Classic mother in law quotes...What's yours?!

[manuka]

Mine has just said this beauty - [with reference to 8month old dd who had woken from nap and was grizzling, clearly not going to go back to sleep] "Why don't you just leave her until she's screaming her head off?" !!! I thought that was a real corker and had to share that with you all!!!
She had in fact pooed herself and got stuck in a crazy position in her cot so on reflection I'm glad I didn't follow mil's advice.

MIL lovely but my mum, well. During the early days of my pregnancy, the first thing she would say every time we spoke was "are you still pregnant?" It was a much wanted pregnancy all round, I don't know what she meant, she would of been upset if I'd lost DD too. when i pointed out that it wasn't a nice thing to say, her retort was always "oh lizabeth, I'm only joking, get a sense of humour, you're so insecure"!!!

these are fab

Fortunately for me my MIL is generally OK and I'm v fond of her. Tho she is a complete hypochondriac and has bred another in the form of her son (DP).. PND? Not as bad as what she had? Laid in bed for 6 weeks after PD1 with a hideous infection? Not a patch on the hell she went through...

And when pregnant in later stages with DD2, a phone call every day "have you had the baby yet?"

FFS - oh yes, sorry, forgot to mention it....

"I don't know what I'd do without my legs"

????

My MIL has had some corkers but the one that really left me speechless was this one....

After I told her that one of my uncles had been a paedophile and abused 3 of my cousins: "oh that sort of thing didn't happen in my day!".

And every time she walks past a "coloured person" she feels the need to say "you'd hardly know you were in England anymore would you?". Argh!!!!

Having refused to pay anything towards our wedding except the flowers, on the day before the wedding MIL presented dh with a cheque for exactly a third of the cost with the words "spend it on something that will last"

MIL to me at 7 months pregnant:

"Oooh, you've put on weight!"

WTF?!

my MiL is lovely. But one time when dh and I had been together about 3 years, we arrived at the ILs' place for Sunday dinner and as we walked in the door, she said, "Are you two getting married? Because I've got some money saved and if you're not, I'll spend it on a new washing machine." lol

Oh dear, if you've got a month I can tell you hundreds of things my MIL has said before putting her brain into gear.

However, the two that really stick in my mind are when I told her I was pregnant:

DS1: "Huh, thought you might be".

DS2: "What? Surely not yet? It's far too soon after the first one. You should have waited at least six years. You can't possibly afford two. You won't love the first one as much when the second one arrives".......

The master of tact, that's my MIL - NOT!

"Do you want me to turn the chair facing the wall so you can cry without the others seeing?" Honestly !

I have a few examples
When I was about 5 months pregnant - "Oh you really are big" - I said "Well the baby is growing". Her reply - "Yes but it must be a very big baby"

When we were getting married and I was going dress shopping "Well whatever you do, don't get anything in white"

Some other random occasion when discussed clothes "Well as long as you don't get brown, you really don't suit brown"

DH wonders why I find her annoying

My MIL is lovely, just a bit dappy, but she came out with a corker the other day:

"Obviously I'll want to see my new grandchild as soon as possible, but just after it's born it's really important to have some family bonding time - that first half hour should be just the three of you"

HALF AN HOUR?! I mean, it's lovely that she's interested and excited but I can only assume both I and DH are going to be a bit shell-shocked since it's our first - might want a bit longer to get ourselves together!

(While I was threatening prem. labour, no one else at all to look after DS1, she was living with her now DH, and had already agreed to basically being on call for when I went into labour)

"I can't come and watch DS1, I can't leave my cats over night"

sFIL when he heard I had a Blue Badge (ms): "Cheat, you look alright to me"

MIL re my 4 week old dd: "You should start giving her bottles of Ribena now"

MIL re dd a few months into weaning: "Oh she's far too young to have fish" (she popped it into the bin when I went to the loo)

MIL throughout weaning process: "you really should be using those jars they sell in the supermarket; you really shouldn't be making stuff for her, I'm sure it's not good"

dd is about 2 and having a very small tantrum MIL "what on earth is she doing?"
me (laughing) "having a tantrum!"
MIL (shocked and horrified) "is that normal?"
me "completely. They all have them at this age. I'd be more worried if she didn't"
MIL "MINE never did" - dh even remembers being dragged all round town kicking and screaming and having a worse tantrum than dd ever did, at about the age of 4!

Sadly they really are both very stupid people without two braincells to rub together; happily they live a long way away and we don't see them much.

