Terrible twos / threenager support thread

[Belleende]

Hello all,

Thought I would start this and see where is goes. I am mum to 2 DDS. One 7 weeks and one 2.5. currently on mat leave.

My DD1 has always been a lively high energy kid, but has lately been incredibly challenging. Last week it took me 1.5 hours to get her into her clothes and out the door. I started a thread here and got great support.

There are lots of separate threads with good advice on, but I thought it might be helpful to have a go to place for help support and advice on dealing with the daily challenges of toddler wrangling.

My current challenges include, how to get dressed without a drama, how to manage transitions without meltdowns, to nap or not to nap, how to maintain sanity when toddler asks for a bath and then refuses to get in it, how to keep it light and playful when you are feeling just short of murderous.

Say howdy if you think this might be useful and we can go from there.

Camomila Never thought of that, I don't actually own one but will definitely get one, think the childrens shop in town sells them

Miserable day here too. Not as bad as DP's mood though, he's been in a foul temper all day he has a special kind of flu which means he doesn't have to help with any cooking, cleaning or childcare, unlike my flu where I have to get on with it regardless...

He's gone to bed for a bit which is actually a relief as I was getting so fed up with his snidey comments! Although it does leave me with two bored children to entertain on my own whilst I also make the dinner

No idea what to do if it's rainy again tomorrow. Might be wellies and waterproofs and a walk for us just to get out of the house!

Im doing OU part time so trying to do 2 hours of a night once toddler down and dh is drawing plus 6 hours over the weekend. Only just started so still novel but eek 6 years of this!!

DD is home! Finally!

He's off tomorrow thankfully so I'll get a rest.

Ruby I hate it when there's double standards, why does DH get the day off when he's ill but not me? A few months ago we were both ill at the same time, I offered to tag team with DH so we both rested. Nope he was so much more ill than me and spent all day in bed!

Sorry DH is home! DD never went anywhere

Mustang commiseration and a hug. When it's shit, it's SO shit.

Does anyone else feel like their toddler just gets into the habit of screaming? There's so much screaming all day, I'm now in the habit of saying: stop screaming. Use your words. Tell me what's wrong so I can help you.

I can't take the screaming anymore.

Also if anyone else can make sense of this, I'll post you some chocolate! We have a mile and a half walk home from DS's school every day and granted, it is mostly uphill. She's almost three and though I encourage walking or scooting, she is very little of stature - though fit and strong - so we have a double buggy, which she can use anytime she likes. Most of the time, she doesn't.

She'll be fine all the way home then as soon as we get home, it's uncontrollable crying. I would sort of liken it to the release of emotion on pickup. It's like she endures the walk home and then it's too much emotionally when she gets to safety (home). Just sit in the freakin' buggy - that's what it's there for!

So I struggle in the door with a baby, a buggy, a screaming child, my other child and all our bags and coats. FFS.

Also - does anyone have ANY discipline tactics that work?

Positive discipline worked so well with DS but with DD1, I'm just yelling into the tornado.

I feel like underneath all of it, she just craves love. I've always said it's like I just can't love her enough, never able to fill her cup up. When she was a baby and a little toddler, she demanded so much from me. Now she's almost three, she struggles with the new baby (who is ten months!) and asks if she "can be my baby." She is my baby, I tell her but I can see what she wants. It breaks me heart, but then she'll be so naughty and I'm back to angry.

DD finally gave up when I put the "cute" on aka minions. She won't watch despicable me yet but is quietly watching minions. DH is happy as all shes done since he got in is cry.

Glad you're getting some peace Three completely know what you mean about double standards - DP is now snoring loudly but no doubt will be awake once the DC have gone to bed and he can watch TV in peace!! Then he won't go to bed till the early hours and will want a lie in tomorrow because he's tired

Mind you it is soooo much more peaceful without his constant moaning and groaning and whining that we've had today...

Will reply more later RedCrab but sorry to hear that you're frazzled by your DD. Much as I love my DC I do not love the toddler stage!

RedCrabcould it be pain? Like she's pushed herself so much to get home, luke when you exercise lots? Is v there a half way point where you could encourage her into the buggy?

Do you get much 121 time with her?

Could be that Sleeping. We're out all the time and could be out for four hours playing, and her not get tired or upset. There's something about coming home? I would defitnely try to get her in the buggy but you know what it's like trying to get toddlers to do anything

We don't get much alone time, no. And I have been meaning to because she's never had it. It's typical middle child syndrome. Our eldest had me all to himself until she was born. The baby has me to herself two full days a week when DS is at school and DD is at pre school. Poor DD1 doesn't get much alone time at all.

Yeah if she's very active then maybe not.

