Advice for first time mums

[Lemondrop99]

I'm due to have my first baby in a few weeks. I know that having a newborn can come with a lot of conflicting unsolicited advice!

If you had to pick, what was the one best bit of advice you were given, and the one worst bit?

Best advice: batch cooking and stocking freezer for when we got home. All we had to do the first week was defrost something every morning!

Worst: "remember the priority is that the baby is fed and cuddled" er.. There goes my plan of letting them fend for themselves then! 😉

I wish someone had told me that some nappies have yellow strips on them which turn blue when baby has done a wee. The best bit of advice was every midwife/HCP you see will give you different advice on breast feeding so don't worry when this happens.

Best advice I had: 'everything is a phase'. That phrase has helped me navigate some tough patches knowing that it will pass and also helped me to appreciate the nice settled phases while they last!

Worst advice : sleep when the baby sleeps

Easier said than done, and then when you do fall asleep, baby wakes you up and you feel worse than ever!

Best advice: go for a walk. The fresh air does wonders for your mood :)

Best advice: be kind to yourself.

Worst advice: (more of a comment really) at 2 weeks old 'is she sleeping through yet and are you getting out much?'

Best advice: in the first trimester, just do what it takes to get through the day. Let baby sleep on you, feed as often as baby wants, eat crap, whatever. Just let baby lead and don't worry about the future or creating 'habits' or any of that rubbish. Read (a bit) about the fourth trimester and just go with the flow. Also, get some fresh air every day.

Worst advice: anything involving the phrase 'rod for your own back'.

And by 'first trimester', I mean first twelve weeks with a newborn obvs. Gah.

Advice is just the that advice. I filtered out all the rubbish stuff.

The biggest thing I have learnt is that parenting is a relationship. It does not matter what you want to do if the other person (your baby) is not on board with it.

The biggest thing I have learnt is that parenting is a relationship. It does not matter what you want to do if the other person (your baby) is not on board with it.

Yes, this. Parenting a baby is about getting to know the person who is suddenly in your life and what they are telling you about what they need, not about 'teaching' them what they "should" be doing and getting them to fit a textbook routine. So I suppose my best advice is listen to your baby, not your baby books. :)

I have 2 kids and didn't know that about nappies changing colour when they wee 🙈

If you're planning on breastfeeding: start expressing a bit of milk early on and have your OH take over the first night shift. Put earplugs in and sleep for a good stretch of time every evening, no matter what. You have no idea what difference it makes to have a reasonable amount of sleep. People will tell you to wait with bottles because of 'nipple confusion' but we have never had any problems and I honestly don't think it's as common as people think. (We started expressing / feeding one bottle at one week old)

Best advice: go with the flow, trust your instincts, watch the osteopath YouTube video about how the way you change the nappy can cause colic, learn to breastfeed lying down as it's easier, buy 'where's spot ', try and brush teeth/ shower as soon as you get up or you might not get a chance.

Worst advice: Sleep when the baby sleeps, wake the baby up to change it's nappy, get your newborn into a routine, crying is good for baby's lungs, breastfeeding causes periods to stop (didn't for me), don't rock/ feed baby to sleep as it's a rod for your own back.

Best advice - read up about the 4th trimester

Worst advice - doing this, that and the other 'will make a rod for your own back' Nothing makes a rod for your own back with a newborn!

My mother told me to put a warm hot water bottle in cot/ Moses basket 5 minutes before putting baby down remove it they don't notice the lack of body heat and sleep

I think for the first 3 mths, "fourth trimester" covers it.

Baby may want to be near you ALL the time, may sleep on you, feed little and very often. Just go with it, watch TV, hold baby, feed, sleep. Everything else can wait.

If you can, a little walk and fresh air every day is good.

Really the newborn part is a tiny part of the big picture of parenting but when you're in it, it's all consuming. Don't worry, you'll get your life back one day.

Oh, and those little baby popper vests are designed to pull DOWN over the legs, if there's a poo explosion. Alas I didnt learn that till my youngest DS was 3.5 and long out of popper vests... How I wish I'd known that for the Great Poo Explosion of 2010, yes DD I am looking at you. I don't think I could ever visit the Liverpool Maritime Museum again, I'm still traumatised.

Ha, I didn't know that about the popper vests! Noted!

I wish I'd known more about feeding and what needs to happen in the first few days get your milk going. The absolute basics of baby needing to be on the boob A LOT to give your boobs the message to get to work seem to have escaped me despite attending antenatal classes.

Best advice: you know your baby best/sometimes what's best for you is what is best for baby.

Worst: breastfeeding isn't supposed to hurt. It would have much better if they were honest and said 'it fucking kills for a few weeks and then it gets better' instead of the bullshit.

Everything that sluttybartfast said!!

I wish I had known that a newborn needs to sleep all the time. Literally, wake, feed, nappy change, sleep.. repeat. My baby got so over tired around the 8 week mark I didn't know why she screamed all day, I was convinced she was in pain. Sleep is key.

Buy a sling and take absolutely no notice of any "advice" including the statement rod for you own back. Just get through it.

Oh and your newborn will mostly be awake for large portions of the night to start with, totally normal. Again, it's just a phase and it will pass!

Good luck

Agree with Amatree and MamaHanji on the breastfeeding bit. There needs to be more honesty about breastfeeding. Yes it is natural etc etc but it is HARD and PAINFUL ( and hopefully sorts itself out by 6-8 weeks).

My best piece of advice is to ignore any arsey behaviour or mean words you or your partner say or do to each other at 3am.

You will be sleep deprived. You will speak to each other harshly.

Just let it go.

2. Only breastfeed if you want to. I felt intense pressure from midwives, the health visitor and my husband to continue breastfeeding even though I absolutely hated it. Your body, your choice.

Best advice from my midwife to stay in bed for the first week and on the sofa in PJs for the second week, and eat really well after the birth (4 meals a day, lots of healthy food, hot drinks) It made an amazing difference to my post birth recovery mentally and physically.

Worst advice was "put your baby down drowsy but awake or you'll make a rod for your own back" from health visitor when I had a two week old baby. She never did tell me what to do when baby immediately wakes up and screams their head off!

Thanks all. Some really great stuff in here. Eeeep to EIGHT weeks of pain before breastfeeding settles down 😱 No wonder so many women quit.

Sorry Lemondrop99 - I didn't want to scare you on the breastfeeding- you may take to it easier than me and others, so it may be less than 8 weeks before it all sorts itself out. Fingers crossed for you. Everyone is different !

lemondrop I have a 2 week old so could be wrong but bf hit peak pain at day 7-10 then started to improve. Get all the help you can- bf support groups, peer support etc.

Come up with a visitor strategy with your partner so you both know when the other has had enough. I messed up feeding because we let some guests cuddle DS for hours and I then was engorged with an upset baby. Short but sweet is best for visitors!