Under the sea or clouds and rainbows???

[MummyMiddleton]

Or baby boy is due on November 10th. We have a room for him but we don't want to buy and furniture or decor until we know what theme we are choosing. We are stuck between under the sea and clouds and rainbows. Both are equally cute.
We would paint the walls dark turquoise/aqua for under the sea and pale blue for clouds and rainbows. My mum has an art degree and will be painting the decor on top of the base colour (sea creatures and plants or clouds connected by rainbows).

If you had to choose, what would you go for?

You do know that babies often need to clusterfeed for hours during the night for the first three months?

Why on earth would he shave his chest? My DS did loads of skin to skin with dp and he has hairs on his chest.

Haaaaaaaaaa at the chest shaving. OP the more you post, the more I think you're either having us all on or just batshit

Not read the full thread - is go with under the sea... but just 'cos rainbows are soooooo popular at the minute! I crochet and the last 12 blanket orders I've had have been rainbows!

Formerly

Maybe the hair stops the 'love pour' onto the baby?

LoveDeathPrizes

Although I kind of agree that we will both need looking after. Me, because I will be in pain and Daniel, because he is a baby. But I have heard that babies can have an attatchment to their father, as long as he provides as many of the comforts their mother does. I.E: skin to skin contact, safety, warmth, kisses, shooshing noises, softly spoken words, etc

He is even going to shave his chest

omg stop it OP okok you win. Troll of the year

Shaving his chest hair to have skin-to-skin? Well, whatever floats your boat, I suppose, having chest hair or even a t shirt in) never stopped DH bonding with DD. Hope he'll have the time to keep it silky smooth, can't imagine lying on a chest of scratchy stubble will be much fun for a baby.

And in the early days, yes, your DH doing all the cooking, cleaning, household stuff, bringing you food and water while you recover, establish breastfeeding etc etc is his primary role. Not his only role, of course. Stop thinking in such black and white terms!

We just thought it best if he shaved his chest. Otherwise it might feel like laying on a brillo pad?

just so you know... my son likes to grab big handfuls of chest and beard hair when he cuddles with daddy. he clings on like a little chimp. i havent had to douse daddy with my perfume or breastmilk even one time to get him to accept him.

Sharing sleep time doesn't need to be by taking it in turns each time the baby wakes though. It could be that you settle the baby more during in the night and DH looks after him in the day while you catch up on sleep

So im a troll for wanting our baby to feel comtorble laying on his fathers chest? We have never had a baby, how were we supposed to know that it ok even if not shaved?

Yes they can, but they form a primary attachment to one person. It's in your best interests to make that solid because it's their prototype for all relationships.

I think your expectations of parenthood, whilst obviously well meaning, will be the thing you regret. I know you want to feel in control and prepared but this will just be obstacles to learning about your baby. Whenever his behaviour conflicts with what you've read or learned, you'll worry. Please don't do that to yourself.

It'll be a lot more like a Brillo pad if he starts shaving it, for heaven's sake!

anchor9

That is cute x Maybe we wont shave DHs hair

I really do think that both you and your DH could so with speaking to someone about your expectations, you both sound quite - extreme, as well as very rigid and very black-and-white, which really isn't good for you.

Also my DH loves our son very much but in the early days he was terrified of how fragile he looked and so he found it easier to be supportive by cooking and washing. Making bottles etc to support me rather than nappy changing and feeding as this took a while to come more naturally to him. He's great at it now but it's terrifying looking after such a little thing in the beginning and you do whatever you can to be supportive. We pride ourselves on the fact that he's still alive and neither of us have dropped him yet

Why don't you start again and ask a lot of these kind of questions from people who've been there (know is fab at that!)

And yes soft hair is much nicer than stubble!

RiverTam

We just want our baby to know how much we both love him an for him to feel like he fan trust both of us.

user

Fair enough. DH is natural with little ones though. We have freinds who have babies and he always loves to cuddle newborns we know. He has changed nappies for my bffs newborn.

We just want our baby to know how much we both love him an for him to feel like he fan trust both of us.

And he will. Lots of people on here have told you how great the bond is between their DC and dad. None of them have followed this bizarre, everything must be 50/50 idea of parenting. It's unrealistic, especially in the early stages and is putting far too much pressure on you both.
Are you taking any antenatal classes?

And you can and he will, without going to the lengths you think you need to. Not doing all this doesn't equal neglect, you know.

You say your parents divorced when you were 6. Has your DH got any unresolved trauma from his childhood that makes you both think the baby won't bond with him? Because as long as he's there, supporting you, being with you, taking the baby when you need a break - just doing the usual dad stuff, the really is no reason to think they won't bond. Equally, there are biological differences between you that you can ignore most of the time, but this is the time when they do actually have a meaning and a value.

FormerlyFrikadela

We went to a pregnancy group once but DH was the only man there and the other mums kept giving him pompous weird looks. Like they were queens or something.

I'm sure you and your DH will be great and he will know he's loved but you just need to keep an own mind. Bringing you own baby home is very different from looking after someone else's. I have lots of nieces as nephews but it can't always prepare you for the times when they've been crying for five hours and you've done everything you can think of and they won't settle. And you can't hand them back so just be flexible

RiverTam

I wasnt traumatized by my parents divorce. I actaully took it really well. I still got to see my dad tuesday and tuesday night, thursday and thirsday night and every other weekend. He is one of the most precious things in the world to me. I would rather burn slowly than choose between my mum and my dad. My parents were lucky enough to remain civil and friendly after the divorce. It wasnt messy and they both respect eachother.

DHs parents divorced when he was 10, but in a similar way to mine. He still saw his dad half the time.