Classic mother in law quotes...What's yours?!

[manuka]

Mine has just said this beauty - [with reference to 8month old dd who had woken from nap and was grizzling, clearly not going to go back to sleep] "Why don't you just leave her until she's screaming her head off?" !!! I thought that was a real corker and had to share that with you all!!!
She had in fact pooed herself and got stuck in a crazy position in her cot so on reflection I'm glad I didn't follow mil's advice.

"Ooh that pink lipstick suits you, it's loads better than that red you usually wear" (been waering reddish lipstick/gloss most of my adult lfe, including on my wedding day when a make-up artist designed my "look")

Everytime we have a meal with her to 14 mo dd "I'd let you have it love but your mummy would kill me" when dd tries to snatch food from her plate a habit we're obviously trying not to encourage...

My MIL is an ignorant, self-obsessed cow...and that's me being charitable.

Upon meeting me "Oh, men often fall for women who look like their mothers. I have small eyes too." (i'm oriental, She's French).

When DS was crying with colic at 6 weeks, "Put a piece of bread in his mouth. He's just hungry." This is after she criticized me for BFing DS every 2 hours, telling me I was feeding him too much.

To DH referring to me because I was skipping out on going to lunch to pack our things and take care of DS as we were going back to the UK after DS's first Christmas with them in France (he was only 6 weeks old "Oh she just can't cope, can she. I was working the day after I gave birth to you." (Yes, and she had sent away he elder daughter of 15 months for 3 months and hired a FT nanny to take care of DH when he was born because it childcare was too much for her!)

MIL: Oh, your neighborhood reminds me of Canada! (we live in London)
Me: Why do you say that?
MIL: Because the houses are made out of brick and there are trees on the sidewalk.

Reading this and feeling really grateful for my MIL...!

Still, you'll all have some corkers to pass on to your own DIL's if your son is foolish enough to get married!

"we are leaving the house to xxx" - thats grandchild number 7 out of 7 youngest and favoured brothers child.

Well, perhaps he's the nicest of the grandchildren, custardo. Come on, be reasonable

On discussing the fact that ds may be colour-blind as it runs in my family 'oh well you won't get anything like that from our side' - forgetting the genetic testing dh and I had to go through because of the severe genetic disorder that runs in his family...

Feel duty bound to add she is an absolute gem in every other way but that really annoyed and upset me

megglevache - after reading your post in March I'm surprised you let her anywhere near you

God this thread is good for making me feel better about my MIL (she's not so bad compared to some of these!!)

I was about 5 months pg & VERY big with DD2. DD1 had been 9lbs 9oz. The midwives were clucking about the size of DD2, & I commented to MIL that as DH & I were both tall & large framed it wasn't surprising the baby was on the large side.

" Yes well dear if you breed from carthorses you're not going to get thoroughbreds are you?"

On holiday with MIL. Ds 4 months old, lying on sofa, rolls and falls off onto tiled floor, colliding with cup of tea as he does so. He screams as loudly annd hysterically.
MIL, sitting on sofa with head in a book, looks up briefly, says 'the dishwasher needs emptying', and returns to her book.

More recently, when advised that dc2 will be a boy says 'oh dear, I am sorry'. WTF! (she had 3 boys herself).

I think MN Towers needs to move this thread to classics.

My mum once asked my mil, trying to make conversation really, whether my sil was 'courting' yet. I was cringing so much at the question, it was only afterwards that I really realised how racist and insulting to me her reply was - she said " I don't care who xxxx {sil} marries, as long as they are not white !!! My mil is Indian and has never accepted me and I think that was the final straw in my struggle to try and be the daughter in law she really wanted. Obviously I could never do the one thing that she deemed important, which was to make myself Indian.

pml on friday took my two eldest granddaughters to mil /dreaded visit who r we going to c says oldest i said their christian names oh they r the same as great grandma she says,anyway half an hour later leaving i said to the girls say goodbye, eldest girl turned round and said goodbye WORSE GRANDMA i pml ,doesnt it say it all .

mine asks how i am and if i say anything but 'im good thanks' i get the reply of:

'well YOU chose to have 4 kids what do you expect?!?!'

how nice of her to care how i am feeling

when i was pregnant MIL said, i really hope the baby will have Nip's brown eyes and Mr Nip's personality. (So what wrong with my personality!!!!) LOL

And only yesterday again commented how they put their 'order' in and got what they wanted!!!!

