Under the sea or clouds and rainbows???

[MummyMiddleton]

Or baby boy is due on November 10th. We have a room for him but we don't want to buy and furniture or decor until we know what theme we are choosing. We are stuck between under the sea and clouds and rainbows. Both are equally cute.
We would paint the walls dark turquoise/aqua for under the sea and pale blue for clouds and rainbows. My mum has an art degree and will be painting the decor on top of the base colour (sea creatures and plants or clouds connected by rainbows).

If you had to choose, what would you go for?

alpaca

Thanks x

No one has said you don't love your baby, you clearly do. People are just trying to gently point out that you can't always make plans where babies are concerned. But you'll figure that out. Please don't feel like you can't come back here to ask advice once the baby is born, despite what you may think it's actually a very supportive place with lots of good advice.

Hi OP,
I do agree with many PPs that your expectations of looking after a baby and bringing up a child are rigid and unrealistic.

However, I genuinely salute you and your DH forgiving such consideration and forethought to how you want to raise your child together. Many of us don't discuss the important things ahead of time ( mostly because we don't know what we will think until we experience the situation) and blunder in, only to find we have opposing ideas on discipline, co-sleeping etc.

However, it's a bit like a birth plan. You can plan all you like but you HAVE to be prepared for none of your plan to actually happen. You really do have to face up and accept that you might get lucky, or you might have to relinquish any control and do things completely differently.

OP, I haven't been on this thread since this morning and have not yet read all the responses (apologies). I just wanted to say, don't worry too much about creating habits you can't change. If you look at the super nanny approach, she can make changes to behaviour in 3 days, so you can apply that idea too! It's fine with baby sleep to think about what works now, and not worry too much about the long term. We fed to sleep etc and don't know, but we rarely co-sleep as it doesn't suit us (I struggle to sleep). So equally it's fine to have some clear ideas of your preference.

Also I realised I didn't answer your original question. I would go with under the sea personally!

I do feel for you a bit OP, I remember being pregnant with my first and having all kinds of idealistic thoughts of 'how things will be'.

11 years down the line I was laughing about this today with DD's SENCO and how I naturally assumed all my children would be natural academic high-fliers and just great at EVERYTHING.

And that life has a habit of disabusing us of our ridiculous notions, and how that's no bad thing, it certainly gave my sometime arrogance the knock on the head it undoubtedly needed.

It's lovely to have certainties, it's also really important for our development as human beings that out rigid views of the world have the ability to flex when needed. As a parent you will discover that the only sure thing about certainties is that they ain't always certain!

I haven't read the squllions of comments but just wanted to say - under the sea!! Sounds lovely I wish I was creative

Wow, who knew a thread about painting a room could become so vile. Things like I hope your more loving towards baby when his here and Hope you're saving for the counselling your child is likely to need are just completely uncalled for.

Back to room painting

I like the idea of under the sea. Pale blue with different sea creatures. What about painting the whole room blue but only adding fish on 1 or 2 walls so there's plenty of space for your son's drawings or for putting up shelves for his books or toys and things like that.

OP,

I think what most people here are trying to get you to understand is that the ideas and concepts you have before you are an actual parent of an actual real baby do not resemble each other in the slightest bit.It's the difference between watching a movie about life and actually living it.

When your baby is here and he cries, it is like Satan himself is shaking your brain. His cries will make your boobs leak milk and you will not give one tiny shit about 'self soothing' or any other 'method' you have read about. You will want to go and pick up your baby. Nature has hard wired you this way, but you have no awareness of this because you haven't experienced it yet.

The baby won't 'bond to whoever his primary caregiver is', he will want you and only you because you are his mum.

Being a parent is not something you can intellectualise, you have to feel your way through it. Just keep your mind open and be prepared to be flexible.

I was feeling like posting some choice extracts from the OP's posts and then a big line of LOL LOL LOL. But you said it more kindly than me, quarterpast, and more articulately. And you are absolutely right.

Thanks for the reports on this thread.

Discussions like this often get heated but we'd like to remind you that Mumsnet is here to make parents' lives easier. While we encourage healthy and robust discussion, we hope that everyone can respect each other in their choices and express their views without resorting to personal attacks.
We're sure you'd all agree that parents-to-be and new parents need all the support they can get.
After all, parenting is hard enough without facing judgment and criticism for those choices.
Peace and love

quarterpast

Thanks for most of the advice. It did annoy me a bit when yoy said babies only love their mums. Very sexist and noy true. All the babies I know are very happy and sothed by their dads and even their grandparents.

When I was a baby, I bathed with my dad and he always used to hold me in his arms and soothe me. (My parents told me this, im not some freak who can remember being a baby). If someone takes time to have skin on skin time and close contact with an infant, then that infant will latch onto them. How do you think adoptive parents bond?

Also, are you seriously suggesting that the only person who can respond to a baby crying is its mum?

Well, that sure as hell aint how me and DH are doing things. If he needs a feed, I will go. If he needs a nappy change, DH will go. If he needs somethimg else, whoever will go. One of us. I dont agree that I will always know best just because of my gender. Sometimes DH might actally have a fucking point and know what is best for OUR BABY.

OUR baby.

OP seriously, calm down. All I'm saying is don't underestimate the power of instinct. Of course your DH is going to have a bond with the baby. Of course adoptive parents have a bond with their children. But the instinctive immediate bond between mother and child starts in the womb and is right there from the get go. I think maybe you should step away from ranting on the internet and try and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. Best of luck.

Smeaton

she's actively seeking out an argument now, it became clear halfway through the thread

Sorry. I just hate bias based on gender, even if it is natural (im silly).

Any even slight hint of sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia,etc etc..just makes me so angry and sad. It makes me feel like I literally want to skin myself with a razor and rub salt in it. Everyone is the same in my eyes, just a blank page until I get to know them. Man, woman, alien, I approach and act the same to all

Oh, get your head out your arse, your nose out the books and go and paint your kids room.

Drama

Im not, sexism actally brings tears in my eyes. I have a very physical and emotional reaction to judgement based on vapid nonsence like gender

Gender is a human construct evolved by thousands of years of rigid hsitorical practices

I dont care if you have a penis or a vagina. If I dont know you, you are just an epic kawaii unicorn

It is not sexist to suggest that the person who carried a baby for 9 months, probably feeds the baby from their breast and, in most cultures, is the primary care giver will have a strong bond with said baby.

Gender is completely irrelevant. You would likely find that the woman who carried the baby in lesbian relationships initially has the stronger bond. That's not to say that the other partner doesn't have a bond, just a different one to the woman who carried the baby.

I cant argue with the nature side of things. But we will both be his primary care givers. We run our home business and this is both of our jobs. Neither of us go out to work. We have decided that once Daniel is here we will share responsibilities of the him and the business. We will do shifts at work and shifts with the baby. 50/50.