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Parenting

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Original poster

AIBU newborn

120 replies

Kitcat159 · 27/02/2018 10:34

AIBU to ask my husband who works at home to watch the baby occasionally for a few mins while I go to the loo. It will only be the odd occasion that baby is being fussy/won't go in the Moses basket and I'm desperate to go.

He said it's totally unreasonable.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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SleepingStandingUp · 27/02/2018 12:16

Then he shouldn't have been involved in your getting pregnant.

Afreshcuppateaplease · 27/02/2018 12:17

He sounds like a prick op

TammySwansonTwo · 27/02/2018 12:17

Quick hint: he’s a cunt

We have twins. My DH works from home. Right now he’s upstairs working, earlier he was watching the boys, loading the dishwasher and cleaning up while I went to the GP.

I hated asking for help when they were small - I was pumping too and I had more than five UTIs in their first year as I was literally always holding in a pee.

People who work in offices take breaks to make a coffee, use the loo, etc. He can suck it up unless he’s on a call.

Also, knock that housework bullshit on the head right now. That’s a joint task, and the chance of you being able to do it all while caring for a newborn is slim to none. What’s his damage anyway? Do you do it all now?

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SleepingStandingUp · 27/02/2018 12:20

Do you have access to household finances or will you only have the tiny scrap of maternity pay and cb and a begging bowl?

missmorleyme · 27/02/2018 12:20

Im sorry but he sounds lika a controlling arse hole, not taking the baby the toilet with you??! Really? Put two fingers up to hin and tell him to fuck off, this has made me so angry reading all of your posts, honestly it looks like its gonna get worse, i feel like going abd having it out with my dp an the mans done nothing wrong im that angry, no offense op but grow a backbone and dont let this man dictate to you, regardless of him paying the rent, you are his equal, not someone who he can order around.

FusionChefGeoff · 27/02/2018 12:22

What a bellend

FancyNewBeesly · 27/02/2018 12:25

If you’re the one looking after the baby, you decide where the baby does and doesn’t go including the bathroom. And since he won’t get up in the night, won’t watch the baby for a few minutes in the day, when are you supposed to shower?

Honestly, I’m telling you right now you need to put your foot down immediately. Tell him you’ve been thinking about your discussion and are very angry at him already shirking responsibility, and you’re on mat leave to care for the baby, not for his benefit. Please don’t sleep walk into a situation where he does nothing at all.

windchimesabotage · 27/02/2018 12:30

whaaaaaat?! this does sound like a joke. He cannot be serious.

However If you really need to go to the loo and he honestly wont help you then just put the baby in the moses basket and carry it into the bathroom with you. The baby wont die from being left to cry in its basket for a minute while you have a wee! As long as you can see it to make sure its not rolled over and got stuck etc then it will be fine. I have had to do this when my husband has been at work.

Also used to take the baby into the bathroom when I had a shower and leave him in his car seat facing me so I could see him.

Your husband is being V unreasonable though!

Countingsheeeep · 27/02/2018 12:38

This is outrageous...I can't believe he is being so selfish.

No, you wouldn't be able to ask his help if he worked in a normal office...but he is working at home, and there you should at the very least have free reign of the house, not be locked in one room! If he doesn't like working from him then there are plenty of alternatives!

Dh doesn't work from home but when he does he would without question watch the baby whilst I went to the toilet. He also helps at night because WE decided to have a baby.

Imo the only men who are completely excuses from parental night duties are those with jobs which require extreme amounts of concentration e.g. those driving long commutes, pilots, doctors etc. Sit at a desk all day and you are just as capable of performing your parental duties as the mum.

I actually find it infuriating that so many man think that they can have a baby, and then watch as their wives drown from exhaustion.

sourpatchkid · 27/02/2018 12:48

I suggest you start considering whether leaving him would be possible. I'm not saying you'll need to but you might want to start planning for it just in case.

To be fair, I thought I'd have loads of time on my hands before DS was born and I think we both thought I'd be able to cook and clean. I really couldn't do very much of anything. I don't mind his naive expectations but I do mind his demands, if he can't sleep HE sleeps downstairs.
You get to whenever wee whenever you want, why does he think he has an opinion on that?

SleepingStandingUp · 27/02/2018 12:53

Can you reframe it Op?

I've Bern thinking about your expectations DP and actually I have some of my own. I thought we could sit and discuss which of them are reasonable?

1 day each lie in assuming he works 6 days and you arent bf'ing. If you are then a chance to nap between feeds at the weekend whilst he has baby.

Him to cook one night in the week and one lunch, one dinner at the weekend.

