Can you remember life before the kids came?

[Kitkat369]

Hi, I’m ttc at moment my first and thinking about something my SIL said to me recently about her first where she mentioned she couldn’t remember life prior to daughter coming along. Made me wonder if these is common thing?

I have to say it did freak me out a bit as I do love my selfish independence just hubby and I but then I do get those pangs for wanting to be a mum.

Also how did it affect your relationship with OH once baby came?

Not something I think about OP. We were together for a long time before we had our family.

We are just as happy as a couple and love our sons to bits! Of course in the early days it will put a strain on any relationship as any spontaneous seems to be out of the question.

But even given the sleepless hell ds2 put us through, I don’t have any regrets whatsoever.

Having our children has made our lives, the love we have for them is overwhelming and watching them grow and develop into independent teenagers is wonderful.

Me and dh are strangely even closer now than we were before. Our relationship is better than ever I think because we’ve both grown up a lot.

We’re planning to TTC in a couple of months and this thread is quite frankly terrifying

It won't be terrifying! Before my daughter I had a brilliant career, amazing holidays and great social life. Now I don't have the brilliant career (SAHM and mainly due to being diagnosed with a hideous disease immediately after she was born) but I still have amazing holidays, great social life and a wonderful daughter. I only had one child because of the health issue so life was easier than if I'd had 2 or 3 children.

I was lucky in the sense I had a lot of family help and support, the main way in which my life changed was due to illness (which was the worst hell) and I had to adapt my physical lifestyle.

I actually appreciate that I get more time in the house now. Take today for example. My old life - I would have been making a lengthy stressed journey to work and then would have started work while it was still dark and would have left work when dark (not seeing the light of day.) Now I’m cosy at home having a hot choc waiting for ds to wake up and have been watching the sun come up. I don’t have to go out in the cold unless I wish to take ds on a leisurely stroller walk later and listen to the birds chirping and maybe go to the shops or park. I have time to take in a lot more in some ways than I did before.

Life was significantly less monotonous and I can't believe how much time I had when I thought I had none...

I really, really, really miss being able to relax and not having somebody whine in my face all fucking day long. It drives me completely up the wall. I hate most days at the moment. I wouldn't change having my baby but right now it is the most horrific thing ever.

I DO remember life before children. I think you do unless you have children very young or didn't do/achieve/go anywhere before children.

My children are 16 months and 2.9 years.

Atm I miss....
Being able to get up when I want - children don't get weekends and I'm still always up by 6am.
Being able to sleep ALL night without being woken up - they both still wake up during the night
Freedom to walk out of the house whenever I want with just my car keys and purse and to do it within seconds of deciding I need/want to go out - it takes ages somedays hours to get out!
A tidy and clean home - everything I touch seems to be sticky!
An empty wash basket - I haven't managed to get to the bottom of it since DC1 was born

BUT I wouldn't be without them! I found the 'transition' when DC1 was born REALLY REALLY hard but after about a year I was used to it :)

DH and I were together for 2 years before ttc. We were very happy together. It's now been 11 years since we had our first child and quite honestly we are a million times happier together. There's something to be said for children and shared experiences bringing people closer. Our relationship is significantly better which we didn't think was possible.

My baby is only 7 months old. I was 32 when she was born and we had built up a very selfish lifestyle. I don’t just miss it, I’ve mourned it! And I remember it very well and think about it a lot.
I just didn’t appreciate it at the time.
I’ve forgotten how to relax, I miss lying on the sofa, I miss “nipping” somewhere, reading, silence, lie ins, sleep, spur of the moment going to the gym, out for meals, weekends away. I miss my husband and he’s here but he’s a little bit shit with it all and I’ve had to do way way more than my fair share. I remember the 5 weeks of maternity leave I had before she was born which I didn’t appreciate and spent the whole time desperate to see her.
I love her and wouldn’t not have her though.

This time next year my baby will have left home and his big sis will be living abroad.

The last 20 years has been a wonderful adventure.

The 15 years with DH before that was a blast.

The next 20 years will be a whole new adventure.

Yes. I had 20 years of adulthood life before becoming a parent. It's fine. Still get time to read books, have hobbies just never go out in the evenings but I don't want to anyway :) I have a good balance with work and home.

