Help please-sex offenders could they become a parent or not? Friends husband in jail

[Lotty1880]

So my friends husband is currently serving a jail sentence for a previous relationship she had no knowledge of. The girl was between 14-15, when he married his now wife the girl reported him. Trial, guilty plea and now servicing a sentence. They have not been married long and it’s very testing as you can imagine. If she sticks by him what’s the chances of them being able to have a family?

The fact he abused a position of power makes it worse. Social services will be involved from birth or before and will probably carry out an assessment.
The baby may not be removed but there may be conditions. The fact he was a teacher may make them more likely to remove.

If he is facing such a sentence in willing to bet its been published. People don't like paedophiles and may target them, people may also be equally horrified if they see that person with a baby. Does she really want that hassle?

I have a child around that age and no way is she mature enough to consent to a relationship of this kind. Is grooming and if one of my kids teachers did this I would want to make sure he never went near a child again.

I certainly wouldn't want to sleep with someone who I assume has raped a child.

Lotty1880, you have all the facts now to go back to your friend.
You have been a good friend to try and stay unemotional about it and present the facts, I appreciate it is hard.

The thing for me that stands out is if she has a child how can she be 100% certain that child will be safe 100% of the time and then all his/her friends will be safe 100% of the time. If something did happen how would she every forgive herself. She would be obliged to disclose it to all family & friends with children.

If you have children then there is no way your friendship could remain in tact.

I hope that she does not waste her life on this. Hopefully she will process this information and move on.

*never

You do not get jail time for consensual relationships (that both participants say was consensual) where the party under 16 is over 13 and the other party is only in their twenties. To serve jail time there will have been other factors.

I know this because a friend of mine was arrested for having a relationship with a 15 year old girl when he was in his early 20s. It was not reported by the girl herself but by her parents after she had told a friend and the friend had told the parents. The girl herself said it was consensual.

He served no jail time at all but was put on the sex offenders register and had to attend counselling for many years.

He is now married and has children. They dont have any social services involvement beyond one assesment when the wife was pregnant.

If your friends husband has actually spent time in jail its because they believed it was not consensual, a breach of a position of trust and therefore coercion, or the girl must have been younger than 13. All of which are pretty horrific.

I think your friends husband is misrepresenting the situation to her.

Why would the girl have reported it to the police if it were a mutually enjoyed relationship? obv she has been harmed by it and felt under pressure in some way.

Why would the girl have reported it to the police if it were a mutually enjoyed relationship? obv she has been harmed by it and felt under pressure in some way.

She was incredibly brave to come forward and relive it all. I hope seeing justice served has helped her to move on from this but the reality is it will always be there. This girl should have been safe at school - she should have been safe with her teacher. Your friend really does need to think about the enormity of what her husband took from this child.

What a hideous situation for the friend. I can see why she would want to clutch at straws but she needs the situation made clear.

If she attempts to have kids with him she is going to have this situation hanging over him. Social services may or may not feel he is a threat to child and they may or may not feel she is a protective influence.

But really it doesn’t end there. Who wants to be NCT friends with a child rapist and his wife? Who wants their toddlers’ playmates to have a live in father who did what he did? What Parents are ever going to allow their children to come on play dates to her house? Who is going to encourage their teen daughter to be friends with hers? The child may be bullied about it.

Alternative she can have a family without all of this crappy stuff hanging over her all the time. Divorce him, move on, find a good sensible man who will be a great father and have kids with him.

Ok thanks all. I’ll give her information and not get involved, I can’t discuss this or don’t discuss it to anyone so this has been a place to come get advice which I have appreciated. I should of prepared myself for some of the comments and can see how this subject would raise them, sorry if I have been defensive I just have no other situation to compare this to. I suppose the selling house and divorcing whilst someone is in prison is taking it too far for my advice but it comes from a good place inside me. Hopefully I can talk through the future an she’ll see sense and find someone she deserves and isn't damange too much by this herself.

I need to step away really i’ve found it consuming. I think about the victim and her life since, 10 years to come forward must of took a lot of bravery and even then i’m not sure you could recover from that.

The only cases I know where the teacher arrested got ad much as five years was in the case of sustained grooming and repeated rape.

As a woman, why would you want to bring a child into the world who has to say, Hey, My dad's a child abuser.

Seriously. Nothing more to it than that. Having a baby with him is the last thing she should be doing. How awful for her child. Tell her to wake the fuck up and get out of there. Don't really care how lovely he is now, or how sorry etc etc.

I think it was repeated as it was over a period of time. So therefore not a one off incident and that impacted the sentance as well as his position of being a teacher. All wrong and ample opportunity to realise its illigal and wrong and seek counselling or something. She’s married a fraud he thought this would never come out. What if they had a child and that was when he was arrested. It’s bad enough now.

So i’ll bring this up, I think there might have to be a large glass of wine involved and repeated conversations and when it’s all out there I will leave her to decide what the future holds.

Wow this thread is so depressing, To hear that actually a paedophile is allowed to have a kid and live within the family home with the child is utterly disgusting
Children are treated so low down at the bottom of this society it pisses me off they dont get the protection they require.
Sorry just had to vent this made me really fucking angry.

Lotty Good luck.

If being around all this is affecting you, you may want to give Rape Crisis a call. Other people's situations can bring back all sorts of unresolved issues. It took me 20 years to seek help for rape and RC have been brilliant.

Requested to close this as wouldn’t want to reveal too much in case of identification. Appreciate all the support, links and comments which I have saved.