When you are travelling home, baby is in the buggy and she's walking? Oldest is at school? Or oldest is with you? Wonder if what your out cos oldest isnt there and youngest is safe, you have to pay her extra attention so she is revelling in that?

redcrab in our house cold is the silent trigger. My DD loves being out doors but feels the cold really badly. She has no sense she is getting cold, just bam, hysterics.

Today is best described as feral. DD1 is definitely coming down with something and was going from quiet and spaced out to manic and throwing shit about every ten minutes. Her latest lovely trick is chewing food up and spitting it out in various places. It is like she has been specifically designed to do stuff that pushes my particular buttons. Tomorrow we are getting out for a walk come hell or high water.

I am very lucky through to have a DP who more than pulls his weight. Although since number 2 has come along, we have both gotten just a wee bit more selfish is getting "me time". It is so precious it is worth fighting for.

Belle my DD is the same with the cold. In the autumn we walked to the park and she suddenly got very tearful. It was because she was cold. She couldn't walk home and wouldn't be cajoled. I was pushing the twins in a double buggy so I couldn't carry her. I pretty much dragged her home screaming and crying. It was awful but as soon as we got in the warm she was fine.

I took her out for 2 much needed day with just me today. We've had a lovely day. We had tea out and didn't get home until bed time. DH has been with the dts all day. He us exhausted!

I will pay for our nice day today if she's really tired tomorrow though...

I swear he must have been eating blue smarties in the night, he's properly hyper today. DH is hung over and I'm shattered from a week of awful sleep woth him. Fun day ahead!!

Can I please hop on? I haven't had a chance to read the whole thread yet but you might just save my sanity!

I have a 16 month old DD, sleeps and eats like a dream and is very laid back and easy going....and then there's my other DD, she's 2.9 years and atm is driving me insane! She can live on two strips of red pepper, half a bag of crips and a satsuma a day. Sleeping just isn't for her and never has been. We fight to get her in bed by 10pm, sometimes 10.30pm and friday night it was 11.15pm after crying and tantrums because she didn't want to go to bed. Every morning she's still up by 6.15am at the latest, often it's around 5.30am. She also gets up at least once during the night.

So far this morning I've completely lost the plot and shouted because she's run from the bedroom where she's thrown clothes all over the bedroom into the living room where she's gone from toy to toy just knocking everything over, dragging every toy out, emptying puzzle boxes all over the floor and finished off by trying to climb out of the window.

She NEVER runs out of energy.

Going to read the thread now in the hope I'm not the only one with a toddler like this....

Welcome I'mvery. That does sound hard. No advice I'm afraid but I'm sure somebody else will have some wise words.

I have just sent dh out for chocolate. It's been that sort of day...

RedCrab Oh bless her...some mummy and DD1 1 to 1 time sounds like a great idea, might she like something like toddler ballet you could take her to on a Sat morning and leave DS and DD2 at home...plus maybe lunch/cake afterwards in a cafe ...a bit like ‘love bombing I guess’ (unless your DH works weekends etc of course)

Welcome I’mvery I sympathise on the staying up late, living off thin air some days and never running out of energy. ATM I just treat DS like a puppy tbh, every morning we go out for an hour or two to one of my 2 nearest playgrounds and he runs/chases a ball/does the climbing frame till he’s exhausted. Then he usually eats a decent amount and has a long nap. He’s starting nursery 2 mornings a week soon so he can run about there and I can stay home in the warm!

Actually if anoyone has any good ideas for indoor activities I’m all ears! I think I’ve spent too much time in cold playgrounds lately and I’m coming down with some kind of lurgy.

Camomila look on Pinterest - loads of indoor activities on there.

Will he do arts and crafts?
Stool and the sink, bowl or warm water and some plastic toys?

So tired :(

Sleeping DS was up in the night too for no reason I can fathom - and his father decided in his wisdom to shut his bedroom door (he wasn't wailing, just chatting to himself to be fair) - so at 4.30am, when I staggered from my pit to try and settle him, I walked straight into it If DS wasn't awake before that, he certainly was afterwards 🤦‍♀️

We're going to outdoor playgroup this morning. It's snowing. But we're going anyway. Think of me, my friends...

Can I join in? I have a 3 year old DD and 2 year old DS. Only 9 months between them and they are both a handful!
Currently DS has a bad habit of throwing, hitting, kicking etc which is driving me mad! We do time in's where they get a 5 second countdown to stop doing something and if they are still climbing, throwing, driving me mad then they have to sit with me for 60 seconds while we count down. Normally involves having to hold them while they try and escape, wriggle, struggle etc but after the time they will 90% of the time say sorry and give me a kiss or hug. Incident then forgotten (even if I am still quietly seething).