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Original poster

MIL moved in

883 replies

Hannabee123 · 27/02/2018 18:58

Post natal depression has really kicked me in the nuts. I will clarify before I begin... I have no desire harming my child she is perfect and kept me alive when I went to kill myself.
I'm just so down all the time I'm a mess and feel like a bad parent. I'm under the care of a crisis team and mental health professionals. Here goes..
My daughter is rolling on 9 weeks old. A few weeks ago I tried to kill myself. I had been keeping my mother in law at arms length throughout pregnancy as she kept upsetting me and becoming too overbearing and generally annoying the hell out of me. When I tried to kill myself my mother in law took the opportunity to become the night in shining armour and move into the spare bedroom / baby's future room. She's been living with us for rolling on 4 weeks now.
At first it was great don't get me wrong. Even now I still appreciate some of the help but this is not turning into a negative for me and here's why...
She's started leaving the house a mess, crumbs on the side and plates and stuff about. She will wash bottles but doesn't do alot to help out. Buys the odd bit of shopping but mostly sits cuddling my daughter.
She's been critesising the fact I'm not doing alot to lose weight. Judges what I eat and drink and is 'encouraging' me to lose weight. Slags off the meals I cooked so I've stopped cooking something which I used to enjoy.
She has her foot in the door and slowly takes over with her routines and the way she does things which I don't like. She put a dummy in my daughter's mouth and kept tapping it with her nail!? Kept not giving her medicine for her reflux so she is pukey and uncomfortable because she does not want to medicate her.
She has taken over my daughter at nights and won't give her back. I was happy for the sleep at first but she has my daughter all night long in the spare bedroom and when we tell her to take a night off she refuses.
I feel like I'm under 24 hour surveillance. She is always sitting next to my daughter's Moses basket. MIL went out today and I took my daughter upstairs so she was with me while I put my makeup on and MIL came back and came charging up in to my room looking for her and took her off into her room.
I feel so low. I feel like I'm unable to be a mother. I was happy for the help but now I'm really not. Do I sound ungrateful or unreasonable??
The health visitor had a word with me in private and said she thinks it's fulfilling my mother in laws needs more than mine.
I'm going to talk to my partner tonight bit I have no idea on how to even begin phasing her out of our house she seems too comfortable. It kills me to see my daughter spending more of her life with my MIL than me.
Has anyone had this!? I feel at a loss

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 04/03/2018 01:48

Darling it’s better for your dd to be from a broken family than living in a broken family. I promise, you can do this. You’re stronger than you think you are

Sunrise888 · 04/03/2018 01:52

I've been thinking of you all day Hanna. Sending you our best wishes and hope to hear from you here when you have your baby back tomorrow.

oppsthereshegoes · 04/03/2018 01:55

You're doing so so well. I'm thinking of you and hoping things get easier for you.

I agree with others that it seems as if they caused your depression.

Just think, you'll be happy sometime very soon. I promise. I've been where you are under daily care of a crisis team and it doesn't last long. It seems lovely by when you're in it but you're strong.

SunshineAfterRain · 04/03/2018 01:57

It will be okay. Just believe it.
Once you get your little one back you can work on getting emotionally stronger.
You CAN do this as you have your little one as your reason to get better.
I got over sever PND and you can too. You and baby will an fine. Worry about nothing else. Flowers

MrsDrSpencerReid · 04/03/2018 03:10

You can do this Hanna Flowers

It’s all going to get better just as soon as you have Bub safe in the unit, then it’s onwards and upwards for you both Flowers

Make sure you show SS this thread and your previous threads so they can see the emotional abuse you’ve endured from DH and MIL.

Everything will be ok Flowers

tralaaa · 04/03/2018 03:55

Hannah I am very proud of you for feeling so fierce about your baby. You soon will be in the unit and on the mend you will get lots of help and support with your new future too. Your braver and stronger than you think. I had PND when my second and third was born you will get better with the right heip good luck x

oppsthereshegoes · 04/03/2018 04:31

It seems a long time. F my phone. Angry

Afreshcuppateaplease · 04/03/2018 04:35

Hope you got some sleep op Flowers

Worlds0kayestmum · 04/03/2018 05:01

I don't have advice but I think you are being very brave and strong. Sending you more strength for the day ahead, you can do this

DartmoorDoughnut · 04/03/2018 06:28

Hanna you sound amazingly strong and your baby is very lucky to have you fighting to get better and make life good for her. I hope to read later on today that you’re reunited with her and safely away from these controlling people Flowers

JediStoleMyBike · 04/03/2018 06:38

So sorry you are going through this Flowers

Coyoacan · 04/03/2018 07:43

And you are going to make loads of mistakes with your baby, just like all the rest of us did, it's a learning experience. Your MIL set out to undermine you as a parent, but don't worry, you are brilliant and you will be a brilliant mum.

OliviaBenson · 04/03/2018 07:46

Good luck today op.

When things are settled it might be worth asking about legal advice in respect of stopping access, particularly by your MIL.

squadronleader87 · 04/03/2018 07:55

I’ve been following this thread and several times have wanted to climb through the screen to give you a hug. I have no advice but just want to send my best thoughts and wishes. You are an incredibly brave woman.

