Under the sea or clouds and rainbows???

[MummyMiddleton]

Or baby boy is due on November 10th. We have a room for him but we don't want to buy and furniture or decor until we know what theme we are choosing. We are stuck between under the sea and clouds and rainbows. Both are equally cute.
We would paint the walls dark turquoise/aqua for under the sea and pale blue for clouds and rainbows. My mum has an art degree and will be painting the decor on top of the base colour (sea creatures and plants or clouds connected by rainbows).

If you had to choose, what would you go for?

You know what OP. You want to do it right, I understand that. None of us want to fuck it up and none of us were experts the first second, third whatever time around. It's a huge learning curve. The vast majority of the ideas I had when pregnant have been chucked out of the window because they didn't suit my child. I guarantee you will have the exact same experience, but you'll come to it on your own.
Something to bare in mind... If it was a simple as you think right now, you wouldn't be posting on here because here wouldn't exist. There would be no mumsnet if being a mum was as easy as following the evidence (or Jo Frost ).

Sirzy

No. If he was genuinely ill or upset about something then one of us would wake up and help him. But what im talking about on Supernanny is attention seeking. There is a difference between a child who is actually in need of something amd a child who is seeking attention

😂😂 supernanny

But a child often seeks attention for a reason.

If he came in in the middle of the night crying because he was bullied at school or he was in pain or ill then we would give him all our love.

But thats not the same as a child coming into your room winging "mummy, daddy. I want to sleep with you"
"Why?"
"Because I want too"

No. If he was genuinely ill or upset about something then one of us would wake up and help him. But what im talking about on Supernanny is attention seeking. There is a difference between a child who is actually in need of something amd a child who is seeking attention

How do you know what's genuine and what's attention seeking in a child that cannot vocalise their needs yet. And in fact attention seeking usually happens for a reason. If you read on here a lot of children start with attention seeking behaviour when changes happen, parents going back to work, relationship splits.

But to come in like that surely means they are craving love and attention? And you want to push him away when he does?

So a small child's wants are to be ignored? Children can't always articulate why they want or need something. Not all wants or needs can be articulated. Haven't you ever said to your partner 'I need a hug?' You can't or don't want to explain why, you just need it. Would you walk away from that?

Sirzy

Yes. Because they are bored or cross. But they can learn to not get these emotions so much if you help them by not giving in. Sometimes kids need a little tough love.

When I was 5 I was angry at my mum so I broke her favourite orniment. She canceled my 6th birthday party. I was in bits, but I never did anything that naughty ever again. I even apologized to her and gave her a hug

According to Dr Google attention seeking behaviour that is problematic can stem from poor attachment...

Being bored or cross are perfectly valid emotions, essential even.

That's fine you bring your child up to thing being ignored and unloved when needing love is normal. I hope your not back on here in 20 years wondering why he is cold towards you and doesn't care.

But there's a big difference between a 5 yo breaking an ornament in temper (though personally I would want to get to the bottom of it, not just punish arbitrarily) and a child needing their parent in the night. Particularly a very young child, a baby or toddler.

FormerlyFrikadela1

Correct. We dont want poor attatchment, we just dont want clingyness. We also want to set a good routine and day/night cycle. We are going to spend all day doing fun things as a family and cuddling and kissing. But bedtime is for sleeping (I understand this wont happen as a newborn, but I mean when he is old enough to learn)

Sirzy

Did I ever say we will be cold with him? No.
I just mean we will discourage bad behaviour. You almost sound like you are saying attention seeking and bad habbits should be rewarded with positivity. What planet do you live on?

Daniel will get all the love in the world, we will give him infinate kisses and cuddles amd praise for good behaviour. We are just saying that co sleeping at an older age is a habbit. And habbits are not always good..

All day cuddling and kissing. What if your child doesn't like being cuddled?

welshweasel

Who doesnt like being cuddled? Is lovely

It's*

If I had to pick one reality television show to base my child-rearing philosophy upon, it wouldn't be Supernanny. It would obviously be Love Island.

(I'm joking ofc it would be the Bake Off)

But bake off is nothinng to do with paremting. And wtf is love island?

Plenty of people (adults and children) don't like cuddles. You can't decide what your child is and isn't going to like in advance, it doesn't work that way!

I dunno, cake played a massive role in my maternity leave!

But what you are describing is very cold. You have decided that what is perfectly normal, often developmentally necessary behaviour is 'bad' behaviour. That a child wanting their parent in the middle of the night is 'bad'. That wanting attention is 'bad'. You are ascribing what might be considered unhelpful behaviour in an adult to a very small child who hasn't even been born yet and who's needs and wants you can't possibly yet know.

Lots of children co-sleep as small babies and toddlers who don't at 6. I don't even know why I'm defending it, we never co-slept, though DD was in our room for 6 months, but really! This is not an academic exercise!

welshweasel

I guess. But most people love their mum and dad cuddling them, especially when they are little

Lots of people don't like to be cuddled. My DS is only 1 and already will only cuddle when he wants to, it had to be on his terms.
My nephew stopped liking cuddles from about 4 months. Just cried when being held. He likely has sensory issues though.