Classic mother in law quotes...What's yours?!

[manuka]

Mine has just said this beauty - [with reference to 8month old dd who had woken from nap and was grizzling, clearly not going to go back to sleep] "Why don't you just leave her until she's screaming her head off?" !!! I thought that was a real corker and had to share that with you all!!!
She had in fact pooed herself and got stuck in a crazy position in her cot so on reflection I'm glad I didn't follow mil's advice.

on announcing we were expecting dd1 2months before wedding - "I'm sure I'll love it when it comes". I've never been told what else she said that day.

Its lovely seeing you two so smartly dressed together, I should take a picture.....

Just before leaving for my gran's funeral ffs!

now my MIL isnt too bad, am so at some on here!!!

only major grievance i have is she still hasnt seen our flat, we've been here a year, its her eldest sons first flat, took us ages to sort it out a lot of hard work etc and shes not even bothered to come and see!!! whats worse is she promises and dh gets himself all worked up like a child and then she lets him down again.....

My mother spent most of my second pg telling me how sure she was it would be a girl and about 2 weeks before I gave birth said she was sitting with her fingers crossed for a girl. She even started to call the bump by a girl's name I'd mentioned as a possibility for a while. We had another boy. When I was talking to her about ds2 and boys in general a few weeks ago she said to me 'ah you should have had a girl!'

Cheers, mum, that's helpful.

After the birth of ds:
me: "ooh I'm quite pleased with the way my tummy's gone down"
MIL "actually you look like you are having twins and the second one hasn't come out yet"

This from a lady who herself isn't exactly svelte....

Love this thread! Had to post again after seeing MIL today.

She has started calling my DC's kiki and boo, short for their real names.

This may not annoy some people but she specifically named her 2 DC's names that could not be shortened and I thought mine were like that too!

GRRRRR!

Just thought of another, but this one was from drunken FIL.

He says "so how much weight have you lost altogether then?"
"About 3 stone"
"That's a lot. Bet dh (his son) is proud of you"
"He says he is"
"You've got to admit it couldn't have been very nice for him"
"What do you mean? Me being on a diet?"
"No, I don't mean that. I mean you being the size you were."
"I don't think he minded. He's always loved me whatever size I am"
"No, what I mean is, it couldn't have been nice for him in the, you know, the bedroom, you being that size."
I splutter "I've never had any complaints from him in the bedroom or anywhere else about my size."

It took me about 3 years to tell dh what his dad had said to me. I still feel ashamed and dirty that he could think that lowly of me. Thankfully dh gave me all the reassurance I needed and continues to make me feel gorgeous in the bedroom, whatever size I am.

My MIL is just a bit batty and comes out with some real corkers like "I had so much bisodol when PG with our S that he came out covered head to foot in white chalk" (no dear, that was vernix)...and after my recent hospital visit due to very painful Braxton Hicks contractions at 33 weeks..."oh, we never had those in my day"....
....that and she fervently believes that if you eat anything cooked in a pot that eggs have been boiled in you'll "get warts on your insides". She even has a seperate pot for the job, LOL.

My mum on the other hand......on seeing my dear dear sis in her wedding dress for the first time, I had tears in my eyes..."you're just jealous" and at the wedding when I complimented her outfit that she felt a bit uncomfortable in "you look Ok as well I suppose...for a bridesmaid"...nice!

Quote from Nogoes -"If a man cheats it is because his wife is not making enough effort in the bedroom."

Actually, that reminds me of a discussion we had with my grandmother years ago about domestic violence. Her response was that it's the woman's fault if a man hits her, especially in this day and age when women are too fond of asking men to help out with the housework and the children.

'You've put on weight. Or is there another one in there ?'

said MIL patting my stomach, just THREE months after giving birth to DD2!

Kinki, that's bad.

Not as bad as a lot on here, but my MIL and her husband normally come over from UK once a year to visit us, in about Feb. I am due 6th Nov and she has just informed us that they won't be visiting next year as "small babies aren't interesting". I'm actually quite pleased they're not coming but slightly annoyed they're describing my (as yet unborn) baby (and their first gc) as not very interesting!

Anna - they may feel differently when the baby is born!

On telling MIL I was pregnant with no.1

"Well you'd better look after yourself, or else the baby will die"

On dd:

"My grand daughter is beautiful, beautiful... but her nose is DISGUSTING! It's a negro nose.
(dh's family is mixed race). "
"While you breastfeed you must squeeze her nose to give it a better profile".

Err, yeah right, and suffocate her

On the evening of our wedding she said to me,
"I hope you know what you're getting yourself into dear".

On reflection they were wise words. At the time I was deeply hurt.

recently when Gecko was 4 months

"well, you can give her rusks now"

Is it ok if the kids have S.. W.. EETIES.....................trying to spell it out so they dont realise what she is saying

Ooops did i just say sweeties...........oh I will have to give them some now!!!

To dh recently (who is adopted): "I would have loved a baby of my own" or "your father never wanted children anyway" or "I think an adoptive relationship is quite different from a normal one". There are quite a few more in similar vein. I have to bite my tongue to avoid pointing out how crassly insensitive this is, infact increasingly I have to resist the urge to violence.

This isn't a mil quote but it should be - First heard it from a french midwife at an antenatal class.

"You can breastfeed for six weeks if you want to. After that your bosoms belong to your husband". Knowing smile and nods all round.

One of my husband's aunts later said exactly the same thing, as did a friend of mine's Parisienne mil (the fil was a paediatrician and the baby was three weeks old!.....)

that shouldn't be funny, ggg, but lol!

This is my MIL (lovely woman NOT) on the phone to her elder sister:-

"Oh we're just on the way out to the garden centre to get some lunch. Don't forget to get yourself something to eat".

Attila, I don't get it.

I adore my MIL.... I am quite upset reading some of the post and if all you say it's for real I think that I've lived a very sheltered life.

The best quote my MIL has said to me is as follows;

"Housework and gardening are boooorin and life is just to short, just pay someone to do it"

I love her to bits!

But the quotes don't all have to be negative, do they? There are some classic ones on here that aren't really that negative - just funny.

haven;t read the whole thread tbh...some quotes have really put me off....