Classic mother in law quotes...What's yours?!

[manuka]

Mine has just said this beauty - [with reference to 8month old dd who had woken from nap and was grizzling, clearly not going to go back to sleep] "Why don't you just leave her until she's screaming her head off?" !!! I thought that was a real corker and had to share that with you all!!!
She had in fact pooed herself and got stuck in a crazy position in her cot so on reflection I'm glad I didn't follow mil's advice.

When I worked full-time with young ds, MIL says "its not right that you're working, he needs you at home, you'll ruin him for life if you put him in that nursery".

When I worked part-time, MIL says, "you're messing with his head, he doesn't know whether he's coming or going, never knowing if you'll be around".

When I gave up work, MIL says, "We don't think its right that you don't work. Don't you realise that you've put all financial responsibility for your family onto dh's shoulders."

Talk about damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I've told most of these before ...

When dd was 5 weeks old, feeding for England and crying 95% of the time: "That baby needs a smack, and if she plays up for me like she plays up for you, she'll get one".

On being told that we were getting some professional photos done of dd: "I wouldn't bother dear, she's not that attractive when all said and done" (for the record, dd is gorgeous).

On breastfeeding: "I don't know why you're bothering dear, why do you think scientists spent millions of pounds on developing formula if we were meant to breastfeed?"

On toys: "Little girls shouldn't be given trains and cranes to play with; you'll make her gay".

On me: "But of course you haven't made a proper career out of having children like I did; you're not a proper mother until you've got two. And you'll never be a real mother, you've only got a girl".

And on the famous 34 metre Christmas present: "Elastic is very hard to get hold of these days ..."

Ooooh, I could go on ...

These are amazing. My (now ex) MIL once came round to my house, wouldn't come in but sat outside in the car outlining all my shortcomings, of which there were obviously many. After all that she says "I've just changed the curtains in the living room, would you like me to make you a dress out of the old ones?". I just sat there with my mouth open.

And wwb, your MIL needs a massive smack and I willingly volunteer myself for the duty. What planet is she on?? Your dd is cute as a button, elastic is (as far as I know) still available everywhere in the UK, and you're a real mother when you have a real child - I didn't realise there were stages relating to number and gender of kids!!!

My mil can be a bit of a 'mare, but nothing specifically comes to mind.

Mind you, I was talking to a lady on the bus the other day who said, ruefully about her mil, 'Well, put it like this. How many brides do you know whose mil is cutting the cake on all the photo's?'

pmsl

When I had just got home from hospital with DD1, never having held a newborn baby before in my life, not knowing what to do, DD1 started crying (as newborns do). DH took her and she stopped. At which point MIL said 'I think she likes Daddy best'. Talk about how to make a new Mum feel inadequate!

How about this one. After looking at my newborn ds, she said, Well, nothing wrong with him" When I gave her a strange look she said, well I worried your whole pregnancy he would be born with downs syndrome because you are too old to have a baby (I was 39).

When I was about 5m pregnant:

• "you must have put on a lot of weight by now! that's terrible!

-No, I haven't I don't even look pregnant yet.

• Are you taking good care of yourself??? I know you think you can do as you wish but that baby is not only yours, it belongs to us too and you better take good care of it!

Obviously, I just told her that that baby belonged to himself and anyone else before putting the phone down and refusing to pick up the phone when she was calling for the end of the pregnancy.

Another classic now that we know DS is allergic to nuts:

Me: He can't have almonds, he is allergic to nuts

MIL: But this almonds are from my place and will not make him any damage, they are the best quality in the world!

AAAAARGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! what did I do in my past lives to deserve such a MIL???

Christie

When my sister got pregnant, her MIL sat my sister and DH down and said, "So, when are you having the abortion?"

No joke.

My sister's MIL loves her GS now, of course [simle]

I fixed her, I had another one at 41! (not the reason, I wanted another one of course but I can imagine the talk around her dinner table).

whilst bfing ds1:
'he needs water to drink, no question about it'
'i dont know why you bf him'

'when we move to spain, you can send the kids over for weeks at a time'

on me giving up work:
'if you not working forces you into a council house what those boys turn into will be your fault'

on me dying of post partum haemorrage in hospital after birth of ds2: (said to dh)
'if you think accompanying LotF to theatre is more important than telling me ds2 has been born, we obviously have very different ideas about what is important dont we Daniel'

there are tons more, most on here will know i hate her. those are her very best ones to date.