One afternoon off each one a month

Equal access to family money

Him to do bed routines 4 days a week

Etc

teaandbiscuitsforme · 27/02/2018 12:59

Op, your posts are seriously concerning. Your husband sounds like a complete dick and some of his behaviours are controlling and abusive.

If I was you, before the baby gets her, I would start to get my shit together in case the worst happens and you need to go. Get paperwork, savings, proof of his income, all in a place where you can grab it. Make sure you always have your car keys and house keys somewhere accessible and make sure your changing bag is really well stocked.

I really hope he realises what a dick he has been but your priority is going your be keeping you and your baby safe. If you can't live in your house for 'fear' of doing something to upset him, he's emotionally abusing you.

MycatsaPirate · 27/02/2018 13:05

You have to keep the baby quiet so it doesn't wake him at night? So what will he do if the baby does wake him?

You do realise that the amount of orders and instructions he's giving you is going to put you under an enormous amount of pressure and worry which will just make you lose your confidence in your abilities.

I would seriously think about staying with a man who does not want his life to be disturbed by the arrival of a newborn and that he actually seems to have zero consideration for you.

He's controlling and horrible.

mrspapalazarou · 27/02/2018 13:10

With my first dc, I did spend the first few weeks sleeping downstairs on the sofa with the cot so dh could get good nights sleep for work. Wish I hadnt and when dc2 came along I put my foot down from the start and said I wasn't doing that again so currently if dh can't sleep, he is in the spare room or on the sofa

He also works from home but has never been a problem. Obviously I have to go in and out of the kitchen (where he works) but avoid it if possible when he's on the phone or concentrating. He's always been happy to hold baby while I go to the loo and will make me a cup of tea when he has one so it has advantages. And the odd occasion he's not around, baby really won't be put down but I'm desperate, it is possible to hold baby in one hand and wipe with the other!

The problem you get with a daddy working from home is when dc starts walking and won't leave daddy alone

PragmaticWench · 27/02/2018 13:22

Does he know that you will most likely be bleeding for a while longer than his week of paternity leave and will need to go to the bathroom regularly to deal with that? You may be recovering from a section or birth injuries and be struggling physically.

Jeez, he's bordering on abusive.

ElsieMay123 · 27/02/2018 13:24

For a different perspective it might be that your husband just hasn't thought this through as what he's saying is total bollocks, and the reality will hit him when the baby arrives! You could argue now, or you can just wait for the cold hard truth to make your case - you won't be able to keep a baby quiet at night, you can put a baby down to go to the loo , and the housework will slide.

PragmaticWench · 27/02/2018 13:27

Does your DH have any friends who have had babies who can talk to him about it all?

moita · 27/02/2018 14:31

Your DH is ridiculous. My DH works from home but he agrees this is our family home first and foremost.

He needs a reality check.

pinkyredrose · 27/02/2018 14:34

OP why did he want a baby? Did he want to be a father or did he want you barefoot and pregnant?

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 27/02/2018 14:37

Tell him that you don't need his permission. Either put the baby in the Moses basket or take him in with you. I even had showers while DD was screaming, because she was permanently hungry and I was a single parent.

BellyBean · 27/02/2018 15:03

Both my dd's loved watching me shower whilst on a change mat on the bathroom floor. Better than worrying they'd wake from a nap and I wouldn't hear them.

A freezer stocked with batch cooking I'd good for the early weeks. Not because it's the 1950s but you'll both be tired

mimibunz · 27/02/2018 15:05

Leave him. Life is too short for bad husbands.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/02/2018 15:54

DID he want the baby?

Original poster

Kitcat159 · 27/02/2018 16:11

Yes he wanted the baby.
I think he just thinks I'm gonna be doing nothing all day.
I'm gonna ride it out and see what happens when baby arrives. Im sure his attitude will change when he actually meets baby and sees what is needed. I hope it changes because I'm not about to be confined to 1 room like I'm in prison.

He says he is excited about the baby and wants to get the room decorated etc.

As men go, he is one of the good ones. Been there for me through lots. He doesn't like me going out on my own because he doesn't want me to ever feel lonely. When I had HG (plus fear of vomiting) I wouldn't let him in the bathroom when I was being sick. He stood outside with water and crackers peering through a tiny crack asking if I'm ok. When I came out and sobbed into his arms he called me his warrior princess and stroked my hair till I calmed down then tucked me up on the sofa with a movie.
So he is nice. He is just having a blip.

OP posts:

gingergenius · 27/02/2018 16:16

He doesn't like me going out on my own because he doesn't want me to ever feel lonely

This phrase gave me chills. And not in a good way.

I hope you're right OP. I have my doubts.

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