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Parenting

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Original poster

AIBU newborn

120 replies

Kitcat159 · 27/02/2018 10:34

AIBU to ask my husband who works at home to watch the baby occasionally for a few mins while I go to the loo. It will only be the odd occasion that baby is being fussy/won't go in the Moses basket and I'm desperate to go.

He said it's totally unreasonable.

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wowbutter · 27/02/2018 10:38

No, it's not unreasonable.
It's what a good human being would do, he is the child's father, of course he should do this.
I appreciate he is working, but honestly, I work from home a lot, and have my kids around. Why can't he hold a fussy baby for a bit while you pee.
I don't see anything wrong either holding the baby while it sleeps and while you rest, he can work and d that.
Is he normally so selfish? Are you okay?

Original poster

Kitcat159 · 27/02/2018 10:40

He's not normally selfish. He just told me I will have to calm the baby down and wait to go to the loo.
He also said I have to sit downstairs with baby all day with the doors shut because he is working and expects all of the

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Original poster

Kitcat159 · 27/02/2018 10:42

...housework and cooking to be done by the time he finishes work.
I don't like the idea of being locked in 1 room l day but I appreciate he is working and I will take the baby out if he has a conference call etc.

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harlaandgoddard · 27/02/2018 10:44

He’s being U, sounds like he doesn’t think looking after a baby can be hard work.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 27/02/2018 10:45

Tell him to fuck off and work in a hot desk office or cafe if he can’t work at home with normal home life going on around him.

I used to keep the kids quiet or go out for the occasional Skype with a client and I do mean occasional.

HumphreyCobblers · 27/02/2018 10:46

He sounds unbelievably selfish. Surely this hasn't come out of nowhere?

You really have the right to expect him to parent his own child.

flumpybear · 27/02/2018 10:47

Is this a joke?!
Your 'd' husband needs to treat you and your baby like human beings and get himself off his own pedestal

Completely unreasonable of him!!

AnnieAnoniMouse · 27/02/2018 10:48

It’s that bad I’m struggling to believe you’re not winding us up.

If this is really happening then you’re with a complete twat. You can TRY educating the complete fuck muppet or cut your loses and separate now. How long were you with him before you got pregnant? What was he like before?

Midnightpony · 27/02/2018 10:49

Is he for real??!! That's outrageous.
My husband works from home and happily takes the baby when I go to the loo, have a (quick) shower. Or if baby is crying and I'm not able to calm him (rarely) he comes down if his own accord to give me a break/see if a different face helps.
He makes breakfast lunch and dinner for us, does his own laundry . I do my laundry and baby's. I clean the house but not up the the standard I would like and DH certainly doesn't expect it to be clean or comment of it's not.
Your husband sounds like a dick. Sorry

pinkyredrose · 27/02/2018 10:49

He's not normally selfish

He sounds the epitome of selfish! You can't have a piss ffs! Do you think he would accept being treated the way he's treating you? Expecting all the housework and cooking done!? Does he realise you have a newborn? Why did he have a baby if he doesn't want anything to do with him/her?

Midnightpony · 27/02/2018 10:50

Oh just to say, sometimes if he's not home and I need to go to the loo I just hold the baby while I do my business and put him down to wipe

PragmaticWench · 27/02/2018 10:52

Ha, he's living in the bloody dark ages!!!

DH worked from home in a very demanding job three days a week when we had our first DD, and he jolly well helped out when he could between conference calls.

He also did ALL the housework, cooking, food shopping etc as I was doing 24/7 with a screaming baby.

Your DH is an idiot.

Juststrugglingabit · 27/02/2018 10:54

Your DH sounds completely unreasonable to me. Your (BOTH of you) newborn is your top priority. He has to be able to work during his working hours but your home is the place where you care for your baby and teach them all about normal home life. Not sure I could do that in the conditions you describe. If he genuinely can't be distracted, even for five minutes, than he needs a proper office space that is out of the house.

I know you say he is not normally selfish, but your DH sounds very controlling. If he is not usually like this, I think you might need to explain a few things to him in very plain terms if necessary.

rascallyrascal · 27/02/2018 10:56

I really hope this is a wind up. Surely no one could be married to that much of a twat and not realise?

