Advice for first time mums

[Lemondrop99]

I'm due to have my first baby in a few weeks. I know that having a newborn can come with a lot of conflicting unsolicited advice!

If you had to pick, what was the one best bit of advice you were given, and the one worst bit?

Oh another one from me

I'm if breastfeeding, stock up on snacks. Breastfeeding made me ravenous. I would go through 5-6 brunch bars in the middle of the night feeds ands litres of water! It was actually quite scary how hungry it made me!

Have a game plan for falling back to sleep as quick as poss between night feeds. Lavender oil, bach sleep remedies that sort of thing. Sometimes it was hard to get back to sleep after night time feeds. I can sleep literally anytime and any place now though lol.

Best advice: if in doubt offer them a boob ( 9 times out of 10 this was what all three of mine wanted) from my mum who had had a hellish time with my elder brother when trying to breast feed because the midwife (35 years ago) had told her that he'd only need feeding every four hours.

Worst: they'll never learn to self soothe if you don't let them cry- told to me when DD was 2 weeks old.

Worst advice ever is the put them to sleep "drowsy but awake" bollocks, followed by "don't feed to sleep, then they'll need it every time they wake". Bar a few horrible evenings where I tried to follow said advice, I've fed my 9 month to sleep then transferred him to cot/crib successfully every night of his life and he's starting to sleep through.

Best advice, linked to the above - do what works right now to maximise your sleep. The world will seem a better place.

The best advice that I've learned over the past months is to trust your instincts, and take all advice (including mine ) with a pinch of salt as you will know your baby best. You'll be the one dealing with any bad advice fall out at 3am.

Also, very important. Always keep your phone charged - you never know when you'll be trapped beneath a sleeping baby!

Best advice: it's perfectly normal to wonder what on earth you've done three or four days into having a newborn, and think you've made the worst mistake ever. This passes - but if it doesn't, it might be post-natal depression.

I think I've forgotten the worst advice, but I'm sure there was plenty. Ultimately it's about doing what works for you and your baby, from whether to breastfeed to whether you choose to go back to work, etc etc. Noone else.

Best advice is to make sure you have plenty of water, a snack and the remote control in reach before sitting down to feed.

Worst thing is to read every book going and listen to smug people at baby groups whow claim to have a routine from 2 weeks. Babies eventually settle into their own routine with naps etc although it does help to have a bedtime ritual of bath, quiet time etc.

The advice I would give my past self is to be flexible. It's great to read up about things and decide you will/won't have a dummy, will/won't Co sleep and so forth. But you'll save yourself a hell of a lot of stress and bother if you're willing to change your mind if things aren't working out.

If you're having a girl, they sometimes have a little bit of bleeding from the vagina (like a mini period) at a few days old. This is because of your hormones passed to the baby. No need to panic if you see a small amount of blood in the nappy (but obvs should be checked if sustained/heavy). Also, the baby's genitals (boy or girl) are often swollen at birth.

I didn't like the lasinoh nipple cream much. These were expensive but well worth it.

Best bit of advice was not to faff around trying to "settle" the baby.

Worst bit, from my mum, was to start potty training at a year old.

I agree with others a great bit of advice for me was to consider the first 12 weeks as the 4th trimester, don't worry too much about routines or achieving much more than a change of pjs as you support the baby to feed and sleep and grow.
One midwife gave me a tip of bouncing on yoga ball to help settle my colicky newborn- great advice as she was born in winter and we were in a small flat and I was also knackered- easier than taking her out for a walk or pacing up and down the flat!
Friend also gave me a bedside lamp that turned on dimly first, made nighttime waking less disturbing for me and dd, great gift from a fellow parent!
I also was recently given the tip about investing in a long mobile phone power lead- great advice as in the early days when baby nods off to sleep on your lap or if you are breastfeeding, your phone always seems to be on low battery and not quite able to stretch to your ear for some reason! Also a bag at your feet with water and snacks and the remote control is a great thing if you are breastfeeding.
Also I would say be shameless about asking for help in those first few weeks even if it's a mate to pop round and watch baby for 15 mins while you have a shower. If I could have a shower a day in the early days the world was ok!
No worst bit of advice- think I was lucky or just tuned it out!!

Enjoy your baby and trust your instincts. My son slept through on the first night home and was taking in very little milk. I was worried. It turned out he had jaundice and we were readmitted. If it doesn't feel right to you get it checked out.

I never could work out the whole "Sleep when the baby sleeps" thing.
So, your husband has finished his paternity leave and is rarely home before 7, all your friends are at work and you have no family anywhere near you. Someone has to cook food, do the laundry and do very basic housework so that the house does not actually become a health hazard!

The first two weeks are brutal, but it gets better! Good luck- it's amazing.

best; get an amazon prime subscription if you don't already have one. Helpful for many many things that can be delivered very quickly so you don't have to leave the house, and also to combat the "shit, maybe we should try an XYZ!" conversations you will likely have about why the baby isn't sleeping, feeding etc. Also key for boxset watching when you're glued to the sofa

worst; that an ELCS was a piece of piss in recovery.

Best: go with the flow and don't plan anything. Also happy mummy happy baby.

Worst: the conflicting info about Breastfeeding... and yes it does bloody hurt at first!

Buy organic coconut oil and use it for EVERYTHING!!!!
I had really sore breasts and it soothed them for my first then for my second it soothed stinging and burning when latching (doctors and breastfeeding support workers had no idea why it was hurting)!!!

Second the pp who mentioned organic coconut oil, boots do a really nice one in a purple tub. It also is amazing for any sore bums- both yours and baby's
The first 4 weeks are hard...I was winning if I brushed my teeth and had a shower in the morning, let alone eat!!
Don't be hard on yourself, go with the flow and just ENJOY your beautiful baby!