Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Does anybody regret becoming a parent?

155 replies

Bella8 · 15/11/2017 15:05

Dare I ask this but does anybody regret becoming a parent and wish they'd never had kids? Obviously you love your DC and would never ever not want them but do you miss your old life? Are people without children happier than people with them?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Original poster
Bella8 · 28/11/2017 20:00

ElephantsandTigers You're not bringing down this thread at all. I'm so sorry you're feeling so low. I agree with pp could you have a talk with your GP? Some specialise in mental health and can be a real help Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
Bella8 · 28/11/2017 20:06

And don't feel like you're alone as you're not. There's loads of lovely people in the world who are there to help and who want to help. I know when I struggled with some things a afew years back the doctor was lovely and non judgemental and it went so much better than I thought it would. Please know you're not alone Flowers

OP posts:
ElephantsandTigers · 28/11/2017 20:07

We don't have a HV but I do have a brilliant GP and Nurse. I'm on medication Sad. Just been a hellish few years and it feels like one thing after another. Just want to leave tbh. I'm off to get in my PJs. Can't leave in those Sad.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
Mince314 · 28/11/2017 20:09

.

Original poster
Bella8 · 28/11/2017 20:11

ElephantsandTigers Don't let a few years define your whole future. What might feel terrible now may feel very different in time. You're children have an amazing mother and they will want you in their future. Look at your beautiful kids and think you did that. Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
Bella8 · 28/11/2017 20:11

Your*

OP posts:
Original poster
Bella8 · 28/11/2017 20:14

And don't stay with your husband for the sake of your kids. Your happiness counts too. Happy mum equals happy kids. Hope you feel better...

OP posts:
ElephantsandTigers · 28/11/2017 20:20

Just feel like I hold everyone and everything together but no one holds me.

ElephantsandTigers · 28/11/2017 20:21

Sorry, didn't refresh before I posted. I don't think I would be happier without dh but part of me is scared to try in case I am Confused.

Original poster
Bella8 · 28/11/2017 20:31

Your kids will love you and appreciate you even if it may not seem like it at times. And I don't know how your DH is but I hope he does as well. Maybe things will get better with time but you do need some time for yourself as well. I don't know if your have any access to any childcare. Having children can be a strain on any relationship I think but hope things improve for you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bella8 · 28/11/2017 20:34

Even if your DH would take the kids on a Saturday for a couple of hours to give you a small break?

OP posts:
ElephantsandTigers · 28/11/2017 20:34

My PIL would have the children but the children have activities at the weekend and tbh if all three don't go it isn't a break. Dh had today off and it was used for Christmas shopping, walking the dog, taxiing the kids and falling out Sad. He says we're fine. We're not in my mind.

ElephantsandTigers · 28/11/2017 20:35

I might go out alone this weekend. Good idea, thank you.

Original poster
Bella8 · 28/11/2017 20:38

Sounds like you both have such busy lives that you don't have a lot of time for each other. What about in the evening? Would your PIL babysit for a couple of hours allowing you and dh to go out for a meal or to cinema? I'm just thinking if you had a little child free time it may be all you need (I don't know your full circumstances though.)

OP posts:
ElephantsandTigers · 28/11/2017 20:40

We have no real time together. Long gone are the days of the kids in bed at 7. We used to joke how we could have a shag get it over with by 8 and then have an evening. Now we can't even have a private conversation though I doubt dh would care if I said sex twice a year we used to be so solid. Secure. Feels shit now and I feel I'm the one taking all the crap.

ElephantsandTigers · 28/11/2017 20:41

PIL haven't baby sat in years as don't like driving in the dark and now they don't have a car. The kids are maybe old enough to leave for a couple of hours at night. Not sure. We do nip out for an hour in the day when able too.

Original poster
Bella8 · 28/11/2017 20:48

It's difficult isn't it. Even if PIL babysat and you or dh dropped them home when you got back. Or if kids old enough like you say catching a quick film or meal might do you and dh the world of good. Remember it will get better, your kids will grow and they sound like they're getting older and abit more self sufficient. Hope tomorrow is a good day...Flowers

OP posts:
MuddlingThroughLife · 28/11/2017 20:50

Being a parent is bloody hard work with each age bringing different challenges. In the past I've often wondered what my life would have been like had I not had children. But do you know what? Life in general is hard with or without kids with all sorts of challenges. Life is also very short and you never know what's around the corner.

The past year has brought home how fragile life truly is with ds aged 10 spending almost the whole of this year battling a brain tumour - six hour brain surgery, high dose radio, high dose chemo..... he's been left with medical and physical problems but he's now in remission and he's here!

I will never ever take my children for granted again or wonder what life may have been like without them no matter what challenges we face in the future.

Thebluedog · 28/11/2017 20:52

Yes.. I love my dc to bits, and will love and cherish them until the day I die, but if I had my chance again I wouldn’t have children

Original poster
Bella8 · 28/11/2017 20:58

MuddlingThroughLife Flowers send good vibes your way and your ds sounds like a little fighter; he must be incredibly strong like his Mum.

I agree life is so short in the scheme of everything and it can be so difficult & wonderful and we never know what's around the corner do we.

I sometimes think you regret what you don't do more than the things you do. Life is different now for sure but it's a new normal and i adore my DS and I'm loving watching him grow. I feel so guilty on the bad days where I just want to stay in bed all day Confused

OP posts:
ElephantsandTigers · 28/11/2017 21:08

Oh joy. Looks like DS has been playing truant. There isn't enough chocolate in the world..

Chocolate, wine, your choice to all finding life hard.

Thanks OP for chatting Wine.

MuddlingThroughLife · 28/11/2017 21:10

Thanks Bella8.

We all have good/bad, up/down days even when life is good. If you need a duvet day, have one Flowers

Growingboys · 28/11/2017 21:11

No, I thank my lucky stars every day I have my amazing children.

But when DC1 was little and we had a lot of major health issues to contend with, I definitely did.

That has gone now and I count myself bloody lucky!

Original poster
Bella8 · 28/11/2017 21:14

Oh no, honestly kids!! Hope you get sorted. And chocolate therapy is the best... I hotfooted it to tesco today with pram and a giant bar of galaxy leapt off shelf into basket and some cookies swiftly followed Shock i swear it was magnetised....take care Smile CakeWine

OP posts:
NewBrian · 28/11/2017 21:17

I had PND and felt like this for 2 years. My son is 5 now and I don’t regret having him at all, he’s good company and hilariously funny. Nursery could be beneficial for both of you. It really does get better Flowers