CapricornWithAUnicornHorn · 27/02/2018 10:56

Your husband tries to keep yourself and his newborn confined in one room while he works but also expects the whole house to be cleaned and dinner to be cooked and won't keep an eye on his own child while you go to the toilet. You said yourself he expects you to hold it in while your baby goes to sleep.

Run, seriously just fucking go. He is vile

Original poster

Kitcat159 · 27/02/2018 10:57

Been together 13 years and he has never been like this before. He's great with the nephews and nieces etc he's always trying to help me.
I had a bit of a panic attack about having a newborn and worrying that I won't be a good mum etc and that's when he came out with all this.

He said I wouldn't be able to ask his help if he was in an office so I shouldn't be asking for help during the day
There was a discussion of me and baby sleepingdownstairs so he can get a decent sleep but he decided against that because he doesn't like to sleep without me. I just have to keep the baby from waking him up.
Needless to say this discussion did not help with my worrying and definately pissed me off
This is most definitely not a joke.

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Juststrugglingabit · 27/02/2018 10:59

As for the housework thing - fuck that. You both have full time work and yours is a damn sight more difficult than his (whatever he says) so he needs to pull his weight. If he just does his paid job and then clocks off he is not pulling his weight.

AutumnalTed · 27/02/2018 11:01

Sounds like he has absolutely no idea what it takes to look after a newborn all day, you can’t be in one room all day.
He expects you to keep the baby quiet at night? He can finish work and he can cook and clean. Bloody hell! Sounds vile

Blaablaablaa · 27/02/2018 11:01

He 'expects' all the cooking and housework to be done. Who is he ? your manager?
You have to keep the baby from waking him up? erm good luck with that. He is being unbelievably selfish and self centered. Life changes when you have a child and you need to adapt accordingly.

NotSoSprightly · 27/02/2018 11:04

Surely this is a wind up. Bloody hell.

Juststrugglingabit · 27/02/2018 11:05

Fucking hell. I'm really sorry to hear it is not a joke. Has he had some sort of breakdown? Serious question.

Also you are a good mum. You clearly realise that his idea of how to raise your baby is not ok.

userabcname · 27/02/2018 11:11

What the fuck? No. When DS was newborn and DH was at work, my job was recovering from the birth and caring for the baby. DH would cook and do a bit of laundry/ load the dishwasher etc. when he got home. I bf-ed and tried to let DH get a good night's sleep Sun-Thurs but DS was (is) a crap sleeper and DH often would take over in the early hours before he needed to get ready for work so I could sleep. I also got both weekend lie-ins. Your husband is totally U. He is being incredibly selfish. Tell him if he wants the housework done he can employ a cleaner. If he wants silent working conditions he can hire an office or soundproof his office at home. If he wants an undisturbed night he can sleep in another room and you can swap with him at weekends so you get to have a couple of undisturbed nights a week as well. And he can damn well hold the baby while you pop to the loo or whatever. Fucking arsehole.

Sagelistener · 27/02/2018 11:14

From your post it sounds like the baby hasn't been born yet??
Only thing I can think of for his statements (if he is a decent guy), is that he's trying to set boundaries now if he's worried you expect to be in 'his' work space all day and quality will suffer.

When the baby arrives I expect things will change and his eyes will be opened to the reality of a newborn. Then you can get into a groove that works for you both. Definitely NOT you doing all the housework/cooking and baby care 24/7 - that is a recipe for disaster!

McDougalMcPhee · 27/02/2018 11:16

hahaha - seriously he is having a laugh!!

selfish fucker

Steeley113 · 27/02/2018 11:17

I can sort of see his point in that if he was out to work then you’d have to just get on with it but the rest is ridiculous! I wouldn’t be confined to just one room, I’d be damned if I was doing all the house work (most of it, yes but he can help on days off!) and as for you sleeping downstairs! I’d be telling him he can sleep downstairs, not like I see the need for it as he is working from home. My OH slept downstairs in the early days but he works with flames and chemicals so needed to be alert.

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