Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Could you be happy if you went back and didn't have children?

116 replies

dw4518 · 06/09/2017 19:35

I recently made a thread asking for guidance on the decision to have children, and I wanted to ask this follow on question.

For those of you with children, could you see yourself being happy if you went back and didn't have children?

As in if you were to somehow go back in time, and chose not to have children, do you think you would be just as happy/less happy? And why?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

FlippertyJibbet · 06/09/2017 20:21

I think I would have been happy without kids. I'm certain my marriage wouldn't have fallen apart (I had birth injuries which meant no sex for 18 months, dh had to be my carer and primary career for dc1, we both lost our careers and I resents having to be a sahm in order for dh to get career back on track).

I'm very close to my niece and nephews. I genuinely love them as my own. As long as I still had them I'd be happy and don't think I'd yearn for dc's of my own.

EmeraldIsle100 · 06/09/2017 20:22

I think if I went back in time I would still have wanted children. If by magic I could have seen what was ahead of me I probably wouldn't have had them. Now that they are here I don't wish they don't exist but I would genuinely like them to leave home and hope that happens in the next couple of years max.

I don't doubt my love for them I have just had enough now. I would like to press 'resume' on my life. I would love to be child free now. I am ready for the next stage of my life as a 50 year old.

Chrisinthemorning · 06/09/2017 20:23

No, DS is the joy of my life. We suffered infertility and losses to get him.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

QueenieMum · 06/09/2017 20:23

I would be far less happy. I always wanted children and would've been devastated if I couldn't have them. The process of trying brought more pain than I thought I could handle but I was one of the lucky ones and have a DD now. Yes it's hard - sleep deprivation, less money, seemingly endless frustrations - but my DD adds an element to my life I couldn't replicate any other way. Having DD made me realise how little I did before her so if I could go back I'd go on more nights out, holidays, weekends away, etc but I would still have had children. I feel much more fulfilled and that my life has more meaning and focus. I wandered aimlessly through life before.

Silverthorn · 06/09/2017 20:23

No I would not. Now I have met my dc and know them I could not imagine life without their existence. Pre dc I was very happy with my work life balance. Had loads of hobbies, a career, could go to the pub (or anywhere) at the drop of a hat, etc. I didn't yearn for children but there was always the thought what if? When trying for kids I did think, if nothing happened then maybe kids weren't for me and I would have carried on climbing, mtbiking, work. Dh would have been gutted.
First dc was very hard system shock. Second slotted in easily.
Both almost out of babyhood and can see they are going to be a lot easier, I can resume hobbies when they start school. We don't have any family support but most of our friends had babies at the same time so are all in a similar position iyswim.
If I could go back and not know my kids then maybe I would choose not to. For example, hormones are making me quite want a third. Dh is dead set against. So we will not have another. If i get pg accidentally I would not terminate because I feel that life is already started iyswim. (Not against abortion btw I am pro choice)
Anyway, that was waffly and I'm not sure if it helps you.
Children change your life massively. Everything is much harder. If you a struggling emotionally, financially or relationship then adding dependants wont help. However, they are also an immeasurable joy even at their worst.

Shockers · 06/09/2017 20:25

I don't think so. Our children have brought so much joy and activity to our lives. I have truly loved watching them grow and develop into amazing people.

Mine aren't all mine by birth, and I feel that if we hadn't taken the path we have as a couple/family, I would probably still be in the same mindset professionally... which is still very much to do with the emotional and academic growth of children.

cheeseandbiscuitsplease1 · 06/09/2017 20:25

No, I only have 1 child and she's a toddler but I love my life so much more as a parent. It's much more enjoyable that i thought it would be. I was quite late having children and I was always looking for fulfillment in my life from work, friends, activities and never seemed to find it. (Despite being very happily married).Then I had my dd and realised that was what I was missing. Of course I'm not saying that you can't be happy without children but for me personally I am.

AldiAisleOfCrap · 06/09/2017 20:29

No absolutely not, a life without children would have been unbearable.

