Terrible twos / threenager support thread

[Belleende]

Hello all,

Thought I would start this and see where is goes. I am mum to 2 DDS. One 7 weeks and one 2.5. currently on mat leave.

My DD1 has always been a lively high energy kid, but has lately been incredibly challenging. Last week it took me 1.5 hours to get her into her clothes and out the door. I started a thread here and got great support.

There are lots of separate threads with good advice on, but I thought it might be helpful to have a go to place for help support and advice on dealing with the daily challenges of toddler wrangling.

My current challenges include, how to get dressed without a drama, how to manage transitions without meltdowns, to nap or not to nap, how to maintain sanity when toddler asks for a bath and then refuses to get in it, how to keep it light and playful when you are feeling just short of murderous.

Say howdy if you think this might be useful and we can go from there.

Most of my friends are childless and those with DC DDs age don't understand at all, it's all "oh but she'll be ok" or "x has just done this, he shouldn't know that for another x amount of months yet" which is crushingly hard, but I smile and pretend I'm pleased their child can write their name when mine doesn't even say hers yet.

Well they suck.

I thought gallery, coffee etc as its less obvious the difference in those kind of things but now sense your friends will be discussing their childs advanced understanding of Picasso 😵😵

I'm usually ok, it's just annoyed me that a woman I met in hospital who had her DS on the same day I had DD is boasting that he can write his name and spell it at 2.7 and my DD doesn't even recognise herself in a photo yet! I cried so much

Sending you lots of virtual hugs Three (and virtual !) - some days are harder than others, I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

I worry about DS1 so much, my friend who has a DS exactly the same age often tells me about his cute little sentences. Sentences!! We don't even have words yet...

Is there anyone nearby who could help you with hospital appointments? Or any local groups that are for children with similar conditions, if it would help you to talk to people in the same boat? I've noticed that we have some SEN groups nearby and some places have special SEN sessions, depending on how DS1 develops
I might look into it further.

And your MIL probably means well but her comments aren't exactly helpful (hospital appointments aren't fun but they are necessary!) - FIL often starts his very annoying remarks with "in my day" - I really have to bite my tongue sometimes...

I do want some sort of group, or somewhere I can chat to other parents but I can never find one nearby. I'm not even sure how you go about finding them if I'm honest.

Three . Would your health visitor know about groups? Mine put me onto a local twin club.

Where I am the local childress centres run groups. I'm quite rural and fall on the border of 3 areas so have a few to pick from. Also there are groups at the Tesco community room, there's organised stuff like baby /toddler sensory, etc. A play group at the Brewers Fayre /premier Inn.

I've had a day alone today. Stbxh had the children. It was the baby's 1st birthday. I didn't think it would bother me but I've been sad. More at the lack of a "family" than the birthday (I celebrated yesterday) I think.

Sorry to hear you've had a hard day three. Your DD sounds lovely and it is hard to not compare to others.

Had a good day today apart from DD sitting in a puddle at the park.

Notta sorry to hear you have missed the babies 1st birthday today. Must be hard!

Have you tried looking at your local town and county council websites Three? Mine are useful and gave me some local organisations to contact. Facebook is another good one for searching for local/ national groups to join. Or of course Google might come up with something handy!

If there are any local soft play/ park/ other activity areas you'd like to go to, it's worth contacting them to see if they have any SEN provision - a lot of places now do a dedicated session - might not be often but once a week/ month is better than not at all.

Sorry to hear you have been sad too Notta! Hope you are enjoying a peaceful and if nothing else. Do you find the playgroups helpful to distract your DS1 from the baby? It must be really hard constantly watching them. Mine fight like cat and dog

Big bug hugs Three. Toddler2.8 has no words and there's my NCT kids singing along to Status Quo and reading along to books (memorized not actual reading). Bleurgh. He can do lots of awesome things, he's been through so so much more, sometimes its just about celebrating the small things. Today he signed "cake" for the first time. Then "more cake", the little sugar fiend.

We have a specialist health visitor, and she got us into the local sn group although you graduate if you walk so we can no longer go. And we don't qualify for speech classes because he is simultaneously too developed and not developed enough

Nottalotta hugs and

Thanks, I think I felt worse last night as Ds1 decided to stay at his nannies where hed been seeing his dad for the day. I don't mind him staying at all but it's a long quiet day then a quiet night. Something to be enjoyedone really!

Sleeping I don't know your ds history. Ds1 didn't speak until he was 2yrs 4 months. I saw a salt drop in session who concluded that he had a significant delay. He had a hearing test which we didnt finish as he lost interest in it but concluded he had congestion behind each ear. Then one day, he just started. And hasn't stopped.

I have some signing books , several, if anyone is interested I'll post them. They're brand new.

Ru by I don't really do groups anymore. I did regularly when Ds1 was small, and when ds2 was first born but now Ds1 goes to pre school twice a week we really struggle to fit any in. I do like to meet up with a friend if I can though, so the children can play and I get a coffee and chat in relative peace!