Love a good MIL thread.
When DD was born nearly 3 tears ago mine repeatedly bemoaned the fact that she hadn't kept baby clothes from my SIL. SIL will be 50 this year

About a week post-birth she looked at my ex-bump and said "perhaps you can look on the internet for some exercises for that. We used to have to wear corsets". She meant well I suppose.

My MIL lives on a different planet to the rest of us. The last time she was here, I noticed that she leaves the tap running constantly when she does the washing up, so I tactfully explained that our water is metered. Her response: "Don't be silly, you only pay for hot water!" I wish!

Mine isn't desperately evil, but during the entire 12 months BREASTfeeding, she would say it with a capital BREAST...

"He's looking so well - that'll be because of the BREASTfeeding"

"Look at how he does x - the BREASTfeeding has helped him so much"

"She's still BREASTfeeding you know"

It was wonderful and supportive... but when it was to aunts, uncles, neighbours etc and their eye automatically goes to my BREAST and then they keep drifting back because the subject has been raised - it got a bit

Due to various medical reasons we have decided that it wouldn't be fair on DD (or me) if I were to go through another pregnancy as there's a strong chance I'd be in a wheelchair/bedbound, so we're thinking of adoption.

FIL totally agrees and says my health must come first etc. etc. MIL on the other hand said, "Well, I think you should have another so that DD can have a proper brother or sister. After all you're walking now (a year after DD's birth and I'm still in pain when AF here EVERY month) and it's not that much of an inconvenience to be in a wheelchair again!"

She doesn't seem to think that the pain itself of severe SPD is worth worrying about the risk. Yes, I may not get it again but have been told the chances are it would come back, be earlier and a lot more severe - ie, in a wheelchair the whole pregnancy. Now, if she can explain to DD that Mummy is in too much pain to play with her, pick her up and even have her sit on her lap, then she's welcome! We don't think it's worth the risk.

Saying that, she's normally okay - just wants me to produce another grandchild for her!

"Food in jars is more nutritious than home cooked food. Cow & Gate have been doing it for years and know more about what a baby needs than you do."

"You cannot have a career and a child, you can forget all that silly nonsense now. When ds goes to school you can get a cleaning job."

"Dh must come and live with me when he has a cold/flu. You don't know how to look after him because you don't have dinner until 8pm and eat foreign food (pasta!)".

"If a man cheats it is because his wife is not making enough effort in the bedroom. If a women cheats she is a slut."

"I still have sleepless nights because I worry that you are not looking after dh properly". (he is 34)

"We should all sell our houses and buy a big place together". On hearing dh's resounding NO! "Yes well I might have known that Nogoes would scupper our chances of being a really happy family".

"I wish that I could bring up your ds and SIL's children as I could give them a lovely life and make them happy".

I could go on an on.

So so many..
a classic was soon after DS was born and she said 'You shouldn't take him out on your own, someone might knock you out and kidnap him'

Omg but LOL nogoes.. she sounds horrendous!!!

Mine also refused to introduce us to her new boyfriend, they had been together for over a year and turned down many dinner invitations, then 3 hours after DD was born she arrived at the hospital with him in tow!
He was clearly awkward about the whole thing, and we were in no fit state to make getting to know you conversation. Talk about throwing the poor guy in at the deep end!

MIL told me dh didn't like needles and so I shouldn't make him attend the birth . Also none of her "boys" (ffs they're all in their 40's hardly boys) liked vomit so I shouldn't ask him to clean any up if the baby was ever sick. Also they didn't like poo so no nappy changing. Dh has coped with them all and I've enjoyed telling her. Also when PIL came to stay when dd was 2 weeks old she would tell me to stop the baby crying if dh arrived home as it wasn't nice for him after a long day - erm I am trying to and he hasn't sat here all day listening to you you looney I wanted to say!

MIL to DH - "You treat me like a skivvy" - we have seen MIL once this year and on that occasion I made her a cup of tea and she sat on the sofa. She has done absolutely nothing for us this year

MIL to DS (at 6 months old) - "You're not still hanging off those titties are you?" in response to my breastfeeding!

After the birth of my second son, one of my dh's uncle's asked me if I would like any more children? To which I replied "Yes". MIL then said to me a SAHM of two "Money doesn't grow on trees you know!" Thanks for letting me know.

On announcing we were expecting DS2 - "NEXT time you want a baby I suggest that you ask my son (my DH) FIRST'.

A classic amongst oh too many.........