Bin85 · 06/09/2017 20:30

No I don't think so
I was so miserable trying to conceive DC1
Luckily others followed rather quickly
I now have DGC too who I love to bits
Maybe we would have adopted or fostered.....

PurpleDaisies · 06/09/2017 20:30

Op on your other thread you said you had no desire to be a mother. These posters who have had children clearly did. You're better asking people who chose not to have children if they're happy with their life.

Littleelffriend · 06/09/2017 20:31

Yes from me. Absolutely yes

Maryhadalittlelamb12 · 06/09/2017 20:33

I wouldn't be the person i am now. But I wouldn't know about her. So yes, I think I'd be fine.

And yet, not to know my daughter. Wow. My daughter less world would not be as good

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 06/09/2017 20:35

No, I don't think I could. I love my DH but the feeling I get from being a parent couldn't be replicated in travel or lifestyle or anything else, I think.

ifcatscouldtalk · 06/09/2017 20:43

I think if I had never had my daughter I would still have rose tinted specs on and be incredibly bitter about missing out. I think if I could go back I'd still have my child but would have waited till I was older. I was fairly young and very naive when I had her.

TeacupsAndDaffodils · 06/09/2017 20:43

No, I wouldn't ever want a life without my children. I think my life wouldn't be as happy without them but I would get more sleep.

PolarBearGoingSomewhere · 06/09/2017 20:48

I really really actively wanted children. I didn't just do it because it was the logical next step. My DH os wonderful but one of the reasons I found him so attractive and wanted to marry him was that he shared those ambitions to have several children and raise them together.

I would have been heartbroken not to have children.

mrsRosaPimento · 06/09/2017 20:54

No. It sounds a bit hippie, but I found out who I really am since I had dcs. My parents are abusive. Having dcs made me realise, as my relationship, behaviour and feelings with them are so different to what I had growing up. That realisation made me end the mentally damaging relationship I had with them. My dcs don't 'complete me'. I have separate interests and my own life. But thank goodness for them.
Since I was little I yearned for dcs. I would have done anything to become a mother.

QuietNinjaTardis · 06/09/2017 20:54

Only if I went back but instead of desperately wanting children I didn't want them.
As much as my kids piss me off on a daily basis, they are my life. I would lay down my life for them. There is no one else I feel that way about so no I wouldn't go back.

timeisnotaline · 06/09/2017 20:58

I don't think so. Not in the same 'I am so so lucky to have this amazing life.' However I would have been happier without children than I imagine life being without them because now I really understand the enormous place in my heart they fill (and create - I didn't exactly have a gap before!) and what I would have missed out on.

HMC2000 · 06/09/2017 21:41

No. And yes. Honestly, if I'd taken the path I planned for without dd, I would definitely feel happy and fulfilled. But I wouldn't know what I was missing out on: it’s only having a child that has made me realise just how happy and fulfilled it is possible to be - and yes, that is despite missing out on the things on that other path. Sorry for how incredibly cheesy that is, but I can't imagine crying with joy over anything but dd. She’s 10 now, and no one makes me feel like she does. She’s awesome.

HMC2000 · 06/09/2017 21:43

time - precisely!

Graceflorrick · 06/09/2017 21:44

No, never.

DixieNormas · 06/09/2017 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bobbyshafter · 06/09/2017 21:47

No, my son brings me so much joy and happiness. I cannot wait to wake up in the morning to see him and he makes my heart melt to look at him.

corythatwas · 06/09/2017 21:49

If I hadn't had dc I would have put everything into my academic career and have written more of what I wanted to write by now. But then again, I can get a lot done now they're grown up, just by pushing myself harder. It would only have been more of the same, anyway.

I don't think dh's and my relationship would have been as good without all the joint memories and that sense of having worked together to raise our family. We'd be fond of each other, I'm sure, but have less in common and less to celebrate.

And I have found life with children very interesting, my horizons have widened, I have enjoyed the challenges and the fun.

I could probably have had an easier life without children, but then I never particularly wanted an easy life: I wanted an interesting one where I felt my abilities were being put to full use. And I've had that.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5