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Original poster

Under the sea or clouds and rainbows???

711 replies

MummyMiddleton · 02/07/2017 15:21

Or baby boy is due on November 10th. We have a room for him but we don't want to buy and furniture or decor until we know what theme we are choosing. We are stuck between under the sea and clouds and rainbows. Both are equally cute.
We would paint the walls dark turquoise/aqua for under the sea and pale blue for clouds and rainbows. My mum has an art degree and will be painting the decor on top of the base colour (sea creatures and plants or clouds connected by rainbows).

If you had to choose, what would you go for?

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Original poster
MummyMiddleton · 07/07/2017 09:24

Sirzy

Possibly, I just have a very strong work ethic. I dont know what I would do without a job

OP posts:
TittyGolightly · 07/07/2017 09:25

There's a reason you legally have to have a minimum of 2 weeks off work (if employed) after giving birth OP. (And it's not sexism.)

Original poster
MummyMiddleton · 07/07/2017 09:26

Drama

Not about me. I meant he crys when he hars something bad has happened to someone or if we are watching a sad movie. Also, certain music brings out a very emotional response in him

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TittyGolightly · 07/07/2017 09:26

I thought that too. Was planning to return to work quickly. Didn't work out that way though.

You have got to get into a more flexible mindset, OP.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 07/07/2017 09:26

I'm sorry but you really are in dream land. My DP took 6 weeks off work, we were both exhausted. With the best will in the world I couldn't have focused for long enough to do a crossword never mind manage accounts.

TittyGolightly · 07/07/2017 09:27

You think he's the only man in the world like that?

(As for the "would rather die than have his son feel a moment of sadness", sadness is really important. Watch Inside Out if you need a simple explanation. ;))

Original poster
MummyMiddleton · 07/07/2017 09:27

User

Well, if that happens then I will wake him up when it is his turn.

OP posts:
MyFavouriteName · 07/07/2017 09:27

It's lovely to have ideas and a vague plan on how you're going to handle things. But you sound as though you think it's all going to go your way. Your baby doesn't know your plan and your plan doesn't know your baby. Please just relax a bit otherwise I think you'll find it incredibly stressful when the baby comes.

As for your room theme, I prefer the clouds idea - birds, aeroplanes, rainbows, kites. All very relaxing.

TittyGolightly · 07/07/2017 09:29

Well, if that happens then I will wake him up when it is his turn

See, that's insane. Why have both of you awake if not necessary?! In our case it was DH that would wake (when home) - he'd let me rest while I could rather than make me wake up if I didn't have to!

Treesinbloom · 07/07/2017 09:29

Possibly you have a strong work ethic or possibly you have never had a baby and have no idea how you will really react and feel.

My DH had an ok bond with DS1 at birth but 90% of the time DS1 wanted me. He just did. That lasted until he was 2ish and then they really bonded whilst I was ill with being pregnant.

DS1 is now nearly 6 and just as close to his dad as to his mum. Sometimes he'll want mummy cuddles and sometimes he'll want dad cuddles or wrestling

quarterpast · 07/07/2017 09:30

I have been desperately sitting on my hands because this is such a weird thread, but I just have to say this.

OP, if you are genuine then I think you need to have a really serious think about the dynamics and expectations in your relationship. When a woman has a baby, it SHOULD be 100% about her and the baby. Your DH should be there to support you through it. It just isn't a 50-50 experience and nor should it be. It's about you, your body, your baby.

Your DH will bond and love and care for the baby over time but it's really not about him, it's about you. I think you need to value yourself and your role in this more.

Original poster
MummyMiddleton · 07/07/2017 09:32

TittyGolighty

Because if Daniel does cry a lot then I cant be the one to go every single time. I would be exhausted.

OP posts:
LoveDeathPrizes · 07/07/2017 09:33

Without trying to sound too condescending, you need to let go of a few expectations or you won't be happy. And it's not fair for your baby to live up to some statistical norm of a baby.

There are a lot of very well educated childhood professionals on here with lots of children! You're not the first. You really will be happier if you can go with the flow.

And hot air balloons and clouds and stuff. For sure.

Original poster
MummyMiddleton · 07/07/2017 09:34

quarterpast

So you are saying I should do 100% of everything? Wtf. A father should do baby care as well. Also he isnt just my baby. Fuck off. He is our baby. He isnt there just to "help out. Hes not a babysitter or a nanny, hes a fucking PARENT.

