Do you really care how another baby is fed? (Ff/bf)

[justonesherryformedicinalpurpo]

I breastfed my first and I am now breastfeeding my second.

I have never been made to feel uncomfortable while feeding in public. And I have NEVER looked at a woman ff her baby and given a shit. I just think "aw another baby". But I must admit that if I am talking about bf or if I am bf around a ff mother I fear that I may make her feel like I think I am better than her. And that's just crap. I just can't believe, still, that there is judgement on how a baby is fed.

I would just love to know, honestly, if you actually care how other babies are fed.

There is so much judgement and a lot of publicity on it now that some of it must come from other mothers.

If you think you are better for bf be honest. If you think you are being judged for ff be honest.

My friend recently commented on how another mother quit breastfeeding very early on and she was shocked and disappointed etc. And I said "there is enough judgement without needing to add to it. There is also someone there to judge you. You could be judged for combination feeding from a few weeks old. I could be judged for not bf my first past 10 months, what has it got to do with anyone else".

I don't mean to start a war here. I just want people to be honest if they do judge and why. Afterall we don't know one another and we may become less judgy after this.

I don't judge but i do feel judged when ff in public. For no reason whatsoever tbh it's totally all in my head. I mix feed and that works great for us as a family. I also feel awkward bf round my parents as i think they think bf is a bit odd. They would never be anything but supportive but i just know how they feel and getting my boobs out is uncomfortable enough in certain situations so I've just ff around them. Again it's in my head and they probably wouldn't bat an eyelid. They don't live nearby so it's not often i see them.

I hate that people you barely know ask how you're feeding the baby. I don't see how the answer could be of any interest to them unless they want to judge.

I wouldn't give it a second thought how someone was feeding their baby. The only time I've ever had a wtf reaction to feeding was when a friend said she couldn't BF because her breast were for her husband and not her baby...

My DC are at primary school now and whilst I know it feels really important how you feed when your DC are babies, shen you are watching the kids play in the playground at school you really can't tell who was BF, who was FF or who had a mix.

I don't care what anyone else is doing. I do wish that there was more support and help for people wanting to bf. However if you choose to ff then it's none of my business.

I think there is always a lot of insecurity about what others think about us, for instance a bf mother thinking she'll upset a ff mother, or a ff mother feeling judged, or in my case I'm BFing my toddler and thinking that people may be thinking 'why is she still bfing' i think we all need to be happy in our own skins and support a fellow mummy, regardless of how they are feeding.

I don't judge, I think bf is not the norm in this country and it makes it difficult to bf if you don't have family support.

I think it is outrageous though that so many babies are fed processed food exclusively for the first 6 months of their lives. Would you drink powdered milk or even put it in your coffee?!

It's not individual women's fault but it is a public health issue and it is ultimately not fair on babies. I am not sure what the answer is. If there were human milk on sale would people buy it? I imagine it would be expensive?!

I have to agree with the dummy comment. Can't stand them. What's the need for a piece of plastic sticking out a child's mouth

kel first they can help with the pain of reflux and second there's evidence iirc that it has a small effect on SIDS.
I confess I was slightly about dummies until it was the only way to change ds without him regurgitating his entire feed.

Having tried to coax a 3 year old to stop sucking her thumb and seeing the impact on teeth/jaw development, I'm a total convert to dummies.

I have to agree with the dummy comment. Can't stand them. What's the need for a piece of plastic sticking out a child's mouth

There are many needs for it. And many reasons why a "piece of plastic" is best for the child.

Judgemental much?

Interestingly, they came about with the invention of bottles and ff. breastfed babies would comfort suck at the breast- ff babies can't do that without ingesting air. Si a dummy is effectively just the nipple from a bottle.

Those "bits of plastic" helped my twins with their suck/swallow/breathe reflex, which they didn't have when they were born 14 weeks early. Non-nutritive sucking is hugely important for premature babies. It provides comfort, pain relief and developmental skills.
Without their dummies, I wouldn't be breastfeeding my girls, as they would probably not have developed a strong enough reflex to breastfeed.

I ff as I didn't produce any milk at all. I hadn't expected to have to and had no formula or paraphernalia at home when we came home with the baby. I only once felt judged in real life by a midwife who didn't believe I didn't produce any colostrum or milk and argued with me that I must be lying. I already felt immense guilt at being inadequate. Online however I felt very judged including the time on a different parenting site I was told I should just leave my baby to starve to death as it was kinder than formula feeding.

