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Original poster

Advice for first time mums

66 replies

Lemondrop99 · 04/08/2017 13:38

I'm due to have my first baby in a few weeks. I know that having a newborn can come with a lot of conflicting unsolicited advice!

If you had to pick, what was the one best bit of advice you were given, and the one worst bit?

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user1493413286 · 05/08/2017 05:53

Best - trust your instincts and take any and all help offered. It takes a village to raise children, we aren't supposed to do it completely independently and it just makes it harder if you expect you can.

Worst - anything to do with getting a baby into a sleep and feeding routine. You and your baby will find your own routine at some point but don't put pressure on yourself to do that with a newborn.

Ps. I didn't have pain with breastfeeding so I think it depends on the person

user1480334601 · 05/08/2017 07:23

Best advice: you can't plan or prepare anything, it's best to go with the flow each day in the early months. This was so true you really can't plan anything, baby rules the roost :) if you keep laid back and open minded about it all instead of trying to fight into what they "should" be like you'll find it easier hopefully. All they really want is fed, changed, cuddled and loved.

Worst advice: Breastfeeding is magical and easy. I want to a 2 hour long antenatal class about breastfeeding and had the benefits repeatedly told to us, and from the class I assumed once you got the handling and latching on sorted you'd just get on with it and all would be great

In hospital though I was surrounded with women worrying they weren't producing enough and hungry crying babies. When the nurses expressed me, my nipple produced the tiniest pin prick of milk which I felt noway was enough for my baby. But the nurses assured us this was normal. I found it too hard having my new baby screaming from hunger and me not being able to feed her, and added on top of the pain I was in after emergency c section and the lack of sleep I gave in and gave her formula next day. She went from stressed to content in minutes and was definitely the right choice for me. HOWEVER I think if I had been prepared and expecting that first few days of not producing much etc I might have managed to power through.

AprilShowers16 · 05/08/2017 07:35

Everything is a phase - this has got me through many a long night or weird phase

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INeedNewShoes · 05/08/2017 09:00

The visitors thing as Uggs mentions is a really really good point. For the first week at least visitors are best kept to a minimum and the sort of visitors who will come in and put the kettle on and make you a cup of tea and not hog the baby as the distraction of playing host to visitors and trying to make sure everyone gets their cuddle with baby can interfere with feeding at a crucial time.

INeedNewShoes · 05/08/2017 09:03

Re breastfeeding pain, for me the first week was toe-curling pain at the point of baby latching on (but it does improve after baby has been latched for a minute or two) but this got gradually better until by about 4 weeks it was fine. Take a tube of Lansinoh to hospital with you and be diligent about applying it.

Bobbiepin · 05/08/2017 10:06

These are great. I literally read the thing about putting baby down drowsy but not asleep last night so good to know that doesn't work all the time.

Jennyhatesjazz0 · 05/08/2017 11:40

Buy more muslins than you ever think you'll need. They're amazing.

Buy some tea tree oil and have a bath in it every day if you can for about a week post birth, really helps any wounds!

Stock up on pain killers and take them every day for at least a week post birth, just to keep the aches at bay

If you're planning on breastfeeding, lansinoh is your best friend

Batch cook, it will save your sanity

Babies don't do much. Don't worry about entertaining them.

I second getting your partner to give a bottle as soon as you can, we had zero nipple confusion here and he had bottles from day three

Laurah1979 · 05/08/2017 21:10

You cannot spoil a baby, babies are not manipulative and you aren't "making a rod for your own back". Don't worry about what other people are doing, do what feels right for you and your baby and try and enjoy it. It is amazing.

YokoReturns · 05/08/2017 21:12

Best advice: Google 4th trimester and make those first weeks all cuddly and cosy with your newborn.

Worst advice: where do I start? Grin

YokoReturns · 05/08/2017 21:13

X-post with balloon - it really is worth doing though! Smile

Beansprout30 · 05/08/2017 21:20

This isn't necessarily for newborn but during first 6-8 months I stressed about routines, naps, bad habits etc etc, I wish I hadn't worried about any of that because these things just fall into place in their own when baby is ready. Enjoy all the snuggles in the early days as they really do go quick.

The one thing I remember reading (maybe in mn) is 'the days are long, but the years are short' - so true.

Oh and sleep deprivation really is tortuous but it will get easier

Pixie2015 · 05/08/2017 21:29

Firstly do what works for you.
I agree T tree oil is lovely for bath post birth body shop do a range of products.
Buy lots of maternity towels.
Take lots of baby wipes to hospital meconiun is messy.
A good cushion to support both breast and bottle feeding.
If breast feeding make sure you have lots of good programmes to watch.
Chocolate 🍫

Hope all goes well x

troodiedoo · 05/08/2017 21:41

Have a box of nappy changing bits, clean vests and bibs etc in every room you spend any amount of time in. As well as water and snacks if you're are bf ing.