My MIL:
*Scared the bewhatsit out of me during my pregnancy by reminiscing repreatedly about her many, many babies being an average of 10lbs-plus (my baby weighed in at just over 7lbs, thank the gods);

*Got quite sniffy about these 'modern girls' who can't take a bit of pain and go for epidurals (guess what I had, go on...)

*Hinted strongly that I should start giving (bf) DS rusks and formula in a bottle early as she started at TEN WEEKS. When said, nicely, that was going to follow the six-month guideline she acted quite insulted and said HER babies were hungry.

my late mil was absolutely lovely. fil, on the other hand....
'In my day it was breakfast, lunch and tea and that's that.' (disapprovingly when i was bfeeding ds for the umpteenth time. he was 4 weeks old)
he will never visit us - we have to make five hour round trip to him everytime go to him, as his cat wouldn't like him being away apparently.
agreed to come to us for ds's first birthday and then rang the week before to announce he'd changed his mind.
dh: but it's not about you, it's about your grandson
fil: no, it's about me, and im not coming.
sometimes i understand why dh can be a pain in the arse
mind you, my own father whom i love dearly greeted me in the hospital 12 hours after my caesarean by pointing at my stomach and saying: 'I thought THAT would have gone down a bit by now!' perhaps we tolerate more in our own parents than our inlaws?

she told me that when her and FIL die they are leavin their house to One partic grandchild - out of 13 grandchildren

thing is she didn't say it out f malice - it just kinda came out!

lol barnstaple - bottles of ribena!!

my mil is lovelty and means really well but drives me nuts sometimes her best quote? well when she found out that dd1 sometimes gets taken to the sarnie shop for her lunch she said 'do you ever cook her any proper meals? she really likes birdseye chicken nuggets i give her them when she comes here!'

since when have chicken nuggets been classed as 'proper cooked meals'?

my dd2 at about 7 months old when i told her she was eating cheesey pasta with dd1 'does she still get baby jars though? they need baby food you know?'

and am still wondering when dd2 will be old enough to eat mild lamb and mushroom curry coz apparently she is not old enough yet! she is 1 this week

Oh I got - 'It's good that you're breastfeeding, it'll get rid of your belly'.

What belly ? I was dead skinny at the time !!!!

ExMIL - of course he would have left you - you were a bitch to live with.

Yes I can see that - how silly of me to think it was about him not keeping it in his pants and having an affair with my best friend ( from high school but now ex) who also happened to be married!

My MIL is lovely. It's my mum who's a pain.

She shouted at my 7 year old daughter who promptly burst into tears. Whan I pointed out that she'd upset her, she says "mmm she obviously needs to be shouted at a bit more often..."

Things she says are along the lines of "Well, you could say that me once but you can't now"

SK

Said to me after being told that dh and I were getting married - "I told him when he went away to study not to get mixed up with any girls from far away, it's nothing but trouble, and now look!" (I am from a different country and we have different first languages)

On being told that my mother (a dressmaker) had made my wedding dress for me: "Oh you won't want to wear that, it will be so embarassing for me. Let's go out and find a proper one"

She won't eat anything I cook, and even comes to my house with food ready prepared in plastic containers so that she won't have to eat mine.

"My DD always looks beautifully dressed and turned out, these foreign girls can't compete with us" (Of course I'm the only foreign girl she knows)

"SOME of us like to iron things so that we look nice" (this is something she likes to repeat fairly often)

When my son was born she went on and on and on about giving him a dummy...

"Don't speak to the baby in English, it'll confuse him" (She doesn't speak English)

"It's just as well he has me here as a proper grandmother" (What does that make my mother then?"

I gave birth at home to dd on my ds's third birthday. I managed to still have a birthday party for him and 8 little friends. My MIL phoned to complain that I ahd not done enough!!!! she is my XMIL now, wonder why?

Love this thread. I am going to be a nice MIL .

Whilst DD was having a tantrum because she wanted to play with her umbrella indoors and I said no, MIL took her by the hand and gave her a different one to play with. She told me that DD would turn into a drug addict or worse if I was too strict with her.

DD was 8 months and banging a toy against MIL's glass cabinet. I moved her away and MIL says, "You always stop her having fun!"

She also STILL has the first photo of me after giving birth in her front room in a frame. It's fairly x-rated and I look awful. DD is 2.6 so you can imagine the amount of people who have seen it.