Beetlebum1981 · 04/03/2018 08:00

I've been reading your thread and it's my worst nightmare. I can't believe your partner and MIL would remove a 9 week old baby from her mother. I'm so pleased that SS are involved now and have said that she must stay with you, as others have said he won't just be able to take her from you at the unit. I know it's not ideal but going into a unit will allow you the chance to get the help you need and more importantly be supported to be the mother you want to be. Good luck Thanks

AvoidingDM · 04/03/2018 08:04

Hanna you have come a long way in the last 36 hours. You've done well to get everything packed up. Once you get to the unit with baby safely in your arms your mood will lift immediately.
I don't know much about the units but one thing is sure you will be handled by professionals who want to support you and help you bond with LO.

You'll be free of the massive dark (MIL shaped) cloud that's been hanging over you for months. I've been reading through your threads she has done nothing to support you. You mentioned 'irrational fears that she would abduct your baby' were a huge part of your PND well there was nothing irrational about those deep seated gut wrenching fears because that's exactly what she did!!

She's completely taken advantage of your young age spineless partner and the fact your family are 2 hours away. I know you might not think you're that young but I'm nearly double your age with a LO about a year older than yours. Your MIL has completely undermined you, destroyed your confidence in every way she could. In no way has she supported you to deal with the transition into motherhood because she never saw you as the mother she always had her own toxic agenda.

I agree that visits from ex & exmil should be supervised. And I hope the unit is able to facilitate that.

You've battled on so many fronts from the very beginning, MIL taking over, lodgers treating you like a servant and holding down a responsible job with an unsupportive employer.

You have a bright future ahead of you and your sweet little daughter. You've lots of people rooting for you your family & friends, the HVs and crisis team, and a bundle of strangers online. Good luck.

AshOutside · 04/03/2018 08:25

Hannah, you sound so strong. It will be hard work but you will look back in time and it will be the best decision you made. My sister went through a similar situation and has come back locally after 5 years moving around refuges in hiding and is so much stronger and happier than when she left.
This is for your daughter and when she is old enough to understand she will thank you for it Thanksstay strong

Original poster
Hannabee123 · 04/03/2018 09:36

Thank you everyone it's making me feel better coming on here

I'm scared I'm not going tonsee her again. The crisis team reasurred me they will chase the unit for a time today. The lady on the phone said they don't like separating mum and baby but that's exactly what s happened and no one seems to be sorting. I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach and constantly sick. I keep repeating to myself I can't believe to only way to get my daughter is to go to this unit.
My dad isn't a very emotional person but he was upset seeing me like that. He asked what they had done to me because every part of me has changed since they last saw me over a month ago. He said I'm just a shell of what I was. But I became stronger with my parents around. I'm becoming stronger with my friend around (we ate a kebab and I didn't feel at all bad or judged it was amazing)
I can never go back with my partner. He drinks alot is unsupportibe and lives viewing distance of his mom's house. She can see in our windows and garden. I don't feel safe there. I have no support no family and 1 friend who lives 50 mins away. Plus I can't forgive how much of s massive dick he has been.
I feel nothing for him but hatred it's scary how intense you can feel when it comes to your child. I so want her back away from those vile disgusting people. My partner won't even be looking after her because he can't cope it will be his mum. My blood boils

I want supervised visits in the unit or quite frankly if he can be supervised to hold my daughter and I don't have to see him that would be even better. He is deranged if he thinks there is any coming back from this. I just need to look at what I can do as I don't want her taken off me again

I really just want to have her back and know that she is safe away from those disgusting people. I will make it my life goal to ensure his mom will never see my child for the rest of her life.

OP posts:
bastardkitty · 04/03/2018 09:41

If there is no progress with seeing your daughter today and you are starting to feel stronger now you are away from those toxic bastards, I would see a solicitor in the morning for an emergency court hearing to have her returned to you. So glad you have posted and you sound amazing.

Fishface77 · 04/03/2018 09:48

One day at a time hanna.
The priority is you and your baby.
I wonder if you’ll find massive improvements in your mental health away from these shits.

Take your time and make no rash decisions but I think going back to your family after the mother and baby unit will be the best thing for you. Flowers

Justturned50 · 04/03/2018 09:48

You are so strong Hanna. Keep fighting for your little girl. You now know you can do this. The good thing is that she won't remember any of this. Let us all know when you are together again.

Your friend sounds amazing and the kebab wonderful!

AvoidingDM · 04/03/2018 10:01

Regardless of what you have said or felt these people have shown themselves up to everyone, you, your parents, friends and the professionals.

Don't see the unit as a bad place or thing. It's somewhere safe for you to recover from this traumatic time. You'll be able to concentrate on the baby without the stress of running a house or fighting with Mil.

I'd agree with Kitty if no progress today engage solicitor tomorrow. The other poster who's been through similar gives hope the courts will sort it quickly if it comes to that.

BlubberBlubber · 04/03/2018 10:29

You are doing so well and nearly there. The people at the unitnwill listen to how they have separated you from your baby and refused you to look after her and not slllwed you to eat. They will help you bond and get better

poopsqueak · 04/03/2018 10:45

You have done SO well already. I can hear from your last few posts you sound stronger already. You will get your baby back. X

catlady45 · 04/03/2018 11:08

We're all rooting for you hannabee123 ! You can do this. I too have seen some of your previous posts. Yesterday i was thinking what a difference there was in the way that you were writing, it is evident what they have done and how much they have been a drain on you. From your last entry i see so much of a difference, and the strenghth you have is shining through. Im sorry your having to have this battle but keep going . You are strong and you should be so proud of yourself for standing up to them xxx