · 05/03/2018 10:00

Having everything crossed for you today. You can use all your MN posts as evidence of the way you have been treated with your solicitor, they can print them out and they are time and dated like an online diary of all the things you have asked for help with in an abusive relationship