Does anybody regret becoming a parent?

[Bella8]

Dare I ask this but does anybody regret becoming a parent and wish they'd never had kids? Obviously you love your DC and would never ever not want them but do you miss your old life? Are people without children happier than people with them?

SmiledWithTheRisingSun awww thank you for your kind words; you sound lovely. I've been researching baby groups in my area and realised a location which is only about a 25/30 minute walk away and much closer than the other centre has a baby group on that you can take baby too from 9 months. I'm so happy because I will be able to walk there (and I love walking) and walk back and won't need to rely on public transport! Also bonus I'll pass lots of shops that me and DS can look in on the the way back. Little man is 8.5 month at moment so at end of the month I shall be taking him there and can't wait!

LuchiMangsho You're so right I do thinks getting out more and childcare issues are def main issues. Love my little man. I've heard people are more relaxed with second babies. I have been way too by the book with this one but as he gets older I'm starting to relax a little bit !

CremeFresh poor you, that's awful. I'm so sorry you went through all of that; nobody should have too. I'm not surprised you feel that way and hope your life is a lot better now and hope you're feeling a lot better health wise too.

I really regretted having ds; i felt this for the first year of his life. I then had dd and the feeling come back. THey are now 7 and 4 and i don't feel any regret. The first year is really hard. I often look back and think about when i regretted having them and feel really guilty for having them feelings.
Honestly though it does get easier.

Sort of, I had a very romantic idea of what being a mum would be like and fondly imagined I'd be good at it.... I'm not, I'm knackered all the time and lose patience more often than I'm proud of.

I adore ds and he is very happy and well cared for.

But I look back to the days when there was only me to worry about and wonder if I should have just left it alone.

On balance though, I wouldn't be without him.

I wouldn't wish my kids away but had I known I would end up a single parent, have to change the job I did due to non child friendly hours and struggle on my own on a low working income in a job I hate especially as one child has sen I wouldn't have had kids if I'm entirely honest.

Yes because if I had known how much I would love them, worry about them and be terrified of something terrible happening to them then I would have made do with a cat! One of them dying, another one almost dying, another one with SN probably incapable of independent living = anxiety disorder.

The worry and fear is exhausting and will never bloody well end. The actual grunt work of bringing them up pales into insignificance compared to that.

I think having teens is much harder than babies and toddlers, especially 2 close in age, I'm not enjoying life much atm and sometimes think I wish I hadn't had kids, I don't but it's hard work, feel ganged up on and like I've lost control.

I don't regret it but miss time to myself. The only time I get is at work or on the train!

Sometimes but its just different isnt it? For everything that you may lose you gain something too. You may lose some freedom and miss that but you gain this type of love youve never experienced before. You get to watch someone grow and learn and turn into an adult before your eyes but yes you do lose some of your identity and your life does change dramatically. So i do sometimes regret it briefly but if someone came and said i could take it all back i certainly certainly wouldnt!!! The love I have for my child is much stronger and valuable than any regrets I have.

You summed it up perfectly there tiptop

I’m struggling with being a single mum at 19 I love my DS but cannot stop thinking about that beforehand I knew what I was getting into I couldn’t face having an abortion or adoption all I wish was that it happened later in life and with the right person. I miss my freedom and my old life it’s a hassle getting anywhere since I don’t drive yet but Iam learning too so public transport is the answer for the meantime.

Amber5099 You are still so young and just think when your little one is older you'll still be so young and have the energy to enjoy it all and you'll have your life back a lot sooner. I'm 32 and wish I had the energy i did when I was younger!

Also with child no 2 it's a tad easier because you have already lost your freedom and made those adjustments so you don't regret that loss of your old life quite as much. And as they get older and the first Sunday you read the paper in peace is a real milestone!

I've heard that 2 entertain each other as get older as well which allows more time to yourself than you would get with1 in the long run...

Depends. I have a big age gap and a very kind proud big brother in my nearly 6 year old. So he will look after the baby for me and help me out. But with a smaller age gap the playing together begins to happen properly once the younger is 3/4.

I don't regret having my dd, she is my world but I do seriously miss my old life. Spare cash, free time, lie ins etc. I've never been so poorly in my life as obviously you catch everything they catch, I'm treated differently at work now and I see the younger girls being given better oppportunities and I feel like I'm on the scrap heap somewhat.

I say all this as I'm pregnant with number 2, I know how hard it's going to be but I didn't want dd to grow up and only child. I do hope it gets easier as they get older though. I'm very lucky that I have help from grandparents, on the other hand though hubby is away 80% of the time which grates on me as every breakfast, bedtime, night wakings are down to me.

After reading so many of these threads, it seems 90% of parents regret having a kid, then go on to have another one, regret that one, then often go on to have more (each one also regreted). From this I have come to understand that doing things we regret is just a part of life and we seemingly can't stop ourselves, there is no point trying to avoid it. Now I try to just let those feelings wash over me instead of focusing on them.

And for anyone with young kids who says parenting is nothing like they thought/so much harder/thought it would rainbows and unicorns, come on! The trend of hating parenting and talking and writing about has been around for 10+ years if not longer, so you did know. Everyone regrets it! The word is out long ago.

pp that's interesting are you a parent? How many dc do you have? I don't think many people thing it's going to be all rainbows and unicorns; I reckon most know it'll be hard going. I just think people don't know exactly how difficult it can be. All babies are different. I don't think there's a story in the world that can prepare you for how you'll actually feel after giving birth/breastfeeding challenges coupled with severe sleep deprivation and any complication/s you may encounter along the way. For example babies can encounter difficulties nobody tells you about e.g: unwell at birth, silent reflux etc which can go misdiagnosed and make the crying so much worse than the 'norm.'
Also nobody can prepare women for hormones, anxiety, depression and any of those things than can go hand in hand with having a baby not to mention loss of identity. It's so much more complicated than just changing a few nappies and feeding. Sure everything I have mentioned does pass eventually just like every stage of parenting things constantly change. For me personally some days early on I did question my decision but my answer was always the same. I'd do it all over again because the I couldn't be without my little man. I used to always want 3 DC however actually experiencing one and not just hearing stories has made me think I'll stop at 2 after careful consideration to try for another when DS is older.

yes but 45 years on is a bit late 😆

@Bella8 don't have any dc, currently pregnant and I already know it will be the most hellish thing possible and I will regret it (already do a little while having morning sickness). But I think that's an unavoidable part of life. I mean obviously the dc are avoidable but just regret in general.

It's really not that hellish. My kids are relatively well behaved, able to play independently, and loads of fun. Most of the time. I don't have the life I had before them but then I didn't have the same life in my 30s that I had in my teens.
Admittedly I work 4 days a week so have a life outside the house and my DH is 100% an equal parent.
I didn't have another kid after regretting no 1. I had my second after much thought and financial consideration and keeping in mind what I enjoyed about having children.

@pie this is the thing, you think you know what you're letting yourself in for, truth is you really have no idea until it happens

I love my kids, they're awesome, and i really did want them, but boy do I miss being able to choose when I get up at weekends, being able to read a book/the paper in peace and quiet, having a tidy house, the ability to just go out quickly and to be spontaneous, to have alone time with my DW. Peace and quiet, and sleep are the things I miss the most.

Then again, all of this might be linked into being older, working harder in a more demanding job, and having more responsibility generally... Who knows! I'm pretending to "adult" whilst looking back at the carefree times of my youth just as much as anyone else ;)

@Beansprout of course, you can't really know something until you've experienced it and you can't know what unique challenges your kid will present. All I know is it will be the hardest most terrible thing imaginable x a million.