God forbid DS would have had blue eyes, and even worse, my personality!!!!

at some of these!! my mil is a star in comparison...

The only contribution is not an insult but here goes...while sitting down to dinner at pil's house:
MIL - "I hope the meat is okay - it's one of those Bernard Manning roast things..."

DH to me "does this taste funny to you?"

i am trying not to rofl and dear mil totally oblivious

many, many, many, many..

just a few off the top of my head

"I NEVER had a labour pain with any of my 4...just a sore knee with the first"...erm, ok...

"oh doesn't he look so SEXY like that" referring to my 10m DS as he glanced back at us.

"oh, you don't iron your bedding...I suppose it is just the way you were brought up"

"You fell on your feet the day you met (DH) didn't you! Just after his money" (he's a farmer...nuff said!)

"your degree was totally mickey mouse though wasn't it?" (after I got a first)

Don't get me on a roll!!!

oh and she barged into dd's 1st birthday tea for her little friends (i'd deliberately kept the family one separate) and every child got "isn't she big" "isn't she hefty" "hasn't she got a big tummy" "is she going to eat all of that chocolate,she'll have a big belly" etc,etc

and later she offered me a t shirt because "it's too big for me, i thought it would fit you..." we are about the same size

(except her arse is bigger....and one of these days i will forget my manners and say something!!!! )

thank god I'm not alone

3 days after getting home from hospital with ds (and after having undergone emergency cs) my mil said - in faux jokey voice - to new ds, as she surveyed my living room " You'll have to learn to walk soon so you can use the hoover, mummy's forgotten how"

This was the first of about 3 visits she's made to me since I had ds 9 months ago - she lives 2 mins walk away, (and no, she didn't offer me any help round the house or with ds) Maybe just as well

My MIL said to my best friend when they were discussing whether my next child would be a boy or a girl shortly after having ds1.
"It will be a boy darling this family doesn't do girls" wtf there is 2 boys and 10 girls on her side of the family and 1 boy and 6 girls on my side. Needless to say I am now trying for TWIN GIRLS to really p**s her off

Oh just recalled another one!

After telling close friends about BIL's new baby A DD to match the DS he had first.....

"yes isn't it clever of dear X & Mrs X they now have a pigeon pair whilst C (my DH) is going for a bitch pack!!" (beaming round at shocked company)

I'm afraid I hissed at her "My DD's are NOT bitches thank you!" & stormed out to hear
"oooh what have I said?" in arch mock-concerned voice as I left the room.....grrrr!

not my offical MIL, as she died before I met DH, but DH's auntie takes on the MIL role soooo well.

I was in hospital after having dd, less than 24 hours after ECS, I'd begged for a shower but the ward was so short staffed there was noone to take my drip, morphine etc out. Eventually someone came to unhook me, I shuffled down the corridor, holding my catheter bag (lovely) as DH's aunt and uncle burst through the doors into the reception area and ask to see me - the midwife says - 'she's just going for a shower and can't have visitors at the moment' DH's auntie says in a very loud voice - 'well she'll have to wait - I want to see my new baby!'
I still haven't forgiven her and she adds insult to the injury every time we see her!

Bumping this up again!
I've spent the past few hours reading through these classics! Unbelievable to know there are people like those around. And to think they're your loved ones nearest and dearest!

Your ds is autistic because you sent him to a childminder til he was almost 3 years old

at mybrainaches! Never mind how you might be feeling, but to lump all the guilt onto you!

'im of the opinion that if ur big enough to have children then u should stay at home to look after them'

stupid bitch