Can you remember life before the kids came?

[Kitkat369]

Hi, I’m ttc at moment my first and thinking about something my SIL said to me recently about her first where she mentioned she couldn’t remember life prior to daughter coming along. Made me wonder if these is common thing?

I have to say it did freak me out a bit as I do love my selfish independence just hubby and I but then I do get those pangs for wanting to be a mum.

Also how did it affect your relationship with OH once baby came?

Two full time incomes.
Lazy weekends in bed watching a whole box set.
Seeing new films and trying new restaurants when they happen rather than a year later (if the childcare doesn't let us down, the finances do). Seeing my friends when DH is on late shift (and him coming straight to the pub after work to give me a lift home so I could have a drink).
Weekends away at the drop of a hat.
Less ironing/no tiny polo shirts.
I didn't appreciate at the time how blissful it is to not have to do the school run!

Still wouldn't give him back though!

Ooh and my sex life is all but dead due to a combination of just getting used to not doing it because we had a DS who would wake up and wander into our room several times a night until he was nearly 9! and the fact I feel my body is hideous now due to the CSection flap of doom and stomach muscles which never recovered for being separated.

Badger i don’t have a section scar or a skin flap but I have horrendous abdominal stretch marks to the severity i’s rather have just had one scar. You can’t win can you? I’m sick of seeing celebs prancing around in bikinis who never got a mark on them! Dam genetics!

i’d

Agree with sex life being affected, we’re either too tired or ds wants to be in our bed. I also don’t feel as bodily confident as I did before (even though I didn’t appreciate my body before.)

I’m sick of seeing celebs prancing around in bikinis who never got a mark on them! Dam photoshop!

Fixed it for you ;)

Wish it was just all Photoshop

We'll, there's the tiredness, having to be more organised, can't be as spontaneous and generally have less money but there no reason why you can't have just as a fulfilling, fun life as you had prior to children.

My advice:
Be a team - don't get into one-upmanship over who is more tired , who changed the last nappy etc. If you truly share the workload then it all evens out over time. Share housework!

Give each other time off/a break. When we had a newborn my OH would come home on a Friday evening, take the baby and send me to bed. Sometimes I slept but sometimes I read or watched TV but I had a break and that was the most important thing. Even now we offer each other a break and make sure we get downtime. We also alternate lie ins...early mornings shouldn't be one person's responsibility.

Remember you're a couple - it isn't selfish to spend time together without the baby. If you have trusted childcare then use it! Happy parents make a happy family. It's important to be quite chilled about childcare...as long as mine are safe, fed and happy I don't get stressed about how it might be different to my way.

Let's dad's do it their way and don't treat them like an extra child. In the very early days if I was going out I used to prepare bottles , pack bags, sort clothes etc. One day OH asked where something was and I thought 'why don't you know this?' so i stopped. Next time I went out I did nothing and guess what....he figured it out!

I have a 3.5 year old and a 4 month old. I can remember life before kids. We were happy, but I think life was becoming a bit dull. I had finished studying and I wasn't really ambitious with my career, so it wasn't enough to fulfill me. We'd done lots of travelling which had been great, but it was starting to become less exciting.

I do really miss being able to have lie ins, and a lazy weekend, and spontaneous meals out. We were on holiday last week. Took ages to get everything packed and ready. While we were there, we still had to do the same chores in terms of cooking/feeding/bathing everyone, but without the cleaning. But then when I got back I had 7 loads of laundry to do . Not sure it was much of a holiday really.

In terms of relationships, I find it does put a strain on things. Life with two is all consuming. After they are in bed, we have maybe 1.5 hours together, but often some admin or something to do. If not we watch TV, but after such an active day it's all fairly passive - I think we are both so exhausted we just need time to collapse and therefore don't interact with each other an awful lot.

Of course I can. I had a kid not a head trauma!
The main difference is that you have less money and you always have to factor in someone else's needs to your plans. That's about it really.

Exactly that. The only thing that make me really wistful is that I now think twice before spending $1000 on a pair of shoes and that I can't go to the beach and relax with a book because I'm keeping an eye on a 6 & 3 year old.