Help please-sex offenders could they become a parent or not? Friends husband in jail

[Lotty1880]

So my friends husband is currently serving a jail sentence for a previous relationship she had no knowledge of. The girl was between 14-15, when he married his now wife the girl reported him. Trial, guilty plea and now servicing a sentence. They have not been married long and it’s very testing as you can imagine. If she sticks by him what’s the chances of them being able to have a family?

There is no choices to make right now whatsoever. It’s information. And I believe it will push her out of the marriage I just want to obtain it black and white. Please do not presume my view point or motive.

MinorRSole I mirror your view point however I want to convince her with some facts/influence that this will never be ok

Reread your own opening post Lotty. You refer to the sexual offences against a child as a "relationship". You say it's "testing" for their marriage. You ask what are their chances of being able to have a family. In a later post you say that this poor woman met a boy, fell in love and now she doesn't know whether she can have the life she planned with him.

You can't now switch tack and pretend your sole purpose in this thread was to find concrete deterrents to stop her from making a terrible mistake.

The police described it as a relationship. I apologise for using the wrong terminology in terms of what it’s like for her. Soul destroying confusing and sickening sums it up ok for you? I just asked a question and wanted to comments jumping over me to go away. Thanks for yours.

The belief tends to be regarded offenders will be less likely to target their own children and the fact that the other parent is aware affords a level of protection. SS will want to know the innocent parent is going to take steps to reduce risk and is not going to minimise.

In short the crime you've described may mean they come under some scrutiny but won't automatically mean the offender.is removed or the child taken away.

the above is not a reflection of what I think is right in situations like this. Simply a statement about some of the things that can happen.

I would like to reiterate it would be years before she could be in this position if at all and I don’t want her to waste her life on a glimmer of hope things might work out. I don’t really need to justify myself to you. I have some information and will continue to research and help someone in need. Thanks for the few useful comments and scroll on next time for the ones of no use.

Sorry but it's not necessary desperation that would mean they could say he would be a risk to his own child. It's perfectly possible following a full assessment that they may decide he's not a risk to his own child. Without sounding crass many child abusers have children an don't abuse their own children.

If they have child it's likely they will be referred to social services who will assess and try to determine risk. If they see him as risky they will ask the mother to leave and cease contact. If she doesn't they will likely remain very actively involved or look to remove the child from her care.

FFS you've been told repeatedly that there may be SS involvement but there is absolutely no guarantee that any child will be removed. He may well be free to have children and keep them.

What did you expect, posting this on MN? Most people here care more about child endangerment than they do about your feelings, or your inexplicably foolish friend.

Thank you bufferingkisses-I should of put a disclaimer like you have which would of perhaps avoided some of the unrequired opinions/statements/anger.

Greensleeves scroll on next time

Yes sourpatch, if SS become involved they will carry out a full parenting assessment. Which is a very flawed, inconsistent and unsatisfactory process and will not give much useful insight into the child's future safety at all. They will establish that the child is not likely to be starved, abandoned or injured in the immediate future. The system is stretched to breaking point in many areas and in a case like this, SS may well leave a child in considerable danger of harm because of pressure and underfunding.

I also found quite a lot of posts on MN on this topic however none that gave me information I was looking for. Goodnight.

Worked with sex offenders. If their preferred age is 8-10 or 12- 15 it will always be that. It's like saying you can no longer date blonde people or red heads. Leave him. Even if he wouldn't abuse own children having children brings children to him. It would be end of the road for me.

I don't think anybody should "scroll on" where people are condoning child sex offenders playing happy families, personally. Don't like other people's opinions, don't post on an open forum.

Not true. I've known sex offenders who preferred both sexes, all ages, wherever and whenever the opportunity arises.

Greensleaves the long reply you have put above is the only useful comment you have made on this so thanks for that.

Never have I condoned it. That’s insulting

Every time I think I've seen it all on MN, someone comes along to make me reconsider that conclusion. FFS, if this isn't a windup...

Op you are asking for information that can't be given! No one can say what will or won't happen in a hypothetical situation in the future! I would suggest that your friend focus on now! I would suggest she gets in touch with a councillor/ charity to support her the immediate shock and help her make decisions about what she wants for the future! I can't see how planning a hypothetical future is helpful!

With all due respect op, the responses on here are mild in comparison to what your friend will face in real life. If he's been to jail it will be in the public domain. People will know. She chooses to have children with a known and convicted paedophile than she chooses a life of being, quite rightly, judged for her choice.

What's she going to say to her child when they want a friend over to play? Or is she planning to put other people's children at risk too?

Well, I guess that depends on your definition of "helpful". I'm not here to make you feel better. This situation and your friend's attitude utterly disgusts me.

I’m ignoring anything greensleeves says but thanks to the others. I’ll leave it there as don’t feel anything else will be constructive.

Handsofmysweets. Thanks it’s good to have a real life examplemto tell her so she knows, i’m Hoping this will bring her out of the shock and I can help her rebuild a life and meet someone new.

Oh no, a stranger on the internet doesn't like me

Get your friend to ring SS herself and ask for some concrete information. She may be able to get an interview with a CP social worker who can explain the process to her and what is likely to happen in the area she lives in if a pregnancy goes ahead. She needs hard facts from someone who is a position to give them to her. And SS need the heads-up that they may need to act quickly.