Help please-sex offenders could they become a parent or not? Friends husband in jail

[Lotty1880]

So my friends husband is currently serving a jail sentence for a previous relationship she had no knowledge of. The girl was between 14-15, when he married his now wife the girl reported him. Trial, guilty plea and now servicing a sentence. They have not been married long and it’s very testing as you can imagine. If she sticks by him what’s the chances of them being able to have a family?

There is a man who has been sent to prison for his relationship with a young child. He paints a very different story of what happened - 'he was a bad boy (old man) and got into a bit of trouble (raped a child)' His wife is very much convinced he's innocent despite all evidence to the contrary.

Visits with family are a nightmare. They can't see her alone, if he isn't invited then she won't go. Everyone has to accept him and pretend he's innocent. She will leave him alone with the grandchildren even though the kids parents have told her they want him nowhere near their children because she knows he wouldn't never do anything like that, because the child seduced him! They have lost their mum, sister, gran and aunt. She thinks they are very unreasonable and making things difficult.

All I can say is even though it's the husband that committed the crime - the wife seems almost as bad. I have absolutely no respect whatsoever for his wife. She's putting him before all her family and ignoring the real threat he still poses to young children. He's not been magically cured.

I feel there's either quite a bit you're not telling us here. Or that you're friend hasn't told you. If it was a "consensual" relationship between a 22 year old and a 15 year old, which had the blessing of her family, whilst it's still abhorrent and criminal, I'm dubious that it would warrant a prison sentence for a number of years. Men who commit prolonged abuse against very young children normally unfortunately only get a few years in prison these days. What part of the story is missing op?

Although that’s just what I’ve seen on tv ... so not really credible I guess.

Have to agree with @LemonysSnicket . If he's likely to be out in a few years and has already served some time (have a year in my head but on phone so can't check) then his initial sentence was likely around 8 years.
Was the child 14/15 when it happened or when she reported it?

Sorry, i meant @twattymctwatterson

He was a teacher.

But the story doesn’t matter I suppose right now. And I don’t want to elaborate really. I’ve found some responses really useful and will try and get the information across in the right way.

When it happened

He must have been newly qualified - she was a pupil then? It must have not been long before he met your friend if he's 22 now - the ages don't match up really. 18 + 3 year degree + 1 year teacher training? Is there a faster route to teaching?

He was 22 at the time she was 14-15 and he was working in a school of some capacity. I do not wish to reveal specifics but he was arrested in his thirties

If he was a teacher, I suspect that does matter, as it then becomes abuse of a position of authority as well as sex offences or rape of a child. I would recommend your friend mentions this when seeking advice from the professional bodies precious posters have mentioned.

Needless to say, I find this whole situation abhorrent. If your friend goes ahead with this plan, she's setting herself up for a life of misery. I can't imagine any child of theirs would be getting many invitations to play dates or party invitations accepted. Once the child got into their teens, I would imagine it would become very concerning for the OP as if the child does have female friends, she would then surely be afraid to put the child at risk.

@Greensleeves- that bit is true- but from what the OP has stated, the parents were aware and approved of the relationship (implied approval as they didn’t stop it or contact the police) although only his word for that. I’d be interested in the length of sentence- and I don’t understand how your friend doesn’t have details of what he’s accused of- is he not telling her? I agree with contacting SS and asking what the likely process would be, if that’s what she wants. But hopefully she can find a way to leave him, as this is t something that’s going to go away. Other parents will not want their children around her, friends will not want to be associated with her. Is she willing to give up everything. Including future employment potentially, for him?

The offence was around 10 years ago.

My friend has all the details of everything as was there for the court case and barrister discussions. I just haven5 published everything here. 5 year sentance. Apparently the fact it was a ‘relationship’ makes it worse as there was several opportunities to realise it’s illigal and wrong as opposed to a once off incident in the laws eyes. Yes the teacher part makes it miles worse.

It's really sickening, sounds like virtually the minute he got access to school children he moved in on one and began abusing her. What were his reasons for becoming a teacher I wonder. Was he still teaching up until
his arrest? How sure is your friend that there is only this 1 victim?

The fact it was some sort of relationship shows to me he had ample opportunity to realise this is wrong and also should of known better. They broke up the continued their lives he got married later in life to my friend and that’s when the girl contacted him and went to the police and reported him. He admitted the relationship and there was court appearances and the sentence. All rather horrific for my friend but the worst isn't over and I have to convince her of that.

The NSPCC runs a group assessment in some areas of the country which asses women in your friends situation who have gone on to have dc. In other areas an organization called circles south east, in other areas social care are likely to carry out an assessment. The women are assessed for ten weeks in a group, they look at sex offenders in general and then their situation, they look at safety planning, victim impact and future impact. It is hard stuff and often has a real impact.
She can have a dc with a sex offender, women do, often unknowingly, but staying in a relationship is hard on the women. Does she want to be the mum whose child can never have a sleepover at their house, whose dad can't come to sports day or the first school play? There is a risk other parents will find out if it has been in the paper, school gossip is unforgiving. partner as a birthing partner, probably not happening. Just a few things for her to think about.

I’m not sure and it’s very hard to address with her as I fear I could lose a friend if I am not patient and chip away with some info to prise her away.

I hope you can get your friend to see sense OP.

Just to be clear these groups aren't universal, just something she could have to deal with. Not an ideal activity when you just want to be happily pregnant or snuggled with a young baby.

Lotty, there may come a point where you need a break for your own wellbeing. Please step away if you need to.

Ask her how she would explain to her child, a Dd perhaps, how Daddy was in prison for having sex with a 14 yo.

DivisionBelle Yes, that's a good idea, brilliant. Simply genius.

Tell your lovely friend, who is considering staying with a child rapist, to imagine the girl being her daughter and then see if she changes her mind about wanting to be with him. If she doesn't, then she's a fucking idiot too.

He touches children. He should never be allowed near kids ever again.