2 year age gap- feel so guilty and low

[Mrsharper88]

Hello, I’m new on here. I’m sorry if this topic has already been covered but I’m feeling so so low.

My DS is now 18months, it took us a year and half of ttc before I finally fell pregnant with him. We knew we wanted a second child and that it could take years, so we decided to start trying last month and I discovered last week I am pregnant.

This is a horrible thing to say but I am absolutely devastated. My DS is still a baby and needs me. I feel like my stupid selfish actions are going to damage him emotionally as he won’t get the attention he needs and deserves. He still wakes in the night and gets so jealous if anyone else comes near me. I have not stopped crying, I feel like the most terrible person in the world because it’s all my fault that he will suffer.

I don’t have anyone I can talk to, my friends who have children all have big age gaps and I know they will think DS is too young. DP doesn’t understand what I’m upset about.

I’m just looking for some way to feel better about it. For someone to say I did the right thing. Someone to give me positive stories of how a 2.2 age gap can work and not damage the older sibling. Anyone that can make me feel better for doing it now rather than waiting.

I know that is also very selfish but I don’t know what else to do as I feel the lowest I think I’ve ever felt.

Really hope someone can help x

[Doilooklikeatourist]

Mine are now 22 and 20 , they’re 2 years and 4 months apart

I thought that was a normal age gap

IMHO your so called friend is an idiot , a big gap is perfect if that’s what happens to your family , but a smaller gap is easier

My 2 get on well , now the older one is working , the second still at uni , they chat on FaceTime and just slip,back into a sibling rivalry ( I mean friendship ) as soon as they’re back here together

[GetsPostByOwl]

Two years is great. I have an 11, 8 and almost 6 year old and the almost 6 and the 8 year old are closer than you can possibly imagine. Brother and sister so close you would think them twins. They do everything together. It's so sweet.

[foodiefil]

Really bizarre reaction. You may need help from your GP to deal with this not just mumsnet. 22 month gap. Best of friends.

[trixymalixy]

2 years is a pretty standard age gap!

Just about all my friends that have been lucky enough to be able to "plan" their age gap have tried to have about a 2 year gap.

My DS loved having a little sister and was totally smitten from the minute she was born.

[Didiplanthis]

I get it OP. Took me a long time to conceive DC1 assumed DC2 might take longer and fell pregnant first month. It took a while to get my head round as it wasn't what I had expected or planned. I felt even worse as mine was a twin pregnancy. I really felt I'd screwed up DC1's life. I really hadn't. Dc1 is 8 and adores DTs. Says the happiest day of their life was the day the twins were born. And they are quite frankly a PITA to their sibling most of the time but they do love each other !

[Poffley]

Honestly OP give yourself a break. I personally think a 2 year age gap is tiny and I wouldn't do it in a million years but I have been called extremely odd for wanting a 4/5 year age gap (or SHOCK HORROR an only child).

I very much doubt there is a perfect one, they will all have their advantages and disadvantages. Your DS will be absolutely fine.

[CallYourDadYoureInACult]

I have a 2.5 yeR age gap and my DCs are the best of friends. They play together, share a room and are pretty much inseparable.

Now, we have our issues, of course. But I can say, hand on heart that the age gap has been brilliant.

[JoandMax]

I have a 20 month gap and it’s great! Mine are so close, play brilliantly together.

I genuinely feel one of the best things I’ve ever done for DS1 was give him a little brother

[Summerberriesatdawn]

2 year age gap is usually the norm.

[Tiredmum100]

Umm, I've got 22 months between mine, never once did I experience anything you've said. I didn't feel like I'd be letting my first dc down at all. You're being very hard on yourself. Mine are the best of friends and it certainly hasn't harmed dc1 in any way.

[willisurvive3under2]

We planned for the same, got pregnant with twins 😱 I felt guilty for a while but I'm determined to make it work - poor DS will be 20 months when the twins are born.

[Scabbersley]

Please wait until your scans before you start thinking about the pros and cons of this xx

[madeyemoodysmum]

2 years in fine. Mine are 2 years and 11 days apart and sparer from a hectic fortnight for birthdays. They are company for each other on holidays.