I don't care how you feed your baby.
I do judge when I see little ones with bottles full of squash or juice or not milk/water.
I don't care how you feed your toddler/child - I might see them with a cheeseburger but for all I know they could've been fed on the best of diets for the rest of the week.

No one will ask you when submitting job applications if you were bf or FF.

If baby is happy and healthy then all is good.

However, there is no disputing the fact that BF has lots of advantages. I feel very very lucky that it has been 'easy' for me. This time we are still going strong at 7 months and I'm personally proud of myself for getting this far.

I gave up at 5 months with my first and a large part of it was due to comments from mil and DH. They meant well but eroded my confidence and I became convinced I was starving my baby.
This time round I've stuck to my guns. We've mix fed from around 2 months and it's really been the best of both worlds.
I think we are just very lucky to have access to formula if it's required. Lots of mothers around the world not have this advantage.

do not have this advantage

DS1 was formula fed after a 2 week struggle to BF and very little support. DS2 was BF for 8 months after a much less traumatic birth and a LOT more support from family and HC professionals. I just felt proud that I had managed to get one or both babies out of the house!! I've never received any negative comments about how I fed either child, but have received many more positive comments about BFing.

Oh and having done both I'd never judge anyone on how they choose to feed their child, but I would more likely be more supporting or encouraging of a BFing mum as I know how hard it is, especially in those early weeks/months.

Kel - dd's dummy totally saved our breastfeeding journey as dd has a tongue-tie and used to get so angry and frustrated that she would cause damage to my breast.... Taking her off, giving her a dummy for a few minutes so she could calm down and get back into a sucking rhythm and then be offered the breast again was the most effective strategy we found to help and was signed off by a lactation consultant.

As others have said there are other benefits like cutting he SIDS risk (plus dripping it on the dummy was the only way the nurse could get DD to take the rotavirus vaccine).

If you don't like dummies - don't give your kid one - simples, but don't try to make those of us that have chosen to give them to our children feel bad about it until you've either walked in our shoes or at least showed a basic interest in our thought process...

I don't care how people feed their babies, the important thing is that they are fed. Dummies were great for us at the time. Unfortunately I let DD1 have one for many years and her teeth were really out of shape due to the dummy.
And this is this is the awkward bit. She then had orthodontic treatment and has amazing teeth that her sister is jealous of.
Nothing is right or wrong and it all works out differently for different people.

As long as the baby is fed I don't care.

What I do hate is people who make a big deal of out BF when it's actually naturally and millions do it. Ive met plenty of very sanctimonious BFs.

There is no "sleep hormone" in cow's milk/formula, thedow. You need to read the science and list of ingredients in both.

All the advantages to FF you have listed benefit only the mother. You have failed to list the nutritional benefits to breastfeeding and your argument is not properly balanced or informed.

I breastfeed my DD. Before having my baby I didn't care how babies were fed but I honestly feel a little disappointed for those babies who are not, as they are missing out on the comfort and closeness it brings.

Every mother I know who FF their first but BF their second have said that it is emotionally harder to leave a BF baby and they feel more attached.

I think all mums should at least try and if it doesn't work, then FF and find ways to compensate for not having that bonding experience. There's lots you can do to build a bond without BF.

Oh, and there are many more judgy FFs than BFs!

And yet men are still able to bond with their babies without being able to breastfeed them

I don't feel sorry for FF babies, I reserve feeling sorry for those children with rubbish parents and childhoods. No baby ever remembers how it was fed!

I loved breastfeeding so much. So if someone told me they weren't sure whether to try or not, I'd try to persuade them to give it a go, the same way i might try to persuade them to try my favourite mascara or pair of jeans. But other than that, I couldn't care less - why would a decision someone else made that doesn't affect me matter?!

I didn't feel judged for FF by anyone really. I did feel reluctant to talk about feeding with friends and nct girls who BF as I felt I had an easier life with a DH who did some night feeds and a baby who slept very well.
I think they may have felt like the lucky ones as breast feeding had worked for them but I felt grateful that even though BF hadn't worked out I was able to really enjoy the early days with DD. It seemed for friends that BFing was such a cause of stress that every day was an uphill battle for some.

I do care how babies are fed. I think every baby should have the best &, as a general rule, the natural option is best.

Having said that, my first had an undiagnosed PTT & required formula top ups & high energy milk. I completely recognise that there are many reasons why women may not be able to, or choose not to, breastfeed & it's none of my business how they feed their children. I'd be lying if I said I didn't care, but I'm not going to judge anyone.

Ff worked great for us as it allowed DH to do feeds and enjoy that special time.