Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

AIBU newborn

120 replies

Kitcat159 · 27/02/2018 10:34

AIBU to ask my husband who works at home to watch the baby occasionally for a few mins while I go to the loo. It will only be the odd occasion that baby is being fussy/won't go in the Moses basket and I'm desperate to go.

He said it's totally unreasonable.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

SleepingStandingUp · 27/02/2018 16:22

He doesn't like me going out on my own because he doesn't want me to ever feel lonely
Creepy as hell OP. what about seeing friends? Enjoying your own company? Taking the baby out alone?

doesthislookoddtoyou · 27/02/2018 16:22

As men go, he is one of the good ones

He really really is not. He's a thundercunt.

stitchglitched · 27/02/2018 16:22

He didn't want you to go into hospital with your HG either did he? Not stalking, but as a previous HG sufferer I often read threads about it and I remember yours. Sounds like he wants you where he can keep tabs on you.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

NerrSnerr · 27/02/2018 16:27

He is not one of the good ones I promise you. He sounds utterly awful. Why does he get to tell you when you have a wee and of you take the baby with you.

AutumnalTed · 27/02/2018 16:28

Yeah another one that thinks this in controlling, and wants to keep tabs on you. The entire vibe your posts give off is actually concerning, maybe read them back and look at the language he’s used to say “nice things” to you.

NerrSnerr · 27/02/2018 16:29

He doesn't like me going out on my own because he doesn't want me to ever feel lonely
This is utter bollocks. You get to decide if you go out alone or not. He’s not being nice by saying this.

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 27/02/2018 16:30

He sounds like a prick and you need to protect yourself, for both yours and your baby's sake.

This might sound harsh, but I've read a lot of shit today and it's put me in a bad mood.
I could flower it up but the sentiment is the same.

AssassinatedBeauty · 27/02/2018 16:36

He is not one of the good ones. He is acting like you're a child and he is the only real person in your family. How dare he tell you what to do! Every comment he has made assumes the baby is 100% your responsibility all of the time, and that he doesn't value at all the work you'll be doing to care for the baby. Hence all the idiotic comments about housework and cooking. Those are shared tasks. Your full time occupation will be the baby, he will be working, you both share housework and cooking.

I'd tell him that after thinking about it, you've decided he isn't to work at home, he is to rent a shared work space and work there. If he can tell micromanage you with the baby, then you can tell him how to manage his work day.

BertieBotts · 27/02/2018 16:37

I started reading this thread thinking you were both being a bit unrealistic and were perhaps just mistaken, but the more I read the more bonkers and controlling he gets! You'll just have to wait?? What, the whole 8 hours? Can't bear to sleep without you but you also mustn't let the baby wake him up? WTF? Are you supposed to drug it or tape up its mouth?

This is honestly really chilling the lack of compassion or even simple human dignity he is showing for you and the child!

Original poster

Kitcat159 · 27/02/2018 16:47

He just doesn't like me going out alone as we used to live in a dodgy area. He's fine with me going out with my mum or whatever. I don't have friends so I don't go out with anyone other than my parents really. That's not because of him tho. I just don't get on with people really.

OP posts:

NerrSnerr · 27/02/2018 16:49

He doesn’t get to control whether you go out alone or not- that it 100% your choice. I would really advise trying to get out to baby groups when the baby is born so you can have some extra support around you as it really sounds like you need it.

PuppyMonkey · 27/02/2018 16:53

Yes he definitely sounds like one of the good ones.

On another note, I read that earlier post as you saying he stood outside the bathroom peeing through a tiny crack.

Sorry to lower the tone.

ijustwannadance · 27/02/2018 16:54

I read your OP and was going to say stick a bouncy chair or changing mat in the bathroom or just let baby cry for a few mins.
The more you post the worst it gets.
What the fuck is his reason for not taking baby in the bathroom? Dickhead.

I have a newborn. My DP will come home from work later and will then take baby for an hour or so to give me a break then cook tea. We take turns to catch up on sleep and do night feeds.

I also watch tv and eat. Housework can wait. No one gives a shit.

Blaablaablaa · 27/02/2018 16:54

He most definitely is not one of the good ones.
He will not get better once the baby arrives - he will get worse and you will be teaching your child this is how to be treated by men/how to treat women.

Will you be able to attend any baby groups? Make friends with other new parents? Have you attended any antenatal classes?

SleepingStandingUp · 27/02/2018 16:56

He's fine with you going out with your mom? How very magnanimous of him.

You used to live in a rough area, you don't now.

I heartily suggest you do NCT classes, make some friends and get out lots once you have the baby

Squashpocket · 27/02/2018 16:59

My husband was a bit like this with our first. I don't think he had any idea how completely bloody exhausting having a small baby is - he thought he was the one with the hard job (8 hours sat on his arse in an office). He did absolutely NOTHING to help. Even really weird stuff like leaving me to carry the baby, car seat and changing bag to the car and nit offering to help, when he would always help carry stuff pre-children. It's like he totally checked out.

In the end I had a bit of a mental breakdown at which point he noticed that maybe he should be doing a bit more to help please don't let it get to that point.

Original poster

Kitcat159 · 27/02/2018 17:00

He doesn't want the baby in the bathroom because it's unhygenic"
No he doesn't mean I have to hold it for 8 hours. He means till baby sleeps or calms down enough to put them in the basket so I can go.
Basically I have to treat things like he isn't there.

If he is working and baby won't let me put them down without screaming the house down I'll take the baby in with me. What he doesn't know won't hurt him.
I have IBS and anxiety so the thought of having to go quickly is always on my mind.

OP posts:

Rachie1986 · 27/02/2018 17:01

Hope you're ok OP

SleepingStandingUp · 27/02/2018 17:03

Do he knows toy have ibs but expects you to wait hours for the loo. He isn't even saying don't take baby in, just let him cry in his cot for a few minutes. He's telling you your needs aren't important.

Even the sleeping downstairs stuff, he changed his mind because HE doesn't like sleeping alone not because you deserve to sleep in a bed

What will he do if you end up being admitted after the birth?

FrozenMargarita17 · 27/02/2018 17:04

Tell him to FTFO!!!! My husband works from home. I give him the baby to hold when he isn't using the phone or doing much. (He's certainly able to get out to the shed if he fancies it, so he can have the baby while I go for a wee or get changed!!).

He's being a twat.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 27/02/2018 17:05

He's a bit of a cunt op. He's done a right job on you and your anxieties. Next time you go and see your mum or sister tell them what he's said. Their reaction should speak volumes.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/02/2018 17:06

What are you doing about returning to work and child care op?

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 27/02/2018 17:07

He doesn't like me going out on my own because he doesn't want me to ever feel lonely.

That is creepy as fuck. It was creepy and controlling when you lived in a bad area and it's still creepy and controlling now.

He isn't one of the good ones. Your responses are painting a consistent picture of a man who is very careful to keep you isolated and under his thumb.

ijustwannadance · 27/02/2018 17:09

Our bathroom is probably the cleanest room in the bloody house! The baby will be fine in there for a few mins.

He is playing on your anxiety to control you.

FrozenMargarita17 · 27/02/2018 17:09

Oh my god OP the more I read the more frightened I am for you. He sounds absolutely AWFUL.

If you are like I was after the birth there is no waiting to go to the loo. Honestly. You gotta go when you gotta go.

I would honestly be thinking of leaving because if that's how he's going to be at one of the most vulnerable times of your life then he's going to be a hindrance rather than help. I couldn't imagine living in such conditions.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5