Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Could you be happy if you went back and didn't have children?

116 replies

dw4518 · 06/09/2017 19:35

I recently made a thread asking for guidance on the decision to have children, and I wanted to ask this follow on question.

For those of you with children, could you see yourself being happy if you went back and didn't have children?

As in if you were to somehow go back in time, and chose not to have children, do you think you would be just as happy/less happy? And why?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

lljkk · 06/09/2017 19:47

YES. would be just as happy. Why not? I would have had much better sleep for last 18 yrs, for a start. Would have tried many more interesting things with my life. Wouldn't have stuck with DH. Not sure what country I'd be living in.

I'd still have a load of things to moan about.

Mothervulva · 06/09/2017 19:53

I think I'd be as happy. My partner and I would have moved abroad, we could have bought a flat in our preferred part of London, I wouldn't be tired most of the time, I wouldn't have fucked stomach muscles. And I'd have a small dog! I think there are lots of positive things when not having children.

redphonebox · 06/09/2017 19:59

Hmmmm. Maybe. But only if I could somehow know just how truly hard parenting can be, so I could feel lucky I wasn't going through it. And yet somehow have known this and yet at the same time not have known my DD, as now I've had her in my life there is no way I could be without her as even though the hard times are really hard the good times are really really good.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Snap8TheCat · 06/09/2017 20:01

No I wouldn't. I would yearn for children and it would consume my life to the point of unhappiness. I had children literally as soon as I could and they are my life.

TwinkleTwinkleLittleEtoile · 06/09/2017 20:02

Yes, I think I'd be very happy. Happy in a different way, but I'd have a good life. Of course, if I'd not been able to have children and wanted them, there would have been some sad times. But overall, I think I'd have been very content.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 06/09/2017 20:05

I chose to have dc in my mid twenties, as the urge was so huge! If I couldn't have them, I would have been devsastated.

But I would hope I would get over it, eventually and have been happy. It would have just been a very different life.

greendale17 · 06/09/2017 20:07

No, no way

expatinscotland · 06/09/2017 20:09

Yes. Moot point, though.

SayNoToCarrots · 06/09/2017 20:09

MorrisZapp · 06/09/2017 20:10

Yes absolutely.

MandalaYogaTapestry · 06/09/2017 20:11

Absolutely not. The older my children get, the more I love, admire them and treasure our time together (they are 10 and 14).

TheBigPickle · 06/09/2017 20:11

Yes I think I could. It would be different but I am sure I would have been happy. I would have focused more on my career which I love and I would have travelledmore

AnyFucker · 06/09/2017 20:12

Yes, but only because I know what I know now

PacificDogwod · 06/09/2017 20:12

I had had 4 MMCs and was in my mid-30s by then, so had to really consider the possibility that I may never have kids.
It was a loss, a grief - but then it happened anyway, so I never had to really confront the reality of never having children.

Life is not a rehearsal. There is no second chance or a way to go back and do things differently - I know that.
But - I do think that I would have been ok without kids.
I am intrinsically lazy and a bit self-centred and I would have found many ways to fill my life with meaning and purpose.
I have never in my life been broody and I have always had to 'get through' the baby and toddler stage.
I am really enjoying my school-aged/teenaged sons now.
And my long game is maybe one day being involved in their families' lives.

I could never see myself without younger family in my old age - that was the main driver behind wanting to start a family, it was never about 'having a baby' iykwim.

I think I read your other thread - are you only 25?
There is not necessarily a right time to have children, but if you are the age I think you are, you do have a bit of time, so no need to put yourself under pressure.

PurpleDaisies · 06/09/2017 20:13

I don't think that question's really answerable.

People do make the choice not to have children and are happy. Only you and your husband can decide.

Itmustbemyage · 06/09/2017 20:14

Yes, happy in a different way.

JudgeRulesNutterButter · 06/09/2017 20:15

No. I don't think I could have got over "the urge" without a shitload of pain and heartbreak which would have basically eroded the potential benefits of no children.

If I'd made the decision from my own personal choice then I would have been happy. But assuming it was the result of infertility or an unwilling DH, then that would have been years of agonising over whether/when to give up.

Theycalledmethewildrose · 06/09/2017 20:16

Yes and probably much happier without all the worries and anxiety involved in being a parent.

Yogagirl123 · 06/09/2017 20:16

Having my children has made my life, I was happy before with DH, but even happier with my two DS' in our lives as well.

Longdistance · 06/09/2017 20:16

Yes, I'd still be in my fantastic job, earning good money, instead of being home festering whilst Dhs career takes off

I'll go suck some more 🍋🍋

Dominithecat · 06/09/2017 20:16

Nope, I would have still had them. Later by about 10 years granted. But definitely would still have had children.

NicolasFlamel · 06/09/2017 20:18

Yes.
Obviously now I have them I love them and the thought of losing them is horrific BUT if it was a back in time scenario where I wouldn't even know about them then yes I think I could be happier.
Less tired, less stressed, less guilty. I underestimated a lot of things about being a parent. Mainly the emotional side of it all I think.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 06/09/2017 20:19

Yes, different but happy. My career would have continued (DS has ASD and it was helpful for him to have me around more so I became a SAHM).

We adopted children after we had been married for a long time (I think 14 or 15 years) so we were comfortable with out life before DC. We had a lot of fertility treatment and quite a few miscarriages, but I have no regrets about not having had birth children. Oddly, I find it very hard to think about my children living with another family if they weren't with us. I think because the birth children that I didn't have don't exist, whereas my children would still exist if we hadn't adopted them, they would just be somewhere else.

Ellieboolou27 · 06/09/2017 20:19

Probably not, although I'm not always happy now I have my kids [grin
I daydream of a life where I can go to the toilet in peace, have a lie in etc, but deep down I think I'd feel bitter and regretful if I didn't have my children.

DontbouncelikeIdid · 06/09/2017 20:20

No way. I love being a Mum. I would have really struggled if I hadn't been lucky enough to have DS.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5