Terrible twos / threenager support thread

[Belleende]

Hello all,

Thought I would start this and see where is goes. I am mum to 2 DDS. One 7 weeks and one 2.5. currently on mat leave.

My DD1 has always been a lively high energy kid, but has lately been incredibly challenging. Last week it took me 1.5 hours to get her into her clothes and out the door. I started a thread here and got great support.

There are lots of separate threads with good advice on, but I thought it might be helpful to have a go to place for help support and advice on dealing with the daily challenges of toddler wrangling.

My current challenges include, how to get dressed without a drama, how to manage transitions without meltdowns, to nap or not to nap, how to maintain sanity when toddler asks for a bath and then refuses to get in it, how to keep it light and playful when you are feeling just short of murderous.

Say howdy if you think this might be useful and we can go from there.

Snuggly Hope you're ok, it's tough when things go wrong. Unmumsnetty hugs and have a cup of tea too, as I can only drink decaff

Could your DH get up in the night if one of the DC cries Snuggly? Or at least give you a lie in tomorrow? I've been there where lack of sleep leaves you at breaking point most of the time

I have an over tired and grumpy DS1 as he won't nap. Aaarrrggghhhh!

Hunted should be on 4OD Three. Interesting to watch if a bit scary to see how easily many people get caught!

Ruby he already does! We have twin babies so often we both have to get up.
My day has improved as it's gone on and has definitely been better than yesterday!

Thanks for kind comments today btw

Twins are hardcore xx

Well I'm abandoning my son as the bus station and taking my teen niece to ballet

*the ballet. Not lessons. Matthew Bournes Cinderella

Sleeping Can I abandon DD with him? Seriously fed up, been to the shop after Nursery, we're well known by the staff there so the manager gave her a banana and a small bag of haribo...

he then screamed when the banana and sweets were gone and I had to give her another banana when we got home because she kept saying "nana gone, want nana" thankfully she prefers fruit to sweets so never asks for those.

She then cried on the way home because we drove past the train station and there were "no twain, want twain mummy, where twain?"

She's now sat in the middle of my bedroom floor sulking because I won't change her nappy...it's clean, I've checked and she was being changed as I got through the door at Nursery so she's not likely to need it changing again before bedtime if at all before morning. But she refuses to move.

And the cats decided now is the best time to start begging for food...haven't eaten myself yet today moggy you won't be eating before me considering you've had breakfast and a lunchtime snack!

And she's in bed asleep...

Thought it was quiet, went to her room and she's curled up on top of the duvet hugging her favourite cuddly toy, fast asleep...she wouldn't usually be asleep until 7.45 earliest...I'm not going to be so pleased about this in the morning am I?

Enjoy the ballet Sleeping.

She must have been very tired Three.

My lot are all in bed and I'm eating crisps and drinking beer. Ended up having quite a nice day with dd1 being very cooperative. Yay!

I posted a few days ago about my toddlersituation behaviour with the baby and was directed to this thread. I haven't read it yet, sorry. I feel a great need to vent. Ds1 is driving me fucking crazy. Apologies for language. I can't think of a more suitable word. I need to calm down aboutique it and learn how to let things food a bit I think. Ds2 is just 1. Walking several steps. Ds1 constantly leans against him, takes his hands away from whatever he's holding onto (side of Bath, chair, toy table etc) takes toys away. All the time. A couple stantly barrage of "NO baby that's MINE. Go AWAY from my toy" etc. I am trying to get Ds1 to swap toys, and to not push/move hands as baby will fall over but it is driving me mad and this week I've had to walk away from Ds1 a lot. I shouted at him this morning, I hate shouting. But also today I've realised it's not just his behaviour with the baby. He just pushes things all the time . I'm pretty laid back about a lot but make a point of a few things I feel are important. He pushes me too, that ws the incident this morning, pushing a door that I was the other side of (think under stairs cupboard) and I asked him 7 times then shouted. Then he cried.

Also trying to get his attention. I can say his name over and over and he'll just ignore (it will be when he knows I'm going to say "get baby a different toy/give it back etc")

I feel like I'm a dripping tap at him all the time . How can I enjoy him again? I feel so guilty. He's still a baby really. It's just me and the boys which I suppose can make it harder. Relentless.

Notta I'm just going to bed (early starts do that to me!) but didn't want to read and run. Lots of friendly support here - welcome. Someone will offer some wisdom I'm sure and vent away

Hey notta that's tough, i have that all to look forward to. With my toddler, we have decided to pick our battles, but the battles we do fight we go in fast and hard.

Any aggressive or dangerous behaviour and she is put straight in her room, for 2 to 5 minutes, no warnings, just straight up. I lift her up there very quickly, so she gets a bit of a suprise and explain why she is going to her room. There is a gate on her door so she can't just come out. I have also gotten louder and firmer with her, the gentle approach does nothing with her.
It has seemed to have reduced this type of behaviour, now only tends to happen when she is knackered.

