Could you be happy if you went back and didn't have children?

[dw4518]

I recently made a thread asking for guidance on the decision to have children, and I wanted to ask this follow on question.

For those of you with children, could you see yourself being happy if you went back and didn't have children?

As in if you were to somehow go back in time, and chose not to have children, do you think you would be just as happy/less happy? And why?

No, I doubt it. Though I had and still have a career I love and a strong, long marriage with DH, without doubt the deepest, greatest fulfilment I've ever known has been through having children. It created a depth of love I didn't know I possessed, a strength of character I'd never needed before and made me far less self-absorbed and neurotic, far more level headed and calm.
I'd have an interesting life without kids, as my career has always been fascinating. But it wouldn't be anywhere near as ahppy.

No, I'd feel completely empty without them.

My son is the absolute light of my life, and I adore him. But, I think I would have been happy without children. Without meaning to sound like a dick, you don't know what you're missing until you have a child, and I was happy before he arrived so I would have continued to be happy. But now I know the joy children bring I am so, so glad we had him.

I wouldn't have had as much joy in my life, but yeah, happiness would have been entirely possible. It mostly depends on how much you actually consciously want children before they arrive.

My Mum adopted me as she couldn't have DCs of her own. We don't talk about it often but she's admitted to always feeling jealous and bitter that she wasn't able to conceive and carry a child. Even now 30 plus years on she still carries that anger. That could have an enormous impact on the happiness you're able to feel.

No. Can't imagine that at all. I'm not looking forward to them growing up and moving on. It's why I had another baby last year after a 10 year gap!

No. Every new baby would be torture. We'd have spent a fortune on fertility treatments. DH would find it harder to cope than me I think - which would have put enormous pressure on our marriage.

I also would be very dissatisifed with work I think - I love my work at the moment, but wierdly I got more fond of it after having children. I think having my personal life fulfilled meant that any niggling doubts about whether my steer path was right for me just fell away. It's hard to describe but I just love the part of my life that's for work now, whereas if it was all I had I'd be filled with doubts.

Steer path = career path

I'm not a cowgirl. There'd be no doubts about my career if I were 😂

Yes, in a lot of ways I'd be happier than I am now. Slimmer, more money, holidays abroad and every weekend/holiday to relax and focus on me.

I don't regret having him for a second though, he's worth it.

Could I have been happy without children?

I had a biological/hormonal urge to have children, so no I wouldn't have been happy without them unless that urge could have been removed somehow.

Also, I had NO IDEA how difficult it would be (both DCs have been dreadful sleepers, DD1 was premature and has mild SN). So if I didn't have DC, I would still have the rose tinted spectacles and would imagine I was missing out on having a lovely easy routine-following baby (ha!).

If you could take away the biological urge, and give me full knowledge of what it is really like... I wouldn't have had DC. In fact I think without the biological urge it would be crazy to have DC.

No I don't think so. I think I was coasting and waiting for something to happen. For many years I wasn't sure what and invested a lot of happy energy into work. That was great and I am pleased I did it but it was like a knawing dissatisfaction. An itch really.

I now have two with the littlest being not quite three months and I am very contended. Obviously I am tired and I view the immediate re years ahead with apprehension but I know deep down that this is what I was waiting to do.

There was an event last year that had it gone a different way for me, we would have stayed with one child. I am so very, very glad that things appeared not to go my way at the time.

I am extremely relieved as I was completely torn as to whether number 2 would be the right choice.

OP I haven't read the full thread but I had difficulties conceiving and had fertility treatment. If it hadn't of worked I don't think I would be happy now. The desire to have children can be extremely strong when it does kick in so do be careful about leaving it too late.

I have a career and I doubt that I would be happy with it being my most important thing.

It's a very personal thing and there is no right or wrong answer but maybe you should also consider how you would feel in retirement etc

Having said that kids can be really challenging and hard work.

I always knew I wanted kids, since before I was a teenager, so "no" from me.

Knowing what I know now, yes I would be happy. Ie I know how much hard work and expense and other issues children come with.

However, because I wouldn't know because I hadn't experienced it, no I would probably be miserable and longing for a baby.

I didn't think I wanted kids but got to my late 20's and just felt a bit lost and lacking direction, also nothing excited me anymore if that makes any sense.

Now I have DD I feel a lot more settled and like she was the thing that was missing, I just didn't know it. Definitely more tired though and look forward to getting my sleep back one day!

Yes, me and my husband both miss the days when it was just the two of us and we could stay in bed all day on our days off, go on trips away, and had more money. But, we were (still are lol) in love, and having a baby just felt right somehow. We hadnt been together long before i got pregnant so maybe thats why we feel a bit like that sometimes, but i wouldnt change a thing now 😊

No I'm much happier being a mum. Although I miss drunken nights out, my very good job, holidays and weekend lay-ins, my daughter brings me more happiness than I ever thought a child would.