Does anybody regret becoming a parent?

[Bella8]

Dare I ask this but does anybody regret becoming a parent and wish they'd never had kids? Obviously you love your DC and would never ever not want them but do you miss your old life? Are people without children happier than people with them?

Thanks RidingMyBike I'll
Check it out just to make sure but don't think there's a church in my area that has them on though unfortunately which is a shame I'll try the group that's on at a surestart centre instead

That's a shame, Bella, have you tried libraries and museums? They often have rhyme times and story times which are good. Might sound a bit odd, but I have ended up meeting lovely people just by being in the children's section of my local library. Ours has a couple of nice comfy seats where they are happy for you to feed or you can just sit and look at some picture books with your ds.

Complete honesty?

Absolutely not. No regrets whatsoever, not even a teeny tiny bit. And I had a bloody good life pre children!

And I second trying to get out for at least one of the naps. Staying in all the time is very restrictive. Even if you can't find a good group to go to, at least if they are in a pram, you can get out and do something you enjoy while they sleep to keen you sane.

It has isolated me, because I can't see friends. I don't have much of a family anyway and it has just made me more alone.

It's increased my anxiety. I had it under control when I was childless, then I had children, now I feel like it's daily over the edge and I don't know how I am going to cope.

It has meant I have not (yet) been able to realise any of my big life ambitions. I had low self esteem before I had kids and had not achieved anything. The likelihood I will now is even less because they take up so much of my time.

It has created distance in my relationship because we have no time for each other, and he did not step up as much as I thought.

I spend all my money on the DC and have no money to deal with my anxiety and health problems.

Mine are adults, and I love them very much, but i had no idea of the stress and strain I would be in for. The baby years are nothing compared to the worry of their later years. I loved the early years and miss them. Your life is just never your own again once you have children and I still feel I put them first all the time, worry about them, try to help them and feel heart broken when their lives are a mess and I can't help. Honestly, I wouldn't have had children if i had seen into the future.

Not for a second, but I really, really struggled with them when little. Mine are now teenage and they’re just fabulous.

Thanks Swirlingasong the library sounds like a great idea, oh I remember those big comfortable chairs as a child myself! I never thought of there and haven't been to a one in years and would like to go. Do they tend to accept normal baby noises? It wouldn't disturb anybody? I will have to research where my local library is as I haven't lived in the area that long. you're right and so are acouple of others I'll have to be less cautious on being home for little man's second nap, I love him so much i literally do anything to make sure he's happy and sometimes this has meant neglecting myself and to the detriment of my own happiness which is wrong. I guess happy Mummy equals a happy baby! x

Furryfury2 I can completely relate to the anxiety. Since having DS I worry so much and he's so still when he sleeps I always have to check he's breathing. Mind you as he gets older my anxiety is calming alittle and I'll feel better once he passes 12 months and the whole cot death/SIDS risks are gone completely! I'll prob worry even more when he's properly on the move though, I'm in the process of baby proofing the house...

You're right as well Swirlingasong about them napping in pram. DS actually is very comfortable in his pushchair and naps well in it, he napped well when I was in the supermarket on the weekend. I have been worrying that he won't get the same quality sleep that he gets in his cot and that he will get too many interruptions as he usually likes 2 long considerable naps. I then worry if I go out during his naptime that this will affect his development if he's not getting all of the sleep he needs..silly I know. My mind works overtime!

I don't regret them at all, not ever. But I have become completely invisible and lost my identity through having them. I feel like a non-person sometimes, like a robot, a worker for my children, no longer a woman in my own right with likes/dislikes ambitions/dreams. Having children has steadily eroded my sense of who I am. Occasionally I find myself wondering if still really exist at all.

That said, I truly love them and like them and feel very connected to them. I have fun with them and there are more good days than bad. It's just that they have changed everything completely and utterly.

It's because I'm a SAHM - I don't recommend it!

I've found libraries very welcoming. You can get a card for yourself and for your ds and they will be keen to sign you both up (check what you need in the way of id). If he is screaming the place down, obviously he will disturb people, but if you are in the children's bit and it's normal baby noise and the sound of you chatting to him about the books, that's fine and positively encouraged. Also, if you get him used to it and make libraries a familiar and friendly thing for him, he is far more likely to see picking up a book as a fun thing to do in the future.

Overall - no, I wonder what on earth I did with all my free time. However, I do struggle with always being at dd's beck and call and having to put her first. Some days it's just relentless. I'm a sahm so it probably doesn't help plus whilst DP does his fair share of looking after her I always seem to be making the decisions such as keeping her clothes stocked up, choosing Xmas presents, finding out about nurseries, sorting dinner etc.

Re pp about first year being awful, I have to disagree. When dd was a baby I could just breastfeed her if she cried or bundle her up in the pushchair and go on lovely long walks to the lovely park nearby. She'd always fall asleep. Now she's 2.5 and today it took us 45 minutes to walk what is normally a 10 min walk for me. This drives me up the wall. It takes soooo much longer for me to get out of the house and get anywhere compared to 2 years ago.

Thanks everybody I'll check it out. DS actually loves books now he studies the pictures for ages and turns them around and around carefully looking at all of the pages and he's not even 9 months old yet. I think he takes after me as I'm a keen reader although haven't had as much time for that lately

Sometimes, yes. Now that the tide of oestrogen is going out I'm not so rosy-tinted about the whole thing, although I love them dearly.

And yes, the teenage years are the very worst of all

cuirderussie Oh dear I have that all to come DS is only 9 months I can't even imagine him as a teenager nor want to right now!! Or maybe I do as he might sleep all of the time and I'll get some sleep...

Bella yes, once he's a teenager he will sleep endlessly!

cuirderussie That sounds like heaven right about now....I forget what a full nights sleep feel like.

I wish I'd had less. One is causing no end of trouble and it's causing me terrible mental health issues. I just don't know what to do and no one cares about me. Already staying married for them and now more trouble from this particular child.

ElephantsandTigers it sounds like you're having a rough time at the moment. I'm sorry your having trouble in your marriage and with one of your children. In my experience two happy parents is better than two miserable ones staying together for the sake of the children. Do you have any friends you can reach out to?

I don't have many friends and none I could trust with this latest difficulty tbh . Whenever I consider separating my children come to mind and I can't do it. Thank you for the & for you too.

Thank you I could do with a glass tonight!
I'm so sorry for you and hope things improve soon. Hopefully you're getting some time to yourself as I always find a little 'me time' makes a lot of difference.

I don't get any. TBH I'm really down tonight and if anything else happens I'm off. Sorry to bring down your interesting thread

Sorry to read that @ElephantsandTigers can you talk to a HV or similar about how your feeling? Or someone at a group or children's centre?