Not sure what to do about the sharing. Is there anyway he could help the baby with learning to walk? My DD seems to have an instinct to want to be helpful. Giving her set jobs has been a good tool. So cleaning the bathroom mirror after she brushes her teeth is her job which has encouraged her to brush her teeth.

I know what you mean about dripping tap. There are days I hate the sound of my own voice. I now try and say less but move more quickly to consequences. It has helped to preserve my sanity a wee bit

Thanks Belleend . The trouble us that's he's not at all aggressive about what his doing. He doesn't shove, but it's more of a persistent leaning. He'll stand next to the baby and move in close so that he's applying pressure with his body. He knows what he's doing though. It's in response to my "don't push" request.

Of course, distraction works a treat but I find it very tedious. And it's not always what I think of first. I think I need to try harder in that respect.

We have taken dd1 to toddler football. She is totally incapable of doing what she is told. Running round like a lunatic. I think she may need to go to a more school like setting sooner rather than later

DS1 is much the same at rugby Belle but he has got better as the weeks go by! Our class goes from 2 - 3.5 and you can really tell the difference in age. I think I was comparing him unfavourably to kids who were half his age again!

Been into town today in the pouring rain. DS1 threw up eating his lunch so I had to finish my shopping smelling slightly of toddler sick and hungry as DP got them to clear the table before I'd had chance to eat more than half of my lunch. Sigh...

Dp owes you take out

It's been a long day. We dared to try and get a few jobs done. It seems that we can either have a clean house or happy children but not both.

Hi all another long day here. I seem to end up putting the TV on a lot more than I'd like to and feel so guilty! Also half term this week so there are no clubs for me to take DD to which means it's going to be a loong week. Unless I go back to work early after my operation which I'm tempted to do just for a rest!

He certainly does Sleeping!!

I hate these freezing cold and rainy winter days... a few degrees warmer and the DC could at least go in the garden for a bit to run off some energy. In this weather though our only option is often the dreaded soft play

Oh and I have a mountain of (thankfully clean!) washing to put away - but that's one task I can never accomplish with the DC around to 'help'!

DD is going out for a walk today whether it's cold and wet or not! She was like a caged animal yesterday.

We never stay in all day. Drives us all mad. I have to go out at least once to see to the ponies. So Ds1 gets kitted out in wellies and waterproofs, baby bundled up in the pram.

I'm dreading potty training and having to stay in.

Ugh I hate bedtime! It's like DS saves up his days energy for half an hour of bouncing about annoyingly and shouting 'mummy night night' and not lying down....sigh.

Wish me luck guys we are going to church at 10. We haven't been since DS started walking (ie escaping the pew). I will bring a bag full of colouring/toys/raisens and hope for the best. Luckily there is a playground across the road if we need to leave halfway through.

How did church go Camomila? My two would never, ever sit still for long enough 😱

Took the DC out for an hour's walk this morning. DP didn't join us as he had Very Important Paperwork to do (that he couldn't do in the four hours he had free last night, of course). Then he made us all wait around for lunch as he hadn't finished and wanted to go out to eat. By the time we got our pizzas the DCs were massively overtired and just hideous

I'm a bit sad today too as a good friend had arranged to take me out for a belated birthday lunch - we agreed the date a couple of months ago but then she never mentioned it again! It's the fifth time she's let me down in five times of arranging to meet so part of me didn't think it would happen anyway, but I just hoped it would, we've been friends for almost 20 years. It would have been a real treat to eat a meal without anyone asking me repeatedly about Peppa Pig!

Ok, I give up pretending everythings ok.

I am fed up of DH doing overtime every weekend, it's not worth the extra cash. I am exhasuted from DD waking in the night and quite frankly could do with a lie in on the weekend but he gets the lie-in on the one day he's off as he works so much.

I'm fed up of DD screaming if I leave the room.

I am fed up of appointments every single week so I can't go swimming or do play dates or anything.

I am fed up of my mum pretending to listen to me and then saying "oh but your doing ok, anyway when are you inviting your brother for tea? I need a break from him you know?" Like a 24 year old man that works full time, pays half the rent, half the bills and buys all his own food and cooks it himself is in any way the same as a disabled toddler

I'm sick of MIL telling me to cancel appointments so she can have DD as "her coming to me is way more beneficial than being poked and prodded" god I wish it was

I'm sick of not being able to have caffeine or wine, I miss wine

Oh Three it really is shit sometimes. Our appts have slowed somewhat these days but we still have gluts.

Tell your mom you'll have bro over for food when she has dd - child swap! Except you get an adult who won't need to touch you or eat your food.

I found I could never really sustain any play groups. Have you got friends with similar aged kids who will come for a walk round an art gallery or put for a coffee?