Where to start? According to my MIL I should have weaned at 2 months, dipped my son's dummy in brandy to help him sleep and never picked him up when he cried (I 'spoiled' him by picking him him up in the night when he was 6 weeks old, apparently). My son also doesn't eat enough because I can't cook, which is going to make him weak (he is on the 98th centile and always has been), and his constant runny nose isn't due to his dust allergy, oh no - he has had a permanenert cold since he was a few months old that I wickedly haven't cured by dosing him up with calpol every night ('like I always did with my boys'). Oh, and I am ruining my son by not smacking him ('they're never too young to understand a smack' apparently...my God, how she producded such a lovely, balanced son as my husband I do not know...)
A few others:
My first day home from hospital with my son, she turned up and sat their watching me breastfeeding (I mean REALLY eyeballing me) shaking her head and tutting and said: 'That child needs a bottle. Your breasts aren't big enough to feed such a big baby."
...fast forward to a few months later, after I'd stopped breasteeding, and I heard her telling her friend on the phone that '...No, my daughter in law didn't breastfeed. She was always too impatient." WTF???
(On seeing me for the first time in months, after I'd lost about 2 stone of 'baby weight' and dropped from a dress size 20 to a 14-16):
"You've lost weight? I hadn't noticed." and then "A size 16? No! You're at least an 18!"
After turning up unannounced for 'a month's stay, to help with the baby' when I was 8 months pregnant, then extending her stay by another a month, my husband finally asked his mum if she would mind staying with her other son for a few days while we adjusted to new parenthood. She was mortally offended and said 'You've always been jeaous of my special bond with my sn, now you're jealius of my bond with your own son.' OMG. I had to grip the table not to slap her one.
Last one (I could give you hundreds I reckon, but I'll stop here)
Observing my son's nose, which is a sort of braod button-nose shape: 'Such a shame about his nose. Why don't you put a clothespeg on it for a few hours a day?'. I had to laugh or I would have committed an act of violence.