I think for me the main differences are:

• that I simply have NO idea how I used to fill my time. DH used to come home from work and have an hour's kip because he was tired, haha!
• that DH and I have grown closer because we now have this shared endeavour, whereas if we didn't have kids it would have made it much easier to drift apart when we went through periods of getting on each other's nerves. There's nothing quite like someone loving your kids as much as you do to build affection between you.

Before I had my son me and my bf would go away somewhere every weekend. I do miss that. Not because of the lack of alone time but just the fact you could get up and go with limited planning. No worries about a day bag etc. I do miss working full time aswell. Before my son I used to work 50 hour weeks now I can only work part time so we have someone here for the kids. My bf works 6 days a week so we can take the kids out and save for holidays. One thing that annoys me is he expects me to do everything else. I m@y only work part time but I do have a medical condition that makes me exhausted pretty easier and since having kids has increased. In general I have an excellent long term memory and can remember most thing from before the kids were born.

I do remember my life before kids but it almost feels like it happened to someone else. Kids alter your perception so much, it's kind of like being reprogrammed. I do wonder what I used to do with my time! I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss being able to do what I want when I want (mainly sleeeep ) but my kids are so wonderful and life-enriching, it's totally worth it.

Relationship with DH? We're a bit more snippy with each other due to tiredness, and our love-life is out the window , but otherwise I think our mutual love and respect have deepened watching the other care for our shared little people.

So much to remember before I had kids how could I forget!

I had been widowed, divorced, bought and sold 4 properties, flown 200 times, been on countless holidays, had 5 different company cars.

A lot to forget even if I tried.

Yes, I remember life before the children. More sleep, money, time and freedom.

That said, I would never go back. I love having children and they bring a lot of joy to my life. I'm dreading the transition back to an empty nest when the time comes though. I think that will be a lot harder.

I have to say the empty nest thing doesn't trouble me. My kids are on the brink- youngest is 17, and I have lots of plans for the future.
I have a brilliant relationship with my kids, but also lots of exciting stuff in my own life. Like a PP I had 20 years as a child free adult before my kids came along, and it was a busy and fulfilling time.
Once the kids fly, it will be back to that status again.

I remember well the freedom and peace and quiet before kids. Sometimes I fantasise about retirement to experience that again! We had a lot of great times in our 20's and I do miss having so much time to spend on ourselves. We thought we were busy but it was different, we were 'busy' doing our own things. Now we are busy using every second of our time and energy for absolutely essential things and most of all the kids. We aren't free now to do as we please really at all. But that's ok because for now the kids need us.

But yes I do remember well life before kids. It was deliciously self indulgent. I miss it a lot but don't regret the kids.

DH and I were just talking about this last night. We can’t believe how much time we had before we had children, what were we doing with it!? I reminded dh we used to watch 5 episodes of breaking bad back to back and he said he thought that was a bit of a sad waste of time 😆 it was nice though. Our relationship can be quite practical now, we have two children so it’s often divide and conquer. We aren’t very good at doing date nights or anything but our children are very young so it’s tricky to figure out. But having children has brought us closer together, I love the evening when we’ve finally got them to sleep and we get into bed and then spent ages sharing anicdotes and photos we’ve taken of them during the day. My DH says having children is the most incredible thing that’s ever happened to him, it’s hard work and a massive sacrifice but it doesn’t have to mean your relationship falls apart.

We aren’t very good at doing date nights or anything but our children are very young so it’s tricky to figure out.

Literally me and dh struggle to stay up past 9pm now. By time we get ds to sleep at about 8.30 we end up going to bed ourselves and crashing not long after. We stayed up until 12pm the other night and it bloody killed us!

We’re waiting for ds to sleep better and early and maybe we can have a date night then!!

12am rather*

@pastabest are you me? My DP and I were together 3 months when we fell pregnant. DC2 born recently and still very happy. You’re so right, having no expectations of each other before hand worked wonderfully.

OP, I know I used to have time to play with, now life never stops. I just don’t know how I occupied all those hours before my DC came along!

HughLauriesStubble Haha what I wouldn’t give to be bored...

I said something similar to my husband the other week. It was a weekend night and we were at home, I think the baby had fallen asleep on my and my DS was watching a film with us.

I said how happy I felt and how it's weird that I couldn't imagine my old weekends anymore. We used to go to the pub together most weekends, we have fun, but I don't miss it.

You kinda forget things in a nice way, not like you forget your identity. Like gosh what would I be doing if I didn't have my babies? Nope I prefer it with them 🙂

Good luck TTC xxx