Terrible twos / threenager support thread

[Belleende]

Hello all,

Thought I would start this and see where is goes. I am mum to 2 DDS. One 7 weeks and one 2.5. currently on mat leave.

My DD1 has always been a lively high energy kid, but has lately been incredibly challenging. Last week it took me 1.5 hours to get her into her clothes and out the door. I started a thread here and got great support.

There are lots of separate threads with good advice on, but I thought it might be helpful to have a go to place for help support and advice on dealing with the daily challenges of toddler wrangling.

My current challenges include, how to get dressed without a drama, how to manage transitions without meltdowns, to nap or not to nap, how to maintain sanity when toddler asks for a bath and then refuses to get in it, how to keep it light and playful when you are feeling just short of murderous.

Say howdy if you think this might be useful and we can go from there.

How is everyone doing with their little cherubs?!

We endured a 40 minute wait at the doctors earlier - went from fairly ok, happily playing children, to bored, squabbling, scratching, biting children 😩 DS2 doesn't seem to have an ear infection so his constantly streaming nose and high temperature must just be a cold or bug of some sort. I've got to go for blood tests and a chest x Ray. No idea when to fit those in as DP goes off on a stag do tomorrow morning, back Sunday night...

HV suggested 'time out' for bad behaviour, I'm going to set that up from tonight. I know they wouldn't sit quietly anywhere yet but will set the playpen back up and get a timer for the 2 minute time out. I am just sick and fed up of them picking at each other, distraction works but I can't do it constantly, especially not when I'm on my own. They aren't listening to 'no' any more but perhaps this will do the trick!

Ruby will you put them in the playpen for time out? I always wonder how people enforce the naughty step.

I'm struggling a bit. Ds1 (2yrs 7 months ( is pusHong my buttons. Often it's not anything all that bad but he will not listen/stop when I ask. For example, I was putting him to bed the other night. The last thing we do us cudale and sing a little song I made up . He chooses whof I sing it to ("baby" his name, teddy etc ( it's lovely. Except on this occasion he wouldn't leave my hair and face alone. Pulling at my hair (was in pony tail and was pulling the head but not the tail bit ( putting his finger up his nose then mine. I told him several times to stop, and why and he just carried on. I shouted. Just stop it. He cried. Bedtime had to be restarted firstly to settle him and to ease my guilt. I need tactics to deal with this apparenyear minor stUff. I can't let it all go . But he takes no notice at all.

Uugh nose poking, hair faffing, poking all my facial features til I name them. Today he kissed me and bit my lip. I know he doesn't fully understand it hurts. I told him off then my sister tried to because it was on her house. Ggrrrrr. Also headbutted me earlier, I admit I tapped his thigh just enough to make him startle as he finds head banging funny and it doesn't hurt him like me. Sometimes I just want to say please don't touch me

Sooo, today I bit the bullet and went and had a coil fitted (they don't do vasectomies any more apparently). The lovely lady doc told me to keep doing the pelvic floor exercises as I have a slack vagina (what every girl wants to hear). I relayed this to dp, unfortunately within ear shot of DD1. Who is now running round the house saying slack vagina mummy, with the clearest of annunciation. Visiting nurseries this weekend should be fun.

Just say yes babybelle, we need to go back to Chine / polish the China / sack Virginia / that is a slack recliner in the hope she'll "correct" herself lol

Just read through this thread, it's incredibly reassuring! Two DC here - 3.5 year old DS and 4 month old DD. Current themes from DS include toilet regression, mummy obsession, not wanting to leave the house and phases of whining/screaming. I find the behaviour more challenging now than when he was 2. Back then it was fairly simple to understand, eg he wants chocolate, I say no, he has a tantrum.

These days things seem more emotionally complex. I can't figure out what is causing the behaviour and it drives me crazy. Eg. is the toilet regression a delayed reaction to having a new sibling, and if so how do I deal with it? I don't want to further stress him out, yet he also seems to not care very much about the accidents so I don't feel I can ignore it. Does he not want to leave the house because it's winter, or because he just wants to play with his toys or has he developed an aversion to large groups of people? It's all a mystery to me.

Good tip sleeping, although dp is now asking how my shiny China is doing, and am I doing my shiny China exercises.

Oooh baby can we get out the shiny china tonight

Once you do your exercises it'll be white China

Aubergines that sounds really tough! I hope it's just a phase for your DS.
Yesterday DD napped for 2 hours, I should have been tidying or doing something but instead I went and had a nap too , then I wonder why my house is a mess.
I find myself buying her a new toy every week to keep her entertained! Thank God I'm at work most of the time otherwise I'd be skint!

Roll on summer when we can lock send them all outside!

DS had a two hour nap, but out the house so I had a panini to myself. No one stole my bacon.

Left toddler with Nanny, off to my counselling session :(

Welcome Aubergines :)

Hope it goes well Sleeping

So funny Bellende DS pronounces 'fish' as 'shiit' ...nursery has goldfish. I predict lots of shouting of 'The shit! The shiit!' Next week.

