Does anybody regret becoming a parent?

[Bella8]

Dare I ask this but does anybody regret becoming a parent and wish they'd never had kids? Obviously you love your DC and would never ever not want them but do you miss your old life? Are people without children happier than people with them?

Hmmmm... well I think the word "regret" is quite provocative in this context.

Most people won't have a child and wish they'd never been born

But, as with anything worthwhile there are hard times. And depending on which time / day you ask me I may miss my old child free days and feel wistful and trapped by parenthood.

But I love my kids more than I thought I would ever love anyone. They make me laugh, cry, smile, dance, shout, care, proud, cringe, content, frustrated, happy, sad, tired, amazed.... (you get the picture)

Similarly I may want to whack DH over the head with a frying pan and wish I didn't have to live with a messy MAN all the flipping time - then we will have a lovely time & I think "that's why I married you!"

Life's all peaks & troughs really from my point of view

I nearly regret it sometimes, but thats too strong a word for me. As PP have said I absolutely do pine for my previous life, all the time actually, but DS has started school now so it is slowly getting easier. I do have an amazing support network and amazingly flexible job though, so I know I am extremely lucky.

It's friggen so hard though; so few parents are so honest, which boils my piss!

I think the first year is often very hard, yes. It's a massive shock to the system compared with being childfree and working.

My DS is probably in some ways more "challenging" now (physically active, limits-testing, etc) but also more rewarding and stimulating - talking, exploring, being imaginative, saying "I love you".

Can you go back to work? Lots of us just aren't cut out for being at home. I'm not.

It will get easier bella I promise!
And then they'll be teenagers.
But then it'll get easier again!

My LO is 16 weeks, and there are times every day I wonder if I'd made the right decision. I'm finding it so hard and lonely.

And I've just made myself feel ten times worse by looking at holiday photos from the past couple of years. It doesn't help knowing that for me this is holiday season and if we didn't have him, I'd be somewhere exotic, drinking cocktails in jacuzzi.

I don't regret having him exactly, but I'm also really scared that it will never get better. There are times in the day where I'm besotted - but then it ends and I'm sitting around counting down the minutes until DP gets home from work (86 mins to go)!

'Similarly I may want to whack DH over the head with a frying pan and wish I didn't have to live with a messy MAN all the flipping time - then we will have a lovely time & I think "that's why I married you!"

Haha I love this, I know men think they're so hard done by. They want to be at home with behind baby all day long they have no idea.

I know regret is a strong word and maybe I shouldn't have used it as indon't regret my DS not for a second but Like pp said people aren't honest so it makes you feel like you're not normal if you're struggling and abit unhappy that motherhood isn't the way you imagined it.

crying *

No I don't regret it but the teen years are worse than the baby years.

Thanks SmiledWithTheRisingSun i can't wait for that day
I just feel stuck between a rock and a hardplace at the moment. I'd like to meet my friend on own for lunch on a weekend (DP has offered to take care of DS) but she always wants me to bring the baby because she has no kids and doesn't understand I have baby all week permanently attached to me and it's not a rest for me. This may change as DP will soon be working overtime some even more time on my own with my DS.

WonderLime That's exactly how I feel. I'm counting down the minutes now; DP will be leaving work soon. That's the way i should have phrased the title of the post-not regret as such but more the right decision or not.
I know i miss my holidays too laying on the sun lounger sipping pina coladas l literally dream of those lazy days in the sun with my biggest worry being tan lines! I'd take the tan lines any day over stretch marks!!

*hugs OP.

I guess people don't want to dwell on the negative do they. They've got this little person to take care of and they need love & nurture. And it's EXHAUSTING.

But have a chat with other mum's you know and I bet everyone finds it tough going.

The lack of sleep is a killer. And it's hard to be at home all day and to deal with the never ending piles of washing staying you know the face. It can feel like a thankless task.

Do you have someone to help you out?

Oh the end of the day is the worst!
I used to always text DH the minute he finished work to check he'd left - drove him a bit mad.

Tell your friend you want to meet without the baby & explain why maybe?

