Can you remember life before the kids came?

[Kitkat369]

Hi, I’m ttc at moment my first and thinking about something my SIL said to me recently about her first where she mentioned she couldn’t remember life prior to daughter coming along. Made me wonder if these is common thing?

I have to say it did freak me out a bit as I do love my selfish independence just hubby and I but then I do get those pangs for wanting to be a mum.

Also how did it affect your relationship with OH once baby came?

Yes, before kids I was bored and not very ambitious.

My relationship with DH has only got stronger since I carried his child.

I am now a lot more focused on my future and what I want out of life, and I generally enjoy the day to day experience of parenting.

The people who say having kids ruin your relationship didn't have a strong relationship to begin with. And the people who say kids ruin your life simply use their kids as an excuse to be lazy and not reach their goals. Kids are a blessing not a hinderance.

I should have written a novel, or done a masters degree, or become an Olympic fucking athlete with the amount of time I had to myself pre-baby. It's all a hazy memory now and I don't really know what I did with the time. Nothing productive anyway - but nowadays just sitting watching TV is a luxury.

It hasn't been good for my relationship. DH is pretty good but we get on one another's nerves when we're tired and our sex life took a long time to even start up again after having the baby - I had a birth injury that made it really painful for about ten months and it's still a bit uncomfortable even now (16 months on). I'm also really, really tired most of the time and my sex drive has suffered badly.

I absolutely adore DS though and he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. He's just so much fun and I can't wait to pick him up from nursery in the evenings. I also look forward to him going to bed but yeah, he's worth all the hard work.

It's a life changer for good & bad

The biggest thing I miss is time to myself...I've always been a person who needs a lot of it. I am now chronically sleep deprived because I stay up too late so I can have time to myself once everyone else is in bed.

Yes, I do remember for the most part. Kids do fill your time. I went to stay over with a friend recently and the weirdest part was Sunday morning where there was nothing to do. I had forgotten those times where you could just laze about.

I remember life before kids, I don't miss it as such, but I do miss certain things: Going to the cinema, lazy sunday afternoons in a pub, going out for dinner on a whim, reading at least a book per week. But that's it though, and these things are not lost forever. I love being a parent and I love watching my DH be a dad. It's not all plain sailing of course, but it is a grand adventure :)

I do. I spent a lot less time wiping things - noses, bottoms, spills, sticky finger marks. I also remember thinking I was tired and maybe I was but by fuck I am so much more tired now. I had waaaay more money and time but didn't appreciate them

I also remember how desperately I wanted my own child, how every period was a body blow, and I'll never forget going for a private scan at 10 weeks to be told the pregnancy had failed. Life is harder, more stressful, more worrisome, more expensive and I wouldn't swap it for the world.

I remember the lovely sleeps I used to have. I used to get up for work at 8 and thought that was so early HaHaHA! Now 8 is a lie in.

Everything else I can handle as I've always been messy anyway but the sleep is something I really look forward to getting back and I do romanticise it in my head a lot

Since 13 week old DS has been around our relationship has been better than ever - we both adore him and have been caring for each other really well.

However, our life before was full of parties and social events and holidays and festivals....life now is more snuggles and bed.

I will never regret having my beautiful DCs.

But do I miss my old life? Hell yes!! I miss sleep. My nights to myself - my body to myself. I miss me time. Social life. Regular exercise. Friends who I've lost through becoming a mum. Freedom.

My relationship with DH has also suffered badly. Both DC don't sleep well and it's killing me - I resent him so much some days, and our day to day life is mostly focused around the kids. We barely have time together as a couple.

Like a PP said, I mourn my old life. But the new one also has moments of wonderful.

Hi

My life before was very different! It was all about me lol. Now it is nothing to do with me!

Used to go on really good holidays and weekend breaks etc. Meals out. Lots of time with friends. Reading books, shopping for things I liked, work meals and socialising, watching tv etc.

Now I have DC aged 3 and 10m. I go to bed at 8 or the latest 9 every single night due to the night wakes. I have almost no time (except for work) where I am not in sole charge of DC - DH tends to work when I am off and vice versa. We have had holidays but they are far from relaxing!

Good things - do lots of kids days out to theme parks, farm parks etc which I wierdly enjoy! I also find my three year old the funniest person I have ever met!

