MIL moved in

[Hannabee123]

Post natal depression has really kicked me in the nuts. I will clarify before I begin... I have no desire harming my child she is perfect and kept me alive when I went to kill myself.
I'm just so down all the time I'm a mess and feel like a bad parent. I'm under the care of a crisis team and mental health professionals. Here goes..
My daughter is rolling on 9 weeks old. A few weeks ago I tried to kill myself. I had been keeping my mother in law at arms length throughout pregnancy as she kept upsetting me and becoming too overbearing and generally annoying the hell out of me. When I tried to kill myself my mother in law took the opportunity to become the night in shining armour and move into the spare bedroom / baby's future room. She's been living with us for rolling on 4 weeks now.
At first it was great don't get me wrong. Even now I still appreciate some of the help but this is not turning into a negative for me and here's why...
She's started leaving the house a mess, crumbs on the side and plates and stuff about. She will wash bottles but doesn't do alot to help out. Buys the odd bit of shopping but mostly sits cuddling my daughter.
She's been critesising the fact I'm not doing alot to lose weight. Judges what I eat and drink and is 'encouraging' me to lose weight. Slags off the meals I cooked so I've stopped cooking something which I used to enjoy.
She has her foot in the door and slowly takes over with her routines and the way she does things which I don't like. She put a dummy in my daughter's mouth and kept tapping it with her nail!? Kept not giving her medicine for her reflux so she is pukey and uncomfortable because she does not want to medicate her.
She has taken over my daughter at nights and won't give her back. I was happy for the sleep at first but she has my daughter all night long in the spare bedroom and when we tell her to take a night off she refuses.
I feel like I'm under 24 hour surveillance. She is always sitting next to my daughter's Moses basket. MIL went out today and I took my daughter upstairs so she was with me while I put my makeup on and MIL came back and came charging up in to my room looking for her and took her off into her room.
I feel so low. I feel like I'm unable to be a mother. I was happy for the help but now I'm really not. Do I sound ungrateful or unreasonable??
The health visitor had a word with me in private and said she thinks it's fulfilling my mother in laws needs more than mine.
I'm going to talk to my partner tonight bit I have no idea on how to even begin phasing her out of our house she seems too comfortable. It kills me to see my daughter spending more of her life with my MIL than me.
Has anyone had this!? I feel at a loss

Hanna you can do this. So sorry you are going through this but you and your child will be better without these toxic people. You can do it xxx

Hanna
This is the first step towards a new life with baby.
You don't need him or his toxic mum
You are strong you will do this

Ive been thinking about you all day Hanna, i'm so sorry you are.going through this but you are strong and you have the support of your family and friends - you are not alone 💜

Thats great you have a place in a mother and baby unit, you and your baby will be able.to.spend.the quality time needed together without negative interferences from mil. Dont worry about money/where you wil stay further down the line. Things will work themselves out and once you are better, you will be able think and come up with a plan with a clear head.

Who had said for your partner to take your lg to the unit ? Social services? Have they said what would happen of he doesn't do this ? Xxx

Just talking to my partner and hes asked if your lg has a passport ? If not he says maybe an idea to get her one ?
I dont want to frighten you, i know others have advised to keep important documents hidden. If you have a passport then your partner cant also apply for one. You could also let the passport office know of the difficult circumstances incase he then reports it lost in order to get another issued.

Only saying due to the polish connection. This may not be a priority just now, as you are going to baby unit, but possibly something to think about when you are feeling better xxx

You can do this. What they have done to you is nothing short of evil.

I'm sure you will get lots of help and support at the unit. You will be entitled to financial help and your husband will have to pay towards his child as well.

I'm so sorry that you were put through this at the time when you needed support the most.

You can and will get through this.

Hanna you can follow this, and if your parents are happy for you to stay with them then stay for as long as you can x

Hanna you've put the wheels in motion and you've already found the strength to fight back and start taking control. You are strong and you are a good mother. Your actions have shown that even if your pnd is stopping you from believing it.
Tonight without your baby may very well be awful, but I'm willing to bet it'll be the lowest point and once you're reunited things will start getting better. You're going to be free of your mil, able to pick up your daughter whenever you want, you'll be getting the help you need as opposed to 'help' which makes you feel like shit. However hard things are in the future, financially etc, I think you'll compare it to this point now and know you've got the strength to face it.

Hanna I'm fingers crossed that he won't be daft enough to jeopardise his future access by not bringing baby to the unit.

This is a whole new beginning for you and LO. You will get your time to bond cuddle and hold your baby without interfering MIL.

Previous poster does have a point about getting her a passport. I too worry that they will try to take her to Poland.

Don't worry about housing and stuff over the next few days. Just enjoy your time together.

Good luck.

I agree you need to stay strong and calm and show them you are not mental like they are trying to make out. You sound really strong.
Don't think about being a single mum too much yet just concentrate on getting your daughter then can sort a house etc. You should get advise from hv etc.

Finger crossed you get her back early tomorrow and can settle at the unit.