OP posts:
MrsPringles · 07/07/2017 09:34

Why are you swearing at her? There is literally no need

Original poster
MummyMiddleton · 07/07/2017 09:35

I cant believe some people are still so traditional. It makes me sick! Tradition makes my skin crawl

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Original poster
MummyMiddleton · 07/07/2017 09:37

MrsPringles

Because she said Daniel is only my baby, which is extremely hurtful towards DH and I will not have it

OP posts:
quarterpast · 07/07/2017 09:37

No I'm not saying you should do 100% of everything, I am saying that you will be doing 100% of the giving birth, of the breastfeeding, of the recovery etc etc. So your DH should be a support to you. If you expect any less than that, you're in for a very difficult time.

MrsPringles · 07/07/2017 09:38

You need to get a grip. You're being ridiculous.

user1485426324 · 07/07/2017 09:38

Agree with pp, why would you wake your DH because if some idea that it's his turn? All that results in is both of you being knackered. In the time it takes to wake DH my baby would have escalated from crying to red faced screaming.

Fwiw my dad is 3 months and sleeps through the night no problem and has for the last week or so but it's not due to me. It's been at his pace and him naturally not being interested in a bottle anymore.

user1485426324 · 07/07/2017 09:40

*ds not dad

Original poster
MummyMiddleton · 07/07/2017 09:41

quarterpast

Ok. Apologies. I thought you meant he was supposed to just leave me to deal with Daniel and he could only do cooking and cleaning and stuff. He is going to put as much love into Daniel as he is into me. He is even going to shave his chest so him and Daniel can have skin to skin time. Daniel will feel the warmth of his body, hear his heartbeat and sense the love pouring out of him. Without having to lie on a bed of chest hair.

OP posts:
LoveDeathPrizes · 07/07/2017 09:41

She didn't say that. She said it needs to be about you and baby. She's right. And your husband's role is to support you initially.

You will understand after you've given birth. To speak your language, babies base all of their attachments on the one primary attachment they have. They use it as a model for all other attachments and it's usually the mother.

Original poster
MummyMiddleton · 07/07/2017 09:43

user

Because we need to share the sleepimg time. Why should one of us get all the sleep and the other get near to no sleep? Sounds fair XD

OP posts:
anchor9 · 07/07/2017 09:44

🤔 why are you classifying traits as 'masculine' or not.. that seems to fly in the face of your previous gushing nonsense comments.. my DP is about as rough, tough and "masculine" as they come and shock has sung to our bump, and our son, he's cried for our son! gosh Hmm

and I'm pretty sure that my DP working away in a stressful job to provide for us, graciously giving up his bed to enable us to co-sleep for our son's first six or so weeks (also not planned but guess what! being born is terrifying and my little baby needed closeness to feel safe and calm, he understands more now and sleeps in his crib every night - he got there in his own time and i'm very happy we had the compassion and trust in our instincts to adapt to his needs rather than spending night after night setting him up to scream because a book said so), doing everything he can to support EBF and not being jealous or insecure about his differing role, are all signs he loves his son and wants what is best for him, and is willing to sacrifice when necessary ---- not forcing a bottle on him to quench his own insecurities! that would be more for daddy's benefit not our son's benefit, you see? what daddy provides is just as important but it is not the same and trying to needlessly split biological functions 50:50 is some bizarre theory that is going against the design of a healthy human body for not particular reason other than you trust a BTEC more than your own instinct. believe it or not my son and partner have still managed to bond despite our wacky ideas about me feeding because i've got the milk, and the breasts, and the very strong, primitive need to nourish my baby (note my DP does want our baby to be fed but he does not have the intense physical response to this need that I do). my son's face lighting up even when he hears his daddy's voice, even on the phone shows us that nonetheless daddy is a much wanted cornerstone of his world. for example, my son loves nothing more than to nap on his daddy's strong shoulder. my shoulders are no good for napping and he tells me so! but when he is fussing with me and daddy comes home he puts him on his shoulder and off they go around the garden for a 'perimeter check', suddenly our baby is calm and snoozing with his mouth hanging open.

honestly op, i hope you bond with your baby in a way that makes you not want to pass him off for every other feed. i just think it would be a shame if you didn't. just loosen the reigns a bit because your first baby really is a shock to the system in so many expected and unexpected ways. a lovely shock but it will be so much harder if everything is black and white and 50:50.