I found swimming helped or going somewhere really green. Can you leave baby with grandparents for a couple of hours?

I'm sitting around counting down the minutes until DP gets home from work (86 mins to go)!

Oh, that is COMPLETELY normal. I still sometimes do this on days alone with toddler DS and it definitely doesn't mean I regret him.

If you are really low going out for a walk always helps - the air, the movement, maybe seeing some green. Tell your friend you want lunch without baby, that you NEED some time off. And lower your expectations of yourself. Nobody loves every minute, and even the best mother out there occasionally wants to strangle all her DC, walk out the door and book a one-way ticket to Panama.

Thanks SmiledWithTheRisingSun. Nobody to help out. We have family but no family support as such but I realise there's a lot in same boat where that's comcerned. Me & DP have had one time away from DS when he was about 10 weeks old and a relative babysat for couple of hours. That's only time DS has left my side in 8.5months. That's it and said relative unable to babysit again. The being at home all day is getting to me the most as it's lonely and boring and long days. I don't drive which is an added obstacle. I will have to make an effort to get to baby groups so I know I only have myself to blame really. They're right on other side of town and require bus and lots of walking with fussy DS and his schedule it's just really difficult to get enough time and energy as it's a right hassle.

Haha thank you PP i am going to do just thy guess I've been scared to tell my friend I don't want to bring DS as she will think I'm a bad mother or something for not wanting him there. It would just be nice to have an actual conversation without being on 'Mum
mode.' I think it would be easier to bringing DS if meeting somebody who has DC and brings theirs and that way they understand all the interruptions and melt downs...

that

Often. I love them. I wish sometimes I hadn't had them yet, or maybe had them with a different person. I wish I'd gone to university first. I wish I'd had more of a life first. They make me happy most of the time, but I do sometimes feel like running away.

All the time! I love her but I wish I'd waited a bit longer (like 10 years!)

Oh lord yes get out the house OP!
You will definitely go mad if you stay in all day.
Go to the baby groups, you will make new friends & can meet for lunch and stuff. It can be fun honestly. 8.5 months is still very young. I promise you you will look back in a year's time and wonder where all the time went!

Thanks SmiledWithTheRisingSun I know i will because I'd like to meet friends with babies and feel awful that DS has no playmates as he has no cousins either! I'm a right hopeless case aren't I!! I always think they'll be full of young mums and I'm 32 and will look like a right oldie and stand out like a sore thumb!

Bless you Bella I had both DCs older than you are! I have loads of mum friends & a couple are 10 years older than me! You are NOT old.

You need the playmates at this stage. Your baby needs a happy mum

I had the opposite problem. Everyone was 10 years older than me. You'll find lots of people your age there, promise.

I did lots of toddler groups with DD as it made it all more survivable being out of the house with other people. We had a group for just about every weekday. I knew if I could get through until 1pm then it wasn’t that much longer until DH would be Home.

Really struggled with this as I’m a huge introvert and would have preferred being at home on my own than being at groups with other people, but it turned out being at home with a baby was much worse. I started the round of toddler groups when DD was four weeks as I was already going mad stuck at home with her then!

Where I Iive in London with DS1 at 31 I was one of the youngest mums around. I think your problems are not DS per se. It is that you are not mobile and you don't have childcare. At this point I was back at work. DS1 was hard work but also I was happy to see him at the end of the day. Moreover on my day off with him we were at a music class, then back for lunch and a nap and then back off to the park. Babies are boring and especially in the winter are so much easier out than in. Now with DS2 on mat leave, I am more relaxed and get out every single day. DS2 was also v premature and we spent two months in hospital willing him at first not to die, then to come home and while it is a cliche, it did change my perspective on motherhood, somewhat. (Doesn't mean he can't be an outright pain! I find the baby stage deeply tedious too).

I certainly do. I so often wish I could turn the clock back. The first few months weren't too bad ( ex was violent abuser , he left before baby was a year old). Then it just got harder and harder. The teenage years nearly finished me off and I ended up in hospital. It's marginally better now child is an adult but the worry never ever goes away.