He babbled only slightly behind schedule at 10 months then he was hospitalised and intubated a week in for a week. When they took it out he refused to talk and they told me it was just sore but it never came back. At 2.8 years we have uh and variations there of. There is some differentiation that is meaningful- "ooh air" is blue chair but could also be flew there or grew hair if you get what I mean. If he counts there's odd numbers like "icks" that are clear or "uhuh" which are correct in terms of syllables (six and seven).
We are just forever told it takes time

It's hard not to worry isn't it? Ds1 babbled, and did mamma and the very occasional word (never to be repeated) at the normal time. Then......nothing. Later he started with the 'uh' and pointing at stuff. Didn't say mamma or anything like it. He had no lack of understanding though, just no words. He seemed to be very bright, but very quiet. It's like a floodgate has opened now . I think, for some reason, that it was a confidence thing. Hl

Do you think there's a connection to the tube? Has he had a hearing test?

Hearing is spot on. Ironic really as DH uses hearing aids and my hearing isnt brill. We assumed he would have dodgy hearing but though they tested extra its fine.
I suspect some damage from the tube bit of course you cant ask him if it hurts etc. He also has perpetually swollen tonsils over the last year which I think can't help his speech or eating (tube fed for 90% of cals) plus NG til 15 months, months of vomits etc. Its all so complicated to unpick.

He is trying to talk and I take that as a huge indicator that he will to some degree or another in time. My fear id damage from itubation causing irreparable damage.

Oh and wonky chromosomes just to confuse everyone more

Hugs to everyone else who is struggling.

I tried the sitting with me for 60 seconds thing that someone mentioned above when DS started hitting, but he spent the time trying to hit and then when the time ended started hitting again. I think he just enjoys the reaction he gets, and seeing me wound up. I am firm, I am strict but that's not enough for him. Maybe it's because he's with me all day everyday as he isn't like this with people he doesn't see regularly.

We're lucky we got to school on time today as he would not get into the pushchair, he kept pulling my glasses off so I couldn't see what I was doing!

Yet last week we were in a restaurant and someone actually came up on their way out to say how lovely he is and commented on how well behaved he was! He really does go from one extreme to the other!

Hi everyone thank you for all the lovely messages back about DD.

She is such a worry.For those new to the group she is 2.7 but has a global developmental delay, they initially thought around 6 months but it's not looking likely she's more like 9-12 months behind. She also has glue ear but they're saying it's not serious, won't give her grommets and say it's not causing her speech delay...yeah ok. She has a squint in her eye but we expected that as I was born with one. It doesn't affect her sight though, so we're not concerned about that. She's also asthmatic, she suffered with bronchilitis aged 16m was admitted to PICU at the local hospital and spent 4 days on oxygen, which they're saying hasn't caused the GDD but may have made it worse or sped up the damage caused by it. The asthma is a result of repeated chest infections after the bronchilitis which damaged her airways. She has hip dysplasia when she was born but it recently corrected itself. Some of you might recognize the story as i've posted about her before under various usernames.

She does talk but most of it is unintelligible babble which is a good sign she will talk. She's quite small for her age though which the Paeds is a bit worried about and she didn't walk until 23 months. She was diagnosed with the GDD 3 days shy of her 2nd birthday .

She is hilariously funny though. She knows her animal noises and will sometime walk round pretending to be a monkey or she'll walk round licking you then bark like MILs dog does. She knows sign language and will sign when she wants something.

I know she'll be ok eventually but the here and now can be awful and worrying. And no-one else seems to understand. Will definitely look into parent groups even if I have to move my shifts at work to go.

Three not sure how helpful my "expert" opinion hahaha is but dp you mean nasal prong o2 rather than ventilAtion? I'm not convinced that 4 days on the former would have much impact

Yeah she was on the nasal tubes and a mask at one point as she wasn't keeping her o2 levels up enough on either individually

I really struggle to believe that 4 days nasal prongs will do anything at that age except keep her sats up. 925 days and counting here plus another 60 odd on higher levels.

She sounds like a little star xx

That sounds really hard three your poor DD has had a lot to cope with. I had glue ear and grommets too as a child and all fine now. I know that doesn't help with the GDD but I did talk eventually as you know that your DD will it must just be frustrating for you to see her struggles.

sleeping I don't really believe it either, it's just what I've been told by the paeds.

Had a better morning this morning despite DD waking at 3am! DH has promised me pancakes when I finish work. Just handed my notice in so I need pancakes to make me feel better. I want to keep my job but it's becoming unworkable with DDs appointments so I give in and quit. My boss actally begged me to stay. nice to know I'm wanted somewhere.

Oh Three that's hard. I cried all through my redundancy meeting, and it was my choice to go.
Make sure you get in a claim for carers and depending on what DH earns tax credits too. There's a disability element too if your mid or high rate DLA

Only lower rate DLA atm as been told they don't award mid or higher rate in our area to under 4s, and they don't take speech or or mobility into account until after they turn 5. It's ridiculous because we won't get carers or disability element until then. Paeds has said she'd definitely get MR when she's a bit older though as despite having learnt to walk this time last year she still can't walk far and she tires quickly in general.