Sometimes they fight but other times they get on well and play with each other. They also are into similar things so no issues in school hols about places to go etc.

I like having a smaller gap.

[SockUnicorn]

@Mrsharper88 theres less than 2 years between my DDs. my eldest was very dependant on me and my little shadow. When I brought her sister home from the hospital she ignored us both for a few days. But she got over it. Now, many years on, they are best friends. two (very different) halves of one whole and need one another. They refuse to sleep in their own bedrooms and end up together. It makes days out easier, they share friends and they have very similar interests. Also they love that they get bigger "joint" christmas gifts some years if they want a console for example.

Your new baby is a blessing and you are giving your DC a best friend for life.

[VioletCharlotte]

I have a 21 month age gap between my two, it's absolutely fine! I think 2 years 2 months is pretty normal.

[Givemestrengthorgin]

2 years is great age gap for the kids. He will still have you but also the added benefit of a little brother or sister to play with and he will of course be the very important big brother that gets to teach baby everything! My DS has thrived on having a sibling just 2 years younger. It's definitely benefited him, certainly not a detriment.

[Spam88]

There's 2.5 years between me and my brother. All of my friends have siblings who were 2 school years older than them. I think it's a pretty typical age gap?

[Lennythelion14]

My eldest are 18 months apart. I did feel worried that i wouldn't have enough love, time etc for two and i thought i might damage him by him not being the only one for several years but i found my love and time stretched to two. I would have baby in a sling while i played with him and as they got older (toddlers) they had similar interests and could do similar activities.they adore each other and eldest has no memory of being an only one,so has never felt hard done by. Please talk to your health visitor or midwife. They should be able to help.

[Screaminginsideme]

I could have written this! It took over a year to conceive dc and then almost first try with the next one and I was so upset I cried. My h didn’t understand why I wasn’t happy. I spoke to lots of people about how I was ever going to love another child the way I loved my first. My second pregnancy was complicated so there was a risk of still birth and I mental prepares for not having a baby which meant I took a while to bond with baby. The toddler years are hard but things are much easier now and believe me when I say you can love them both and you aren’t going to ruin you first child life. It will be okay I promise!

[fulltimeworkingmotherof4]

My middle 2 girls are 11 months apart; now 9&8. It was hard when they were babies but now they’re the best of friends. The older one likes her own space now and then but the younger one is always lost without the older one. Love it that they have each other to be with. My sister was 2 years younger than me, we were close, sadly she passed away last year. Still miss her everyday.
2 years is perfect, I literally shit myself when I found out I was pregnant and had a 2montn old

[Pinky333777]

It's fine! You're capable of handling more than one child at a time.
I'm planning a year age gap for number 2 and again for number three, all going well (unless baby 2 are twins - which I secretly hope for!)
I think it's wonderful when siblings grow up together close in age x

[iMatter]

My boys are 12 months apart.

Very hard to begin with (ds1 was an em section which didn't help) but an absolute breeze after a while.

Best friends, always someone to hang with who has similar interests/capabilities.

They are 12 and 13 now and although they do bicker sometimes I would not change it for the world.

[ladystarkers]

Its a great age gap!

[MacNcheese87]

2 years 2 months difference here. Honestly great having a small age gap, they are now 10 and 8. They play together, they're super close, all they've ever really known is each other. No worrying about having to share me because at 2.2 years, they're still young enough not to hold any grudges.

Having the 2 year gap means they're interested in the same things, I can take them to the same play areas/watch the same films/do the same activities. (DS2 wears a lot of DS1s hand me downs so it would save me money if I wasn't buying more expensive stuff because I know it will be worn twice 😉)

I also have a baby. So 8 and 10 years age gap. Whole different kettle of fish. They dote over her, but they're not interested in CBeebies or ball pits.

There's positives for both. But overall, having them closer is better IMO because it very much feels like starting all over again just as I was gaining my freedom back.

[help1978]

We have one and cant have anymore but I just wanted to say that I have a few friends and family who had similar age gap and made it through. Some even thought their babies would hate a newbie in the family as quite clingy/territorial but all adjusted much better than initially thought x