DH has been on annual leave this week so we've had a really nice week with DS visiting all the grandparents, farms etc...uni on the other hand i'm finding super difficult so I guess it balances out.

Notta, yes, the playpen will be for time outs (otherwise I don't think they will stay anywhere for 2 minutes!) - bought an egg timer too for it. I am so sick and tired of them scratching, biting and kicking each other - 'no', explaining why, using gentle hands etc isn't working so my next tactic is to physically separate them when if they are naughty. I know it's common twin behaviour but my HV's only advice was to keep distracting them. Good in theory but how does it apply to the real world when I have to cook/ wash up/ go to the toilet occasionally?!

At least you gave me a laugh today Belle, thank you DP is away on a stag do, the DCs refused to nap today, I still feel like utter poo (can't even get through the day without strong painkillers - waiting for blood test and chest x ray results) and altogether I am a woman at the end of my tether and desperate for baby bedtime...

Hope they go down soon

They are in bed. I am in the next room listening out in case I hear "Mum-MEE!" for the 5000th time today

So far it is reward chart 4 - time outs 4 😂

DS2 is sad and grumpy, I was going to take them to a little soft play area at a local farm but all he wants to do is watch Peppa. No idea how to entertain them for the rest of the day

Mine is refusing to nap. Suggested DH takes him in pushchair on bus. Come back from helping set up nieces party - they went for a walk around the estate. Literal walk so no chance of nap. He won't nap in the house. Party starts at 8, he's notmally asleep by then. My sisters intend to keep theirs at the party til midnight and im thinking homr by 9 at latest. Am I mean??

Of course not. Mine are horrid by 7pm regardless of naps (currently in the bath!). Without a nap it would be 6 latest before they turned into unbearable overtired children!

Got a three year old here, she's refusing to do anything today because her dad had work all day and won't be back till around 10 tonight. So she's been stuck with me all day, seems to pick whether mummy or daddy are her favourite depending on the day and she's made it quite clear it's not me today. By teatime she was absolutely miserable. Didn't want pasta even though it's her favourite, threw it on the floor on the nice clean carpet and screamed as loud and as long as she could. Anyone would have thought she was being murdered not been given her favourite food. Poor thing's warn herself out and she's now asleep on the sofa.

I hope you're having a peaceful now Used?!

DS1 threw a corker of a tantrum today when I tried to bring him indoors at the farm we'd gone to - it was freezing cold, I was starving and he was overdue a nappy change, but would he leave the ruddy sandpit?! Not until I carried him away screeching and thrashing with rage...

He's now been in bed 2.5 hours and STILL isn't asleep. DS2 went off ages ago!

Well hecwas absolutely manic, happy but manic. Needed both parents largely and Daddy mostly, wouldn't sit down just wanted to walk between his marked points,won't go to anyone not that anyone else is crazy enough to offer. Put in buggy at 9 so we could eat, taxi called sure 9.30,',, home and sleep in 15 minutes.

Aubergines here (have NC). DS (3.5) has been mostly pleasant the last few days. He has even happily gone out to a few places, including the playground - we haven't been there since before Christmas! Currently sat down with a cup of tea for the daily viewing of Cars 2. I should really be getting some housework done, but am desperate for a break - DS is still very mummy focused . He follows me everywhere, including when I'm trying to put DD down for a nap , and wants me to play with him constantly. DD (5 months) is teething, so I have now given up on evenings as she won't stay asleep without me there. Housework is running away from me. In a fit of desparation/guilt, I set up some "wholesome activities" for DS over the last week. I now have things like cardboard boxes, empty plastic bottles etc scattered around.

On the plus side, we are doing better on the toileting front. I made a Paw Patrol reward chart at the weekend (and consequently got nothing else done), so he seems a bit more motivated now as he'll get a toy for every few days he goes without having an accident.

Sounds like some progress x

Up till 5.30 we had had quite a pleasant day. Just to remind me that DC are hard work, DS1 has had a half hour tizzy half an hour of him screaming, sobbing and panicking over nothing - sigh...

I feel like I have been buried alive. An insomniac limpet 3 month old, plus bored and hyperactive toddler plus snow, ice and sub zero temperatures whilst living in a small house with partner working from home feels v claustrophobic. I just feel blank.

I have had no more than 2hrs sleep per night for 4 nights now. Toddler wanted a fucking pancake at 3am last night.

Don't have babies in November

Ouch Belle, I feel for you, especially as my DP was incredibly grumpy when he WFH to 'help' with the babies... I had baby twins to cope with, was recovering from (three lots of!) major surgery and he would rip my head off if I asked him to help me carry a baby in from the car...

Could you get out tomorrow to a playgroup? That's what's been keeping me sane - too cold for our usual walks/ trips to the park. I know it's supposed to be even colder though

Good luck, and I hope you get more sleep tonight!