Once you are in the unit he won't be able to take the baby out; visit her yes but not take her away

OP I am so so sorry this sounds like a absolutely shitty situation to be in. I can't believe your MIL what a cow bag. I can't believe she had YOUR baby sleep in the same room as her! She's acting like YOUR child's mother, your the mother not her! I would be so so so angry in this situation. It would make me feel sick to the pit of my stomach if my baby preferred somebody else over me, obviously this is not your baby's fault it's the MIL's. Your partner is turning out to be a right dick aswell, turning his back on you and ringing the crisis team? What a cunt! Your better off being a single parent, I know it's not what you wanted but in the long run, you will not have to see the MIL ever again. You'll be happier in the long run when everything is sorted out and you get your precious baby back. I really hope everything turns out good for you, this threat has broke my heart. I can't imagine what your going through. I'm praying for you

Im so glad ss are involved and want baby with you.

Once yous are in the unit they will have workers who will be able to help talk you threw what your entitled to.

I know you probably do not feel strong but from everything you have said you are doing amazinly well and are stronger than you think. You are a good mother and will manage to be a good single mother.

Hanna I really feel for you, just try and think about tomorrow, you'll be in the unit with your baby and they will help you. In time see if you can get your threads on here saved somewhere as evidence of what you have been through and MIL and Dhs behaviour. Being a single parent free of MIL and DH is going to be an absoloute breeze compared to the suffocation around you at present. You won't have to make th decisions yourself, SS will help, I'm your family and friends will too and there's always MN as a sounding board for chatting to for opinions.

I'm so glad social services are involved and have said your baby should be with you.

Can you phone your hv and leave a message telling her that a crisis is in progress and that you are very worried about the welfare of your baby, and that you are scar3d your dh and mil will not return her. Just say that on the message, it's the most important stuff and you can fill in the details when she contacts you - not until Monday, probably, but it's never too late.

I suspect that once mil is kept away from you, you will feel a lot better just for that.

For now, take deep breaths. I mean that literally! In through your nose counting to 3 and out through your mouth counting to five. Do that at least 5 times. Whenever you feel panic/anxiety, concentrate on your breathing and do the deep breathing 5 or more times. It may not make you feel obviously calmer but it's very surprising how effective it is despite that.

Good luck tomorrow. Try not to kick off, no matter what they do. You are working towards showing ss and hv that you are OK. Will someone be with you? Your parents, or your friend? If you have someone there, it may be easier to let them deal directly with your dh, in your presence of course.

I shall be thinking of you in the morning, Hanna.

Do let us know, no matter what happens. We are all rooting for you. Remember, there are a lot of women here who believe in you, who will support you, and advise you, but above all be here for you no matter what.

Hanna love, how much you've achieved already! You've involved the right people, you've gathered support and you are going to have your baby back. You and baby are going to be supported and your relationship will be as good as any mother and child. She won't remember any of this, and you'll be grand.

Hanna you sound so brave and with help from the crisis team, your parents and your friend you have support.

Please use us too, lots of people here caring about you and your DD

Oh sweetheart I am sending you lots of love and wishing you strength to get through this time x

I am so glad that ss are doing the right thing by you. You'll be a great mother for that dd of yours. And I wouldn't be surprised if that toxic family were not the reason for you PND. Get well soon!

How are you doing op?

My DS was in hospital for the first few weeks of his life and it was emotionally very tough being separated. I know it's not the same and you are dealing with so much. If you are anywhere near me (apologies if I've missed your approximate location on the thread) I might be able to pass on a few bits and bobs when you get to the stage of finding your own place. PM me if that is useful.

I'm going to a unit in derby and i'l be moving back Birmingham way to be with my family when I'm finally out. I'm just trying to stay calm.
Mg parents will be with me to take me there tomorrow. I've already removed all mine and baby's items from his house including the birth certificates
I hate him I hate his mother I feel betrayed and so very hurt. I'm sad because I never wanted a broken family when I dreamed of have a child. I'm worried about going it alone and the possibility of her being taken off me again by these people.
I'm soon to be reunited with her. I don't want him visiting the unit but I know i'l have to. I will see if I can request supervision.
I'm going to have to get new workers and everything based around my family's home so I'm not sure how that's going to go.
It's just starting over bit with a child. All my belongings I own are in various family and friends cars and houses, I have no idea what I'm going to do and how i'l possibly cope bit just going to try and take one day at a time. I haven't had much sleep these past nights so I'm going to try and sleep. I don't know what these units are like it's scary but just want to get my child back.

Once i get her back they won't take her again

Good luck Hanna. I have read the thread and you sound amazingly strong, you have been through so much. Please be kind to yourself. If I could I would give you the biggest hug right now, and I am not normally a hugger! Things seem bad now, but hopefully this is the turning point. You will have your baby back soon and be in an environment where people want to support you. Keep working with the health professionals and stay strong.

The units will provide all the support you will need - you are being really strong!! So many people stay in bad relationships and you are actively taking a stand and moving on!
They will help you with housing and furniture as well as benifit claims etc

Take one day at a time

Sending you best wishes Hanna. You are the opposite of a shit Mum, you are a fantastic brave fighting mum and your daughter is very lucky to have a mum like you.