Classic mother in law quotes...What's yours?!

[manuka]

Mine has just said this beauty - [with reference to 8month old dd who had woken from nap and was grizzling, clearly not going to go back to sleep] "Why don't you just leave her until she's screaming her head off?" !!! I thought that was a real corker and had to share that with you all!!!
She had in fact pooed herself and got stuck in a crazy position in her cot so on reflection I'm glad I didn't follow mil's advice.

When I saw the consultant, worried sick when 6 months PG that DS2 wasn't growing properly. I proclaimed tearfully; "EVERYONE says how tiny I am and I'm getting so worried and upset."

"Everyone?" he drawled in that patronising way peculiar to all consultants. "Even your mother in law?"

That made me think. And by Gawd yes! She was the ONLY person who had said, "Well you're getting to be quite a size!"

And she is usually lovely.

(She did say one day recently that she liked my blouse. not wildly flattered - she is 86. Five minutes later she attempted to thrust a tenner into my hand. "Buy yourself a new blouse, go on." she urged.)

After having to miss a big family meal following a serious car crash on m-way on way to visit them.
"Oh we had such a nice meal, it was lovely having all the family round"

Just one of dh's stepmother's classic comments , our car was completely written off and dc's were trapped in car, was so pleased that we managed not to ruin the meal for her!

My DS (then about 8mts old) had a red mark on his willy- as I was changing his nappy she looked over my shoulder and remarked "ahh that'll be the teeth". Still makes me laugh today.

Even now everything that has ever been wrong with him gets blamed on "those damn teeth". Even colds, coughs, toddler tantrums and croup!

I was pregnant with DS2 and ex MIL said You'd better make sure It's a girls this time, I don't want anymore boys"

I nearly told her to F off.

If i add an ex FIL comment. " I don't think (ds2) is my sons, he has blonde hair!"
( he was being very serious)

When I was drinking a can of regular Coke, my mil said " I never,ever drink any kind of soda, but have you tried Coke Zero? You should try it, it has zero calories."

When we left DS with MIL/FIL for the w/e we asked when we got back how teeth cleaning went (he was about 1 yr at the time) and they said 'oh we didn't bother with that - anyway they get new ones don't they when they are about six!!!!!!' - agggghhhhhhh!!!

WTAuPair- PMSL!

I have many from my MIL...but my father in law also told me once when I was pregnant..that I better eat properly b/c that's his granchild! Ya! Like his being a grandparent ups me being the mother! Of course I want what's best for my child!

When ds had reflux as a newborn - "oh dh was no solids at 6 weeks" (she was a nurse!) When i was suffering from severe pnd and hadn't slept all night because i was having panic attacks all night she comes round to see me "oh you look terrible. why don't you put some make up on and do your hair, that'll make everything better" yeah i'm sure. Now get out!

My MIL once told me she had been to the gym and was "doing 60mph on the exercise bike"
I told her that was impossible and she got really stroppy - still to this day she won't have it that it must have been rpm!!

MIL came to see ds (my PFB) at 1 day old. He was crying and settled with dh. "Oh, he's clearly a daddy's boy."

Years ago my dh's cousin came to visit me, at the time she had a ds and so did I. After telling me the great news that she's pregnant again, my MIL pops in to see me. We say to her "One of us is pregnant, guess who?" and MIL, looking at me "not you, I hope"!!!
After we told her that it was her, she says to cousin "Oh, congratulations, YOU are such a good mother" with the enphasis on "you", as opposed to me.

After they'd left I sobbed uncontrollably.

Seashell, what a witch your MIL is!!!!!
Missorinoco, that reminds me of when my ds suffered colic at 2mo, he was screaming his head off and wouldn't settle with anybody but DH, FIL remarked "DH is far better with that baby than you". What was I supposed to do, reverse my motherhood status?

With the caveat that I have a very lovely MIL & FIL they have recently had some corkers:-

1. Me, 1 hour after arriving in Australia to live from UK, 6 months pregnant, lovely SIL saying "turn around, I am good at predicting sex of baby from pregnancy body shape" MIL = "Don't be thrown by her backside, X has always had a big bottom its not just pregnancy" - I WAS PREVIOUSLY A SIZE 10!

1. FIL over dinner conversation on Mother's Day re his son "When he was younger DH used to bring home model types...see what he gave up to marry you"

1. MIL On 6 week old DS "I thought babies arms and legs were supposed to be the same size (???)...his arms are shorter than his legs are they a bit withered"

1. FIL on 6 week old DS not turning around when called "Have you had his ears checked, is he deaf?"

1. FIL on 6 week old DS not gazing into his eyes on demand "Have you had his eyes checked, is he blind?"

1. FIL on several occassions...."When I look at your nose and at DH's nose and when I think of my two sisters noses, poor thing hasn't got a chance of keeping that cute nose has he"

Hey ho...

On meeting me for the first time she dragged DH into the kitchen and said "She seems nice but I tell you now she is A LOT older than thirty". Was in fact just turned thirty.

FIL in an exasperated tone _ "When are you going to give that baby normal milk" - when I left the room to breastfeed two week old daughter.

To DS, in the bath at 11 months, in a sad tone "Yes I know its bad darling but your Mummy likes you to have COLD baths for some reason" after I cooled the water down from scalding.

When I asked MIL, who was staying with us, why she had to wash up under a running tap rather than use a bowl of water, her response was "oh, it's only cold water, and that's free!"

Since when??

MIL told DH that it was cruel to just have one child. We'd had 3 miscarriages before DS, and couldn't face going through it again. Her reply ' but you have to do it for DS'

SIL - 'you've really slimmed down havent' you. I hardly recognised you'. I had been, gasp, a size 14 and am 5'10"

My xp's mother to xp a month after I'd had a miscarriage "Haven't you got any good news? You're depressing me and your dad!"

do many!

""och disnae look like daddy...wonders whos he does look like" btw he is mini-me of daddy look likey

"dont pick the baby up all the time you will just spoil LO"

"massage wee bit whisky on gums for teethache"

"dinnae buy a cot a drawer will do"

"Ach reading (to baby) no you dont want wan o they bookish baby's"

"put a wee bit SALT in thon dinner (my weaning) it is tasteless

"you modern mums know nothing"

This thread has made me and - some total shockers out there!! My mil is ok, she has her moments of being very helpful but I think she thinks I'm a useless wife! And mother sometimes! And that DH does everything......

Her worst quote has to be when she said that I (and DH) would be "mad" to have a 3rd child as she didn't think I "would be able to cope". This was when DS2 was 4mo and she was clearly suggesting I wasn't coping then. I was very insulted.

No DC3 yet - it's a work in progress!

caught the tail end of a comment about me to DP when ds was a few weeks old
"well....she'll fall to bits after the menopause"
she's usually quite harmless, so i can only assume they were talking about how i left the hossie in size eights
obviously this crime against wimmim everywhere WILL be punished eventually

Less than 12 hours after giving birth to my DD, my MIL walked in and prodded my stomach asking if I was sure there wasnt another one in there!! If I hadnt been so exhausted after a 52hr labour I think I might have killed her

Not a comment but a Xmas present: a book on how to go and live abroad! I may have to dig it out as she has got house particulars for a house for sale next door but one!!!!!!!!!!!!!aaaaggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Talking about her first GD"She has blue eyes and you and DP have brown, where would that come from?"

On being reminded BILs son has blue eyes too, with both parents having brown eyes that was ok because "SILs sister has blue eyes"

Never mind the fact her ex hubby has blue eyes!

On seeing her First grandson for the first time "who does he look like?"

He was and still is the spit of his dad

Bump as this is funny as well as !