I think I romanticised having kids and didn't realise the reality at all. Maybe it is easier if you have lots of willing support? Plus mine are still very young domaine things will get easier as they get bigger lol

X

We’re planning to TTC in a couple of months and this thread is quite frankly terrifying

I never really did anything before kids. I wasn't the type to take myself off shopping or go and have my hair done on a whim so really little has changed. I never really enjoyed going out drinking either so the loss of nights out hasn't bothered me much. DH was a quiet chap too so whilst we have less 'potential' freedom now it's not like we've lost much. Life is so, so, SO much better with children.out whole lives are about the kids and it gets us out and doing loads more than we ever did. We're parents to an 11, 8 and 5 year old and it is difficult to remember what we did pre-kids at all. It feels like we did nothing. I'm sure that's not the case but I honestly don't feel like I miss a damn thing.

Oh but I do miss my mid twenties body. I can't believe I was a tiny size 8-10 and never appreciated it. I could have dressed better and been more relaxed and confident in the sack for one. Now I'm overweight however that is down to giving up smoking, not bearing children. But now I'm a big girl and yet finally starting to feel relaxed about my body. Funny that. My only regret about my life before kids is being shy and not living life to the full.

Life is better with kids- although it was great before.

The one thing I do miss is travel. Long holidays to far flung places, and many of them.
Exploring remote temples in jungles, climbing volcanoes, swimming with turtles visiting sapphire mines and tea plantations.
Of course that is possible with kids, but much simpler and cheaper before.

I went up to London on Sunday on my own to meet friends and it was so nice to only have myself to worry about. From when the train came in crowded and I started to fret about seats, then remembered there was only me and all I needed was one, to not have to worry about the enormous gap when you get off at Clapham Junction, to getting in a muddle about platforms and going back-and-forth but not caring because no one else was being inconvenienced! It was bliss. I was so engrossed in my book both ways, each time my stop came as a surprise. I said to DH when I got home that it brought back how commuting up to London before I had DC was actually quite nice. But then I don't think I appreciated 40 minutes on a train to sit and read was that much of a treat.

I have never regretted kids. Of course it's hard and there can be resentment, particularly when they were tiny, but DH does his bit and is a fantastic dad. The children are a "shared joy;" he is the only other person who loves them just as much as I do so we feel the same about everything that happens concerning them, and that's a further bond.

I don't have a pre and post baby body.
If anything I am stronger and fitter than I was in my 20s- and still a size 10.
But I work to maintain that.

Life is very different and I miss those days I could just leave the house at a drop of a hat any time of the day or night. It’s certainly a new normal though and you do get used to it (eventually.) Life is enjoyable in new ways. I’ve learnt to no longer mourn the loss of my old life and to make my new life as enjoyable as possible. For instance there are some reminents of it left (when ds naps or goes to sleep me and dh can have alittle time to ourselves.) Once ds starts to go to sleep earlier alittle easier we’ll have date/movie nights and nibbles in the house rather than going for a meal and to the cinema. Also as DS gets older he can come to a lot more places with us alittle easier.
Is having a baby what I thought it would be? No! It’s so much harder x 1 million.
Would I change it? Not at all! The feeling you get for your baby is incredible and like nothing else I’ve ever felt before. You fill with love and the feeling is so intense you could burst. There are many phases and they do pass. Good luck OP

I can remember life pre - kids only too well!

My life has changed so much. A good illustration is the usual post weekend comparison with my young, free and single office mate. Her weekends consist of hanging out with friends, pubs, parties, cinema, shopping, lazy brunches, etc. Mine used to be like that. Now they are about going to the local children's farm, soft play, swings, Disney princesses and playdoh. Life is very different!

We're parents to an 11, 8 and 5 year old and it is difficult to remember what we did pre-kids at all.

I agree with a pp here. You don’t realise all of time you waste doing nothing until you have kids. The things I could have done!

I dont miss anything,.

Yes and I remember always being short of time and not getting around to doing certain jobs. Now I have even less time so sometimes I think back and say of course I had time and had no children. I did work full time though. When my children came along they literally made my life. It was what I wanted and now I enjoy life having them here and taking them on holiday etc etc
Sometimes I think about when they will leave home and hoping they don’t leave too early. Youngest one is only 3

A Vacuum and putting some laundry on isn’t nearly as difficult now as it was before! J can’t believe I used to actually complain about housework pre baby!

I

I can barely remember it! But I love my life now