GiveMeTheTeaAndNobodyGetsHurt · 05/08/2017 21:46

Best advice: remember that everyone is winging it.

Worst advice: cherish every moment. Usually given by people who have forgotten the sleeplessness, relentlessness and tedium of much of early parenthood, and can only remember the good bits. There are many good bits, and you will get through the rest, even though you may not always see it. Don't expect more of yourself than that.

rachrach2 · 05/08/2017 22:02

Best advice - hold a pad over stitches when trying to poo for the first time. When my stitches hurt, the midwife suggested feeding lying down on my side, brilliant. There's a book called keep calm and trust your instincts (or similar) written by a GP and I enjoyed that.

Worst for me was scare stories about breastfeeding, while its important to know the issues that can happen and where to go for support, I was convinced it was going to be awful and really painful and it wasn't. It made me quite anxious the thought of it. I did do the breastfeeding class and spent ages getting the latch right (and lansinoh ointment before and after every feed).

That, and being told to put my 2 week old on her front as she didn't sleep through yet (?!).

Original poster
Lemondrop99 · 05/08/2017 22:20

More great stuff here. Thank you.

I'm going to have to start making a list of box sets to watch during the 4th trimester!

First post-labour poo! Eeep

OP posts:
Summerof85 · 05/08/2017 22:28

There will be so much advice from people! I think - don't expect the baby to sleep through the night (unto at least 6 months - oops did I say that??!!) Every baby is different, my two were! Trust your instincts - if you think they need to get seen by a doctor then do it and don't let people fob you off.
Don't let visitors stay too long- you will need a nap or two during the day!
Breast feeding is hard but it does get easier.
Enjoy your time with your baby Flowers

YouCantArgueWithStupid · 05/08/2017 22:31

@Summerof85 my DD is 2 and still doesn't sleep through the night! 😂

Best advice: do what you need to do to survive

Worst advice: anything your MIL says 😂

sprinklemonkey · 05/08/2017 22:33

best: just keep doing it, until it feels normal - this advice made me feel so much better when I was all out of sorts after having a baby. It does start to feel normal, eventually - you just have to keep going till it does.

worst: "it doesn't get any easier when they are older" (from parents of 4 year olds, 2 year olds, 8 year olds etc etc) - load of rubbish, it defintiely definitely does get easier and easier with time.... and yes it changes, and each age has its challenges, but it DOES get easier.

sprinklemonkey · 05/08/2017 22:40

also worst, from a midwife: "Wake the baby up for a feed after 4 hours if he hasn't woken up" - about my newborn. I did and he screamed for 24 hours! Let sleeping babies sleep!! (unless there's a good medical reason to wake them)...babies know when they need to sleep / eat etc. Always trust your own judgement when it comes to unsolicited advice - use your instinct.

TheBadgersMadeMeDoIt · 05/08/2017 23:05

Best: Leave the parenting books alone. None of it will be applicable to you unless you can get the baby to read the same books.

That, and wee in the shower until your stitches heal.

Worst: Don't let baby sleep too much in the daytime or she won't sleep at night.

Utter bollocks.

Georgieporgypuddinandpie · 05/08/2017 23:21

Wait... What... Nappies change colour when they wee?? I never knew that Confused

Best advice: you don't need to be perfect. As long as you love your baby and are doing your best, don't beat yourself up for small slip ups and frustrations along the way.
Also, you really don't have to enjoy every single moment of parenthood. There's a lot of boring, weary frustrating moments made bearable by the wonderful ones.

Worst advice: decide on a routine and stick to it.... You are in charge not them!
Right! Have you ever tried telling a two week old baby what to do? Hmm

yourewelcome · 06/08/2017 05:53

Best: comparison is the thief of joy. Your pregnancy, your birth, your baby is unique. Someone else might have an easy baby. It doesn't mean you've done anything wrong. And practical advice feed, feed, feed. If in doubt feed again.

Worst: anything that goes against your instinct. Just because someone's had a baby before doesn't mean they know better than you.

Spam88 · 06/08/2017 06:34

Lots of good advice here :)

I'd add that when you have visitors just carry on as if they're not there. If you need to nap then go nap, feed baby when it needs it etc. I didn't do this and it really messes things up.

Worst advice, every single fucking midwife saying 'just enjoy her'. Easy to say but not particularly helpful when my nipples are bleeding, I'm still too sore to sit down and I'm sleep deprived 😑

Blondefancy · 06/08/2017 06:54

Advice I would give is that if your baby is arching back and looking in pain whilst feeding accompanied by continuous need for burping (and throwing up after meals ALOT.) Do not let anyone fool you this is colic it's probably reflux, go visit GP to make sure they don't need to be on medication 😊
I was told countless times by family that my dd had colic and that she just needed to be 'rocked' in actuality she had reflux and needed to be sat upright a lot and winded 🙄 Listen to your baby! Luckily I came to my senses only 3 weeks down the line