Classic mother in law quotes...What's yours?!

[manuka]

Mine has just said this beauty - [with reference to 8month old dd who had woken from nap and was grizzling, clearly not going to go back to sleep] "Why don't you just leave her until she's screaming her head off?" !!! I thought that was a real corker and had to share that with you all!!!
She had in fact pooed herself and got stuck in a crazy position in her cot so on reflection I'm glad I didn't follow mil's advice.

About my dd: "she's such a happy, engaged child. It's wonderful to see all my years of hard work parenting [dp] pay off" !!!!!
Yes, she basically took the credit for dd's happy nature.

oops sorry for double post

double oops. Didn't realise it was an old thread!

oh dear zeppo, do try harder.

PMSL at the company trying to get mumsnetters to appear on TV to poke fun at their MIL! rich pickings indeed.

At in-law meal for FiL 65th Birthday in one of those crap restaurants where the food is suspiciously cheap....

Had under 2 yr old DS with us and the kids meals were the usual..Nuggets, sausages bla bla.

I said "hmmm, maybe he'd eat the sausages but id imagine they will be the sawdust off the floor and a few toenails"

SiL "IT DOESN'T MATTER IF IT'S JUST FOR A KID THOUGH"
.

Don't even get me started on my Mil.

Came into the house when DD was a newborn, done her usual slobbering over DS - way too much kissing on the mouth for comfort!

Then came into the livingroom and did same with newborn DD - Oh yes.

Then sat down and I saw the dirty big cold sore on her top lip.

Me "Is that a cold sore"

MiL " I think so,it's not in my usual place"

Me "but you've kissed the kids"

MiL looks at me with contempt "it's only a cold sore".

Needless to say I got my very forst cold sore a few months after that incident at 33 yrs old - thick cow.

1. "my children were all university material" Two of them just weren't going to work material.

1. "women who can't perform can have a caesarean nowadays".

1. "I would never expect my daughters to look after me when I'm old". Should have said that's because you're so nasty they moved to different continents!

"DS1 is a little distant and sometimes difficult to get on with"

Few minutes later

"DS2 is so bubbly and sociable, just like DH. DS1 is just like you"

< deep fucking breath>

When I was suffering from pnd she said to me ..."they didn't ask to be born you know"

She also works in a nursery and thinks she knows everything about kids. Nightmare.

The first time I met my MIL, at their house, she opened the door, I walked inside, she embraced me in a bear hug (I so don't do hugging strangers), she took me by the shoulders, stood back and said 'We thought (insert son's name) was going to marry (insert previous serious girlfriends name), oh well'!!! They split up 2 years previously FFS!!

Needless to say I've never really warmed to them.

At my (then future) BIL and SIL's wedding, just after she'd raved about how lovely SIL looked. She said to me "And what colour will your wedding dress be? Dirty grey?"!

As I strapped DS2 in his sling round me. "Can you manage? I'm not saying you're fat exactly but....." This was less than a week after I'd given birth!

Sitting in my lounge, she said that it wasn't too late for her son (my DP) to have a family of his own. i can't have anymore children and she knows this

My DH is Irish and I'm from South West London where we live near my Mum.
MIL - 'DS1 has such an English accent. Pity.'

I had - well I don't think you'll ever get pregnant while you live at number 13 - it had nothing to do with our fertility problems obviously!

When I had ds and was struggling with breastfeeding, she said I was so good at it I used to donate my surplus milk to the local premature baby unit - righto, thanks for that.

DD at about 2yo, screaming her head off having a tantrum.

MIL turns to me astonished and appalled "What on earth is she doing?"
Me (calmly amused) "she's having a tantrum".
MIL, horrified. "That's terrible. What do you do about it?"
Me "Nothing really, I'd be more worried if she never did..."
MIL - haughtily, " MY children never had tantrums"

MIL: What's that rash on DD's leg?
Me: Just a bit of eczema she gets sometimes.
MIL: Oh.....are you sure?
Me: erm...yes.
MIL: Are you going to get it checked out by a doctor anyway, just to see what they think it is
Me: erm...no

I am a GP.

I actually did this face

Ha, Jux, my ex MIL said almost exact same thing: "My children NEVER had tantrums - because I LISTENED to what they wanted." Did not bother pointing out that after such extreme mollycoddling 2 of her 3 sons were still having tantrums well into their thirties.

My MIL
1 Left my daughter in a cafe with a stranger when she was 3 months old to use the public toilet. This involved walking through the shopping mall, up a flight of stairs. Why she ever told me I will never know.
2 Gave my daughter a chocolate biscuit before I ever gave her chocolate - because she thought she might like it. I only knew because when I took her out of the buggy, some fell out. Foiled.
3 Told me that my daughter wasn't the same with her after spending weekend with my mum and dad.
4 Told me that her hairdresser said I should get my daughters hair cut to "thicken it up".
5

Ooops, sent by mistake
And finally, told my husband that our daughter keeps getting ill because her feet are cold and she doesn't wear socks.
Grrr.Grrr.Grrr.

I've decided that I also have to join this post. My MIL can be a nightmare! She's still upset her only son married an American.

Some of my MIL's classics:

1. After just having DS, "I don't think you need that!" She then took away my danish!

1. My DH had his birthday a few months ago and MIL called and said "We've booked a meal for FIL, DH and myself for DH's birthday. I'll expect you to stay home with DS. It's a very nice restaurant."

1. Upon meeting my lovely parents (who are really lovely), "Ooh. How quaint. It's always interesting meeting people who come from a peasant background."

1. I'm currently 5 months pregnant and upon going over for a Sunday lunch she said this one. "I've given you a small portion. I don't think you need to put on any more weight. I decided you don't need a pudding either."

These are some of her more mild things! She's pretty outrageous. She wonders why we're planning to move back to the states!

Sorting out the Christmas present list MIL said "well, what are we going to get you this year, that very expensive anti-wrinkle cream we splashed out on last year has obviously been discarded at the back of the drawer"

My mil suggested to me that I should give DH more blow jobs to get rid of my double chin.......I'm a size 8-10 and this was very shortly after dh and I got together!

"You can't call her that, its a ridiculous name" 1st phone call with DH after DD's birth
"ah, never mind, you can try again" 1st phone call with me after DD's birth
She used to sit right on my elbow staring in fascination at me breastfeeding, unnerving!
There are far too many others, she has never learnt to think before opening her mouth!

Ah, I need to join this one!
I could go on forever but mine and my SIL's fave (our husbands are her sons) goes as follows...

We both have one DD each who both have SN but of a wildly differing nature. Their DD is adopted, ours is not. They have a DS, we have 2 none of the boys have SN.

When we discovered the full extent of our DD SN we sat the whole family down to tell them. Most were quite upset but MIL said "I can't believe there are 2 girls in this family and both have something wrong with them. Thank goodness the boys are ok.

Cheers for that.