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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

Feedback welcome

166 replies

Othersideofthechannel · 12/03/2007 05:24

My childless by choice friend has just had this published. She's interested in feedback from parents: here

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Twiglett · 14/03/2007 18:53

Children can be hard on relationships in the first couple of years - but if your relationship is so weak that it can't stand them then its not a true relationship in the first place IMHO

lulumama · 14/03/2007 18:57

it is hard, and you do have to make an effort to make time for each other, and to have proper qulaity time, but it makes you make an effort , and not take each other for granted...and as squonk said, sometimes you just look at your kids, and then each other, and know that you made them ! they didn;t exist before then ! it is truly marvellous

listen, it ain;t all rosy, i think you know that, but ,in all seriousness, i would not be without my children..to see them together is wonderful too....my 7 yr old DS holding his 19 month old DDs hand in the park so she doesn;t fall....

having a baby stretches you to your absolute limit at times, and teh first few weeks with a newborn are turbulent, and can strain even the strongest relationship, but the flipside is the rewards you get...

even after a horrific hellish day, where the kids have been ill, vomiting, tantrumming, screaming, i can walk into their bedrooms where they are fast asleep, and i get a physical pain, a rush of love when i look at them....same for DH ...

nothing else changes your relationsip like having kids, but it is also enriching and wonderful and the rewards are great....

Baysmum · 14/03/2007 19:01

I cant imagine how dh and I would have carried on without our ds. Yes, we had a great social life, fantastic holidays but really, how many exotic sunsets do you really need to see and does even a single one of them compare to the many, many happy moments each day with your child? My ds was a complete accident but you just cant possible understand how the little buggers make you feel until you have one. Its a bit like London (bear with me) hectic to go for a day trip, wonderful to live there (well the analogy works for me)!!

Interested in this thread?

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Families General parenting

AnnaFish · 14/03/2007 19:04

But don't you wind up loving your baby more than your husband?

lulumama · 14/03/2007 19:06

erm.....it is a differnt kind of love

unconditional, visceral, unstoppable, i would die for my children without a moment;s thought

you get that mummy tigress thing going on, that you would sacrifice anything to keep your children safe, it is primal and instinctive

beckybrastraps · 14/03/2007 19:07

At the risk of repeating myself it's different.

Not the same love. Can't compare them.

Twiglett · 14/03/2007 19:08

what makes you frightened of loving someone more than your husband?

Baysmum · 14/03/2007 19:08

No, it deepens your love and adds a dimension to it that wasnt there before. You created this little person together. My son looks at me sometimes and is so much like his Daddy - which helps. You honestly dont have a preference you love them both and hopefully when we have our 2nd child the love changes again to encompass another person - mad but true.

hunkermunker · 14/03/2007 19:11

It's different. It's like comparing your favourite dinner with your favourite pudding. You love both, but you couldn't eat just one...hang on...this is NOT the best comparison, is it?

Heck, it's fab - do it!

AnnaFish · 14/03/2007 19:12

I'm not sure...

Do you think your husbands feel happy with the changes kids have bought to your relationship or do you think they miss the time when it was just you two?

(You're going to assume it's my hubbie that's standing in the way of baby-dom - not the case at all)

lulumama · 14/03/2007 19:15

we both do, but we make the effort to have time together, but TBH, try to do as much as we can as a family..

Twiglett · 14/03/2007 19:15

I think its your fear of losing your husband

I think maybe he hasn't said he doesn't want children, maybe he's said 'if you want them I'm fine with that' thus putting all the onus on you to make this life-changing / life-enhancing decision

I think your frightened

and that's fine

you can live like you are for the rest of your life .. I hope you can stay happy doing that .. I couldn't and cannot understand how a human being wouldn't want to evolve and change in the most fundamental way

hunkermunker · 14/03/2007 19:15

Anna, I will go home and ask my DH what he thinks.

I know the gist of what he'll say though.

He adores the boys - wouldn't swap them for our BC (before children) life, or a future that didn't contain them. They make us both laugh every day.

Twiglett · 14/03/2007 19:15

I think you're frightened

hunkermunker · 14/03/2007 19:16

I think you're not very good at apostrophes for a pedant, Twig

AnnaFish · 14/03/2007 19:16

Too right I am; Is there a more scary decision to make in life?

beckybrastraps · 14/03/2007 19:17

We both miss things we did before. We would have surely had a pretty sad life if we didn't. And yes, I think we sometimes think wistfully of the way we were - but only until we think of the children. They have brought us such joy...

It sounds ridiculous doesn't it? So cliched. But there you go. It's all true...

hunkermunker · 14/03/2007 19:18

Why would you lose him if you make a little person you both adore though?

How does he feel? What's he said to you about having babies?

hana · 14/03/2007 19:18

I read this in the paper and had a little cry. I had assumed that for whatever reason the couple had terminated an unwanted pregnancy.

lulumama · 14/03/2007 19:18

no there isn't anna.....

but sometimes you just have to take the plunge and go with it !

you can analyse and read and research, canvass opinion all you want, but a piece of you will always be yearning for the real , but imaginary baby you , i think , want very much

Twiglett · 14/03/2007 19:19

I think my brain has died sneaky

hunkermunker · 14/03/2007 19:20

Aw, poor Twig DS2 adores twiglets too now, btw...

Anna, are you hooked on MN yet?

Twiglett · 14/03/2007 19:21

Anna, at the heart of it you're thinking too much (yay got it right phew )

its not a decision you make with your head, you take it with your heart and gut

or you don't take it at all consciously and see what happens

may I ask how old you are?

AnnaFish · 14/03/2007 19:26

Addicted to MN? Hmm, getting that way.

He's cool about going for it if I want to; also happy not to.

But like one of my other friends said, men perhaps have more trouble imagining how good life with a kid could be. It's maybe the woman that needs to give them a little push at first.

Need to go now but will certainly keep an eye on the posts. Thanks again for all your honesty - it's really good to be able to ask those more blunt questions you couldn't really ask those close to you.

"So, I notice you guys don't seem to like each other anymore - is that because of the baby?"

lulumama · 14/03/